I have been struggling with my lower back. Struggling to sit, to walk, to feel comfortable without its aching reminder, I am out of balance.
It is getting better, but sitting is still the thing that makes it cringe.
So I have been honouring its call to be quiet, to relax, to lay low and let it heal — with the help of my chiro and massage therapist of course!
It was a great reminder.
Recent developments at work left me with a greater than normal workload.
They also gave me an opportunity to step into a greater role, should I choose.
And therein lay my dilemma.
My ego danced its little mincing waltz, singing gleefully as it spun out of control, “Oh goodie! Oh goodie! Recognition and fame. A chance for everyone to know my name.”
My voice of reason, my heart song knew, as it always does, the truth. “Been there. Done that. This is not what I want in my life. It is not what gives me joy and makes my heart sing.”
And still, for all the voice of reason’s sound reasons, my ego mind laughed at it and attempted, as it always does, to drown out what my heart knows. In fact, I could almost hear it stomping its little crittery feet in its demands to hold reign over my thinking. “You listen to me girlie O. You think your heart knows best. You’re wrong! Listen to me. I won’t lead you astray. My beat is greater than any ole’ heart calling you to be free! Listen to me… or else!”
It was the ‘or else’ that almost got me.
I know the ‘or else’ well. It’s how I’ve talked myself into, and out of, the places I don’t want to be and the places I need to be!
If you don’t do this or that….. you might….. regret, fall, be mistaken, be fooled or be mislead into believing….. this or that was real, or unreal, or untrue…
Ah yes, the ‘or else’ is kinda deadly.
But this time, I was prepared.
I acknowledged the ego’s calling me to take on the mantle of the bigger title with the bigger profile with the bigger everything and I lovingly embraced it as what it is — a grand seduction of my child’s need to be seen, known, heard and listened to, or else…
And in my acknowledgement, I was able to reassure it that it is still important to me, still a part of me, it’s just not the whole of me.
And in the whole of me, there is a need to continue to breathe into the work I am doing without taking on more and more responsibility. Without being ‘in charge’ of the world.
I am okay doing what I do, the way I do it.
It provides me room for balance, for a sense of purpose in my ‘out there in the world’ work as well as room to explore my purpose of being elsewhere in the world work.
I almost don’t remember the month of October. It was so busy and so crazy with doing, doing, doing. And in the crazy, I got lost in the seduction of my own importance and fell out of balance. Out of sorts. Out of touch with my heart calling me to be at One with all that is emerging in my world when I let go of listening to my ego demands for attention, and give into my hearts calling me to Pay attention. Act with intention. Live with conviction.
And now, my body is telling me I’ve spent long enough sitting. Time to go lay down and stretch and give myself healing time.
Elgie,
lay low
I like the phrase
and your piece
as I read it I immediately thought of a piece I read on Medium this morning – I think it is fantastic, a great 4 minute read that is meaningful for anyone, but especially for folks like you ‘n me, who struggle for balance. This Amy Selwyn piece https://medium.com/@amyselwyn/how-to-live-like-a-motherfucker-3305055324f1?source=email-fd9e3c4c360e-1415283845964-daily_digest is somthing far more insightful than its title implies. And, after I read it, I can’t think of a better title. Enjoy + get well.
Mark
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What a great article — and site — thanks so much for sharing both it and the site Mark — a great find! And yes — Amy Selwyn’s title is perfect. 🙂
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Oh, dear. Feel better. Yoga? When our body tells us to slow down, it’s important to listen!
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It is back to the mat for me Lisa once my back settles down! Thanks.
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How easy to forget how our body holds the truth.
Take it easy and listen to your precious body. It is the holder of all that is precious within you 🙂
Val xo
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I sometimes forget Val to listen to my body — and then…. it reminds me! 🙂
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There is wisdom there. 🙂
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I understand completely Louise!! Time to connect to spirit and “listen!” I send healing energy! ❤
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Thanks for the healing energy Lorrie — it soothes my aching back! Hugs
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You deserve balance…. we all do… we all need to discover what that looks like. Sometimes it is going hard for a while and then resting, other times it is more of a daily balance. Know thyself, always a good aim. Thanks for your kind wisdom once again Louise.
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I think that is so true Judy — that it is more of a daily balance — that for me, I must seek that balance, moment by moment, or rather than seek, allow its presence to guide me through my day! Hugs to you my beautiful friend of the fiercely beating heart.
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You are a rock!
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❤
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I love your conviction and determination to be true to yourself Louise. You inspire me!
Diana xo
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Thank you Diana — inspiration is a reciprocal gift – you inspire me my friend! ❤
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“Pay attention. Act with intention. Live with conviction.”
Fantastic mantra to live by! Thanks
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