It is a morning, new day, a new week. Opportunities await, shimmering in the light of possibility.
What will you choose?
To stay the course. To stick to the tried and true. To live into your adapted beliefs of what is, or isn’t, possible for you.
What will you choose?
I awoke to these thoughts this morning, my mind stirring out of a deep sleep where I was dreaming.
I was on a boat. Rowing across the water. The vastness of the sky above me, the vastness of the water all around me. I was afraid, but not. I knew if I kept rowing I’d get somewhere. And then, a wave rolled up under me and tossed my boat about and I capsized. Fearing I would drown, I fought the water until I grew so tired I couldn’t swim any longer. “You’ve never tried to breathe under water,” the sky whispered and I dove. and I could breathe under water. And then, I found myself on a distant shore. It was a beautiful island paradise. I was scared to wander through the trees in case the island was inhabited by nasty creatures. And the sky whispered, “You won’t know what’s there until you step away from where you are.” I wandered into the trees and found myself surrounded by not only the beauty of the forest but also beautiful friendly animals who peeked out from the underbrush or simply walked along beside me — what was most cool was they could all talk and seemed to know what I was thinking because one of them said, “We didn’t want to reveal ourselves until we knew you wouldn’t hurt us.”
and then I awoke.
And I wonder…
What are the walls of my comfort zone made of? My fear of the unknown? My fear of stepping out beyond where I’ve been?
Where does that fear come from and, more importantly, how does it serve me today?
The answer is simple. It doesn’t.
In primordial times, fear of the unknown might have kept me safe from being eaten by sabre tooth tigers hiding in the woods, but, it might also have meant I starved to death.
My fear is learned. As a child, unsure of the world around me, I adapted my behaviours, and my inner beliefs about myself to protect me, to keep me safe, to make sense of the world around me.
As an adult, my adapted learnings limit my capacity to explore beyond what my mind knows into what my heart knows to be true and real and authentic in my life today.
I painted yesterday — worked on a painting that has been frustrating me and not pleasing me. I decided to paint over it — I was scared. My first thoughts were — what if I mess it up. what if I ruin it?
Well…. I didn’t particularly like it in the first place. How can I ruin it?
But I don’t know what to do. I don’t know where I want to take it.
Well… what if you let it take you? what if you just trust in the process and let what is being created become visible.
And so, I did.
but not without a lot of resistance. Not without a lot of hemming and hawing and avoiding and pushing back and telling myself I can’t do it. I have no talent. I may as well give up.
All adapted learning. All adapted behaviours.
And then, a dear friend asked me, (about a totally unrelated but completing related subject) “What are you resisting?”
Yeah. Well. Me. Resist?
I’m resisting change. I am resisting letting go of my fears and trusting in the process.
Your soul knows what your mind cannot accept, my friend said.
And she was right.
My soul knows I am an artist at heart.
My head wants me to play it safe.
Have a wonderful day.