What do you do with the wounds of the heart?

We all carry scars on our hearts. Those leftover renmants of the wounds and pains inflicted upon our beings when we were too young to understand or decipher the circumstances of life we didn’t understand or couldn’t make sense of.
In our youthful ignorance, we thought the things that happened to us were true, our fault, messages of our worth and took to heart the painful and unkind words or actions of others  to mean, we were unloveable, stupid, undeserving, unworthy.

As we grew into our teens and adulthood, we carried those scars with us, believing that holding onto them would protect us from further pain or hurt. And as we grew, the tissue around the scars hardened until our hearts became a mass of hard knots not even our brightest thinking could unravel.

In desperation, we adapted our behaviour to protect ourselves from our deepseated fear; those harmful words and actions, those wounds we carried, are our truth. That we really are stupid, undeserving, unworthy, unloveable. And to hide our fear it is true, we acted out. We hid behind our masks, those smiles we put in place to disguise our pain, the laughter we wielded like a sword, the anger we carry like a shield, the sadness we inhabit like a cloak to protect us from the chill harsh winds of life.

They are not true. Those thoughts that rifle through your mind, telling you that you do not deserve to be happy, that others are always out to get you, that the universe is not on your side or that nothing good ever happens for you. They are not true.

Just as it is not true that you are unworthy, unloveable, undeserving or stupid.

Those are just the thoughts that formed long ago when life dealt you a harsh blow and you were not old enough to make sense of other people’s nonsense.

We are all deserving and worthy of love. We are all loveable and loving. We are all unique in our own perfectly human way.

It’s just, hurting people hurt people.

When we were young, our parents, those who cared for us, those who taught us and lead us did not know any better than to do what they did to make sense of their worlds. What they did was never about our worth. It was always an expression of how worthy, or unworthy, they felt themselves to be. It was always a statement of what they believed to be true in their life.

We all carry wounds on our hearts. Our job, as adults, is to heal those wounds so that they no longer dictate our actions and limit our capacity to love and find joy in this world of wonder.


21 thoughts on “What do you do with the wounds of the heart?”

  1. I can relate to this post, even though I was “too young to understand or decipher the circumstances of life” when I was 57 years old.
    I take on board that it is now up to me “to heal those wounds so that they no longer dictate our (my) actions and limit our (my) capacity to love and find joy in this world of wonder”. Thanks.

    Also, reading your posts of recent months, I see that you have a good relationship with your mother and that any of these wounds you speak of have now healed for you. I happy for you for that place you are now.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. First have to say yes yes yes you are so spot one with this. next have to say I was one of those rare people who had a wonderful childhood and was never made to feel that I wasn’t good enough or that something was my fault and it is only now as a 52 year old woman I can truly appreciate how lucky I was

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Nostalgia grips me as I read this post, which is more like poetry…love your expression Louise. We can all relate to these thoughts as pain is an essential part of our life till be learn to embrace it, love it and forgive all those who inflicted it knowingly or unknowingly. Moving on is the only prudent choice. Wish I could learn this earlier!


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