I have an anniversary, of sorts, coming up. A time, a marker placed on the calendar turning over the leaves of days, moving through the passing of years converging with time now.
It is a significant date for me. A notable occasion and while I tell myself, don’t make a big deal of it, it’s just ‘a date’, I feel the swell of memory, of gratitude, of appreciation welling up, sweeping over the intervening years from what was then to what is now. I feel the lightness of being and I rejoice.
Ten years is a long time. It is a short time. It is no time. It just is. Whatever I make it, it becomes part of the flow of my life moving in and out. It becomes part of the journey from there to here. It becomes and is, all part of the undertow, the ebb and flow, the washing over and the moving into living every day with joy and gratitude.
I have an anniversary edging its way onto the horizon. I want to scour my memory banks, dredge through my veins cleaning out all remnants of ‘those times’ to free my blood to flow clear today.
I feel the presence of those days more at this time of year. This is the time I was ‘disappeared’. These are the months when I was not alive. Not here. Not present. These are the days when I waited, frightened, alone, terrified, yearning for release. Waiting to die. Those were the days. This is now.
I live. Free. I live. Alive. I life in the flow of life all around, gratitude swelling my heart to bursting. Love beating a fierce tattoo within my being all present, all here, all encompassed by life in the rapture of now.
It will be ten years this May since that morning I awoke and was given the gift of my life. Freedom. Release. Ten years since the fear that encased my heart with invisible bonds were broken. Ten years.
A time of growing. Of deepening. Of becoming.
A time of celebrating all that is true and beautiful and wondrous. A time of letting go. Of releasing. Of forgiving. Of loving.
A time to reflect upon and see how far I’ve come since that morning in May when I sat in catatonic disbelief that what I feared the most, his disappearing from my life, was the one thing that could set me free.
I am in awe of the power of love and forgiveness. I am in awe the healing that comes when I let go of fear and stand with love in the broken places.
I am in awe.
I have an anniversary coming up. I don’t know how I’ll mark the day, but I know, this time is a time to rejoice, to cherish, to celebrate all that I am when I let go of fearing who I am is not enough.
I am, me. And that’s enough for me.
May your day be filled with the wonder and joy of knowing there is no one else just like you in the world. You are unique. A gift. A wondrous being of light. A magnificent soul of love and beauty. May you radiate love and joy in everything you do, through everything you are and may you know you are loved, just the way you are.