Last Friday I made a commitment to myself to explore the question, “What is the more I seek?”
For the past five days, I have meditated on the word, “surrender”, the first one on the list I felt were all inclusive of my seeker’s journey. (surrender, hope, faith, mystery, loss, God, and the power of love)
When I began, I had no predetermined idea of the right or wrong way for me to take this journey. Others have shared their thoughts and ideas, their opinions and suggestions. I am grateful for their words and contributions. You have each cast light upon my path. Each helped me see more deeply into the unknown of this exploration.
It is, first and foremost, a journey into the unknown.
When I began, there was lots I knew, but to delve deeper beneath my known’s, I had to trust I was safe following my intuition, allowing myself to be vulnerable without fearing judgement, criticism or change.
It has been fascinating to be the observer and the explorer. To watch not just where I step, but how I step. To let go of stepping and to hold onto nothing.
I did give myself a timeline. Five days per word, each day a map of my journey leading me deeper over the edge of reason into the unknown.
What is the more I seek?
It is not a thing. It is not an object or objects.
It is a feeling, a sense of knowing, wonderment, awe. A way of being. Present. Alive. Open.
It is the journey itself, not the answer I seek.
It is the art of holding on to nothing to have everything.
It is the gift of being open to all the Universe has to offer and receiving it gifts without fearing its many gifts and offerings.
Today, I begin again with hope.
I read the definition and I laugh out loud.
Hope means to trust.
Seriously. The Universe has a sense a humour and it loves to play its games with me.
Trust is my deep issue.
Trust is what I must always breathe into.
I hope I can.
I hope I can do it. Know it. Be it. Have it. See it. Hear it. Feel it.
I hope I don’t get in my own way.
I hope I don’t forget to laugh. Cry. Leap. Jump. Dance and spin about.
I hope I remember to breathe into trusting the Universe and letting go fear.
I hope I remember to surrender… my fear of trusting.