There are bullies amongst us. People who believe that to feel good about themselves, to get what they want, to have it all (which they must have) requires ensuring others do not feel good, or possibly better than, them. That others do not have what they want, do not have ‘it all’.
They were not born this way. They did not come screaming out of the womb declaring with their first breath, I am going to have it all because I’m me and what I want is what I want, and getting what I want is all that matters.
They were made. Forged in the fires of life raging around them. They were created in the bosom of their families and community, sharpened on the anvil of hard-luck stories where the child never felt safe and secure, loved and cherished. Like she/he belonged or was wanted.
Knowing this doesn’t make being a bully ‘right’. It does help to see the possibility for different when we let go of hating the bully and allow ourselves to understand, bullies aren’t born. They’re made. By life.
Like you and me, they were born as beautiful, innocent and precious children.
Like you and me, the promise of their birth held unlimited possibilities, limitless potential.
Like you and me, they suffered hurts and pains. Disappointments, misunderstandings, confusion.
Like you and me, they struggled to make sense of their world.
Like you and me, they hid their fear, found workarounds to hide the fact they felt lost, confused, alone.
Unlike you and me, hiding their fear lead them to never being able to admit they were afraid. It lead them on a path of having to constantly hide behind a tough exterior, because at a time when they were too young to make sense of the world around them, they learned to act like those around them, do as they were taught — to lie, intimidate, cheat and bully.
Unlike you and me, they didn’t have the same opportunity for their brains to form in ways that allowed them to see or understand that force, violence, intimidation and lies cannot create a world of harmony and caring. They didn’t know, were never taught, the value of harmony and caring. Getting along with one another. Being kind. Considerate. Thoughtful.
None of us are powerful enough to make a bully be someone else. We are powerful enough to stop bullying in our life. Not by bullying back, yelling louder, overriding their every word and action with equal amounts of intimidation. Making war on the world does not create peace, tolerance, community. It creates opposite sides, us and them thinking, get them before they get me responses.
To stop bullying in our lives we must learn to stand in our truth, respect our selves, our values, ideas, principles, beliefs, without giving into responding through fear and ‘just-in-kind’ intimidation.
There are bullies amongst us.
They were not born that way.
They were made.
They can choose to remake themselves. To change their tactics, the way of living their life.
Change does not happen in fear. It happens when Love appears and lights the way for all of us to see, there is another way to be in this world that does not include, intimidating others to feel better about ourselves, lying to get what we want and bullying those who get in our way, to get out of our way.
Change happens when we create space for everyone to feel heard, valued, loved and cherished.
Namaste.
Dare Boldly 
Well said. One can only hope that kindness can find it’s way to their hearts.
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Without our being kind, there is no hope of it making its way into their hearts — Thanks Mary! I like being in the kindness of you.
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Thank you for this. Having a hard time coming to grips with the situation in the US.
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As I sit here north of the 49th parallel Liz, the impact of what is happening in the US ripples out. It doesn’t know borders exist. It keeps moving out in waves — and so I must remind myself of what I believe, what I hold true.
When I was in Vancouver last week, one night as we walked back from a lovely dinner, my eldest daughter and I encountered a group of belligerent teens yelling at a couple of black men on the street, “Build the wall. Build the wall.” And I worried that the disease of fear, bullying, anger had come into our country.
truth is, it has always been present. It just feels more present now, as if it’s been given permission to show itself and dance in arrogant disregard to the values we hold dear as Canadians, as human beings.
I’m grateful my words resonated with you. Together, we can overcome injustice, prejudice, racism. We must stay true to our beliefs in the beauty and miracle of all humankind.
even though some days — that feels more challenging than others! 🙂
so I write. You write. Others write. Of love and hope and being kind. It’s important.
Blessings ❤
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As always, you nail things inside my head that make me want to comment. I have been so busy and miss reading everyone’s posts. & really should be getting ready for work right now, but I had to read this! I love your writing!
I loved the way you go all the way back to how they were born!
My son took almost twenty-one hours to be born and was turned sideways so I had to push for three hours to try to turn him. Seven years later, my daughter was born with six hours of labor and fifteen minutes of pushing. And the people they turned into kinda reflect their birth experiences. Lol.
My daughter has always been easy and like you described so well, my son came out with the opinion that I made him and so therefore I owe him. I love them both but has been a challenge. My kids have been on opposing sides this last political year and I am praying that the topic stays off the table this Thanksgiving! 🙏🏻😮🙏🏻
I
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I sent too soon😏
I was ending my comment by saying that I know you said they don’t come out born that way, lol. And I am not calling my son a bully! But he did kinda come out with the personality he has all the way back that first day! At least with the opinion that everyone should know his! 😂
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Di, I love how my thoughts cascade into yours and you bring your own light and love into the conversation — such a wonderful gift. Thank you.
I absolutely agree. There are those who are genetically predisposed — the boundaries we set are the ones that keep us safe — and as you so beautifull say about your son, the pushing to get them out sometimes reflect how they are in the world! Much love to you dear friend. Happy Thanksgiving! ❤
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Yes yes yes, bullies are all around us, my grandson was bullied and was a bully he started to be the bully to defend himself and his parents had a long talk to him about that and he has changed he is becoming more like his dad (slowly) his dad was someone who would defend those he saw being bullied that said he is still a bully when it comes to Leo he likes to go out of his way to upset and hurt Leo makes me so mad and sad
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Oh Joanne. I hear your sadness and I am so sorry — and I understand. Sometimes, what happens to those we love leaves our hearts heavy. Much love to you dear Joanne.
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Did I ever tell you that I used to be a bully Louise? It came after a period of constantly being bullied myself. The common denominator in both circumstances was fear. It’s hard and ugly to be either one. ❤
Diana xo
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I hear ya Diana. And yes, you had mentioned it — you are the perfect example of how love and caring can create a beautiful human being. ❤
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Yes!
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❤
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I couldn’t agree more and I feel your compassion, Louise. It is truth that the bullies were not born this way…it is a life of pain and confusion that created the space they now reside in. I understand the events that caused most of my bullies to turn this way…and I have tried to help them to no avail. So, I can still love them from afar and not let them interfere with my self-love and respect. I am so grateful to you for the support you have given me and for the words that you send out into the world which I believe makes it a better place!! On this day of Thanksgiving, I send out a big Thank You wrapped in a hug ❤
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