There are bullies amongst us. People who believe that to feel good about themselves, to get what they want, to have it all (which they must have) requires ensuring others do not feel good, or possibly better than, them. That others do not have what they want, do not have ‘it all’.
They were not born this way. They did not come screaming out of the womb declaring with their first breath, I am going to have it all because I’m me and what I want is what I want, and getting what I want is all that matters.
They were made. Forged in the fires of life raging around them. They were created in the bosom of their families and community, sharpened on the anvil of hard-luck stories where the child never felt safe and secure, loved and cherished. Like she/he belonged or was wanted.
Knowing this doesn’t make being a bully ‘right’. It does help to see the possibility for different when we let go of hating the bully and allow ourselves to understand, bullies aren’t born. They’re made. By life.
Like you and me, they were born as beautiful, innocent and precious children.
Like you and me, the promise of their birth held unlimited possibilities, limitless potential.
Like you and me, they suffered hurts and pains. Disappointments, misunderstandings, confusion.
Like you and me, they struggled to make sense of their world.
Like you and me, they hid their fear, found workarounds to hide the fact they felt lost, confused, alone.
Unlike you and me, hiding their fear lead them to never being able to admit they were afraid. It lead them on a path of having to constantly hide behind a tough exterior, because at a time when they were too young to make sense of the world around them, they learned to act like those around them, do as they were taught — to lie, intimidate, cheat and bully.
Unlike you and me, they didn’t have the same opportunity for their brains to form in ways that allowed them to see or understand that force, violence, intimidation and lies cannot create a world of harmony and caring. They didn’t know, were never taught, the value of harmony and caring. Getting along with one another. Being kind. Considerate. Thoughtful.
None of us are powerful enough to make a bully be someone else. We are powerful enough to stop bullying in our life. Not by bullying back, yelling louder, overriding their every word and action with equal amounts of intimidation. Making war on the world does not create peace, tolerance, community. It creates opposite sides, us and them thinking, get them before they get me responses.
To stop bullying in our lives we must learn to stand in our truth, respect our selves, our values, ideas, principles, beliefs, without giving into responding through fear and ‘just-in-kind’ intimidation.
There are bullies amongst us.
They were not born that way.
They were made.
They can choose to remake themselves. To change their tactics, the way of living their life.
Change does not happen in fear. It happens when Love appears and lights the way for all of us to see, there is another way to be in this world that does not include, intimidating others to feel better about ourselves, lying to get what we want and bullying those who get in our way, to get out of our way.
Change happens when we create space for everyone to feel heard, valued, loved and cherished.