I wrote a blog and deleted it.

Posted on by

I had a whole other blog written this morning.

and I’ve deleted it.

Personal accountability won’t let me post it.

My sense of fairness, my desire to do the right thing, won’t let me send it out into the world.

In Bruce Weinstein’s excellent book, Ethical Intelligence, he lists the 5 principles of EI as:

  • Do no harm
  • Make things better
  • Respect others
  • Be fair
  • Be loving

As I move through my day, as I continue to work with the amazing people I work with who are committed to ending homelessness and to supporting people in their journey home, I begin with the realization that to do no harm means to allow space for all points of view, for all behaviours, without judging, condemning, criticizing and complaining.

I have let anger, confusion, disappointment, sadness discourage me.

The situation isn’t important — what’s important is — how will I respond? How will I behave?

We all have situations that create angst and cause concern.

My friend Ian at Leading Essentially, posted a catchy phrase from one of the coaches at a course he’s taking. She says, ““I would be happy if you would just change.”

I would be happy if the individual in question would just change their behaviour so that it doesn’t cause so much angst amongst people I admire who are working hard to end homelessness and are not doing what they do to create worse, they are doing it to create better.

But… the other person changing isn’t my issue.

What am I willing to do to change my perspective, to be fair, to be loving — all those are my responsibilities and concerns.

I cannot change another — and I can’t force them to see it my way either.

All I can do is create space for someone to be where they are, as they are, and in the process, accept that we are all where we are at, exactly as we are — and we’re all doing our best, where ever we’re at.

Sure, I may think they can do better — just ask me!

I may believe they’re ‘doing it wrong’.

But in fact, my thoughts about what they are doing are not the issue causing me angst.

My thoughts around how I am responding are.

Which is why I deleted my original post.

That post wasn’t about doing no harm.

It wasn’t about creating better or respecting others — I was respecting the people I work with, but not really all that respectful of the individual in question.

And it definitely wasn’t fair or loving.

So… I deleted it and am learning from it.

In essence, because of the dynamics of the situation, I am in a position of power.

To wield my power as a bludgeon, or a knife, is to do harm.

To exercise my voice as a tool to override theirs does not create better — it simply silences someone who is struggling, like all of us, to make sense of something in their world that is causing them pain, anxiety and fear.

to learn from my actions is my responsibility. To grow from my mistakes holds me accountable.

I wrote a blog this morning that did not create better in the world.

In writing it, I found my way clear to where I could see what I truly needed to do was to be more compassionate, caring, kind and fair.

In deleting it, I let courage draw me out of anger so that I could drive away my confusion and find myself once again, in Love.

May your day be filled with moments of grace that fill you up with limitless opportunities to be compassionate, caring, kind and fair. May you surrender all fear and fall in Love.

Namaste.

 

 

 

 

20 thoughts on “I wrote a blog and deleted it.”

  1. Thank you tremendously for writing this post. It was just what I needed to hear, and at just the “write” time 🙂 I needed to write a response to someone about something important this morning, but reading this first helped me to refocus not only what my purpose was, but also the kind of response that I should give with the premise of not harming others.

    Thank you.

    Like

    Reply ↓

    • By the time I was finished the post Diana it was easy to delete — I knew it was all about me, me, me and how I wanted to state my case to look good — without really considering the humanity of the other person. So deleting it was a simple choice of acknowledging what I want to create more of in my life — and choosing my higher good.

      Like

      Reply ↓

  7. I understand what you mean by ‘ I would be happy if only they would change’. Even though I repeat the serendipity poem to myself over and over; having the ‘wisdom’ to recognise the difference between what I can and cannot change is so difficult at times. I love how you recognised your ‘position of power’ and decided that was what you would change you could use that power to ‘create better’. I love that approach. I love how you remain accountable to yourself and your own values all the time.

    Like

    Reply ↓

    • Thank you Elizabeth — not sure if you noticed but you called it the serendipity poem — not the serenity prayer… 🙂 I love the intuitive wisdom of your word choice and how it speaks so deeply to how life sends us messages all the time — all we have to do is be open and accountable and to choose to live by our own values all the time. thank you for your spirit here. You shine!

      Like

      Reply ↓

      • Ah! The serendipity I think was probably a typo and rushed auto spell-check; the poem rather than prayer was a slip. However, if we do make valued choices maybe we will find serendipity 🙂

        Like

  8. Looking at your challengers as hurting humans certainly softens anger. Love hearing about your journey of humanness.

    Like

    Reply ↓

  9. Beautiful!! To do no harm. Love it. And your conclusion, to surrender all fear and ‘fall in Love’ is incredible Louise. Thank you for being You, sharing your learning, and being an exemplary role model for everyone to see how we can do it too. xo Gina

    Like

    Reply ↓

Real conversations begin with your comments. Please share your thoughts.

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.