I yelled at C.C. last night. He had gone to pick up his son from the airport and I had gone to bed. My neck was hurting. Bad.
Later, when he climbed into bed beside me I was moaning and groaning about the pain. Every movement was agony. The slightest touch painful.
“Do you want ice?” he asked.
“I don’t know!” I yelled and started to cry. It hurt so much.
He got me ice.
Smart man.
Not only did he hear my unspoken need to have him take care of me, he got me the one thing that actually did work on relieving the pain.
This morning, I went in search of Louise Hay’s book, You Can Heal Your Life. I couldn’t find it in the bookcase so I searched online for “What does Louise Hay say it mean when your neck hurts?”
Google, as always, delivered.
Source: Sargam Mishra: Inner Alchemy
How divinely sublime.
As I struggle and search for understanding of what I don’t know about surrender, the universe (aka google) delivers up “Change is the only Constant”.
Seriously?
No wonder my neck hurts. I just got walloped with understanding.
Resistance is futile. Acceptance necessary.
As I read the article by Sargam Misra, pranic healer, I felt knowing invade my being.
Sargam writes: Neck – refusing to see other sides of the question, stubbornness, inflexibility.
What? Me stubborn?
Then again, what is the question?
Good question.
As I sank into the meditation she shares at the end of her post, the question came floating in as softly and easily as a cloud drifting across a summer’s day. “Are you willing to let go?”
Let go? I wondered. Of what?
It all.
What all?
Your resistance.
But I’m not in resistance. I just don’t understand.
What if there’s nothing to understand?
How can there not be? There’s so much to know. And if I don’t know it all, everyone will think I’m stupid.
How will you know when you know it all?
That one stumped me. I am reminded of a piece of feedback, Thelma Box, founder of Choices Seminars gave me once in a process we were doing on the JoHari Window. “I experience you as a woman who will never find an answer good enough for her.” That one stumped me too.
Problem is (which is just another way to say ‘the gift I received in her feedback’), she was dead on.
Sometimes, no matter the question, I think there’s got to be a better, deeper, more complete, all-knowing answer and keep searching for a better one and better one and better one.
Like this morning. After reading Sargam Mishra’s article on Neck Pain and its spiritual causes, I listened to the meditation she shared at the bottom of her post and in the mantra’s melodic affirmation found my neck pain easing, the stiffness relaxing.
Does it matter if I know what I am resisting as much as letting go of my resistance?
Does it matter if I can’t label all the responsibilities I tell myself I’m carrying that are causing my neck to spasm as much as I let go of my belief I am carrying a truckload of responsibilities that I tell myself are weighing me down?
Does it matter if I can’t name the fear beneath my sense of carrying the world on my shoulders as much as I let go of my belief I am carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders?
Release. Let go. Surrender.
My mind wants to tell me it’s too woo hoo wacky to write about this stuff, to even suggest I think it might have helped
My heart and soul know. Believe it or not, my body responds to loving care. My spirit responds to intention.
My intention this morning was to dive beneath the physical manifestation of pain in my neck to sink into what I didn’t know about the pain in my neck.
I know the pain is real. Perhaps its cause is not quite so real. Perhaps its source is a belief I’m holding onto that does not serve me well.
In Sargam’s mantra I find relief. And that’s all I need to know. To trust. To allow.
“I release, I relax and let go. I am safe in life.”
Universal Mantra for Healing : Ra Ma Da Sa Sa Say So Hum
Dare Boldly 
I am going to have to go read that. My neck hurts a lot, most all the time.
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I use it almost every day Mary — it definitely works for me!
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okey-hokey …
sometimes neck pain is because someone is a pain in the neck
or the chiropractor needs to do some work
or a massage therapist (I’m happy to refer you to the marvelous hands of Emilie who give me relief)
or Brene Brown’s TED talk on vulnerability might contain a healing message for you …
seems like you are taking ‘tentative steps’ on this new journey, like slipping off the paving stones might pitch you into the mud
keep walking/wading/plodding … there is a long-journey at the end of your current short-journey
each day you ‘count’ (ie: Day 4) as a number focuses you on counting your steps
that commits you to a finite amount of thinking (# of days) which might be limiting
Moses may have wandered 40 years but I doubt he said, “today is day 4 of 30 .. or of 14,600”
each day you walk, sometimes that pain will be in your neck, sometimes there will be no pain at all
but mostly, pain will show up when you struggle and disappear when you surrender
so, surrender already! (or call me for Emilie’s #)
one of your pains (perhaps in the side),
Mark
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Ahh, but the point is to not stray into the mindfield of trying to figure out what caused it — and to walk instead in the grace of allowing it to life. 🙂
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nice turn of phrase
mindfield
is not a minefield of unexploded bombs – but a mind-full of possibilities
m
p.s. … how is it going .. in terms of setting up that meeting (me + your CEO) ..??
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I sooo know about neck pain… I have a theory… you bite your tongue, have a pain in your neck, something in your eye… an ear ache… anything closer to your brain hurts more! lol. Praying for your relief! Hopefully your hubby reads your blog so he knows he is your hero even when he gets yelled at! LOL.
xoxo
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It’s ok Di. I apologized to him this morning. ❤
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I am rarely satisfied with answers I find, either. If I care enough, I research the hell out of things and stop when I’m tired or most of the information agrees. The important unsolvables keep coming back to torment me.
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LOL re the “important unsolvables keep coming back to torment me.” they do have that tendency Kerri! Hugs
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This is so powerful Louise!!! I love this discovery you are on.
“Does it matter if I know what I am resisting as much as letting go of my resistance?” I wish I had this line for my post last week, where I was discussing being overwhelmed, and how one approach to dealing with it is trust. This line implies that directly … what would happen if I just let go of all my worry and anxiety and trusted the universe?
Love it!!! Thanks so much for getting me going!!
Hugs … Ian
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Trust in the universe — that’s been a big one for me Ian!
Hugs to you too my friend — time for a get together! 🙂
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Ra Ma Da Sa Sa Say So Sum …. is one of my favorites.
Let the prana flow and hold you in its healing embrace.
(Snatam Kaur’s album Grace has a beautiful version of this along with other mantras)
I have found my resistance comes from my need to know. I am resisting not knowing … and therefore life as it is and how it goes on….
Hugs and light to you Louise xoxo
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Thank you Val. It does fill me with grace to let the prana flow. It’s healing embrace is so loving!
and yes, the resistance…. it is a daily action of releasing my resistance to not knowing. Hugs
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Neck pain is terrible, I have had my share of it…………..anything that helps the pain is a good thing
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so true Joanne — anything that helps is a good thing! Hugs
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Good grief, Louise, this is just beautiful! Something that I will most definitely pass on to my beloved wife who sufferes from neck pain constantly. Thank you so much for sharing!
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Thank you Liz! I hope it helps her too. My neck is feeling so much better! Hugs
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Thankyou Louise for the tag I am so happy that this post resonated with you and many others. Gratitude love and blessings
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Thank you Sargam! Your chant and words resonate deeply — and my neck feels much better!
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That is great … Love !!
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