A friend who was to call with an update on a project we are working on together doesn’t call.
I try to reach her. No answer.
Silently, worry slips in before I have a chance to gently whisper to my mind… Stop. Patience. All will be as all is meant to be. (my mantra to myself to quell unnecessary worry and spiraling thinking)
I catch myself falling into worry.
Stop. What is beneath the surface of this worry? I ask myself.
I listen carefully for my heart’s answer.
The truth awakens and rises up to my mind’s quest to understand.
It is part of a limiting belief that surfaces when I am not being present.
It is old. It is primordial. It is limiting.
In a course I took some time ago, I uncovered a limiting belief I held within me. It did not serve me well, but it existed nonetheless, in the nether-lands of my mind. That belief was — I do not trust the Universe.
Actually, that belief is beyond limiting, it is self-defeating and imposes a world of distrust in everyone, everything and every happening in my world.
Sure, I realized, on the surface, I trust…
On the surface.
Below that? well… let’s just say there was this little critter who took great joy in whispering to me in the dark, undermining my being present no matter the situation… Don’t trust! Don’t trust! Dive for cover. They’re out to get you. Get out of sight. Don’t be vulnerable!”
It liked to say other things too. Like… right, they say they love you but what they really mean is, “I love you as long as you do things and act in ways I approve of.” “Don’t disappoint me.” “Who are you kidding? You don’t deserve love.” and on and on the critter slithered through my psyche.
“We only see beauty if we practice,” writes Christine Valters Paintner, Abbey of the Arts Abbess.
At the time of identifying this limiting belief, I committed to unearthing it, to showing it the light of day and setting it free.
It has been a journey.
One step forward, and another and another, a slip and then to begin again.
This morning, as I felt the worry slither in with its whispers of limiting beliefs longheld no longer needed, I see beauty in my worry. I see the beauty of my limiting belief and I see the beauty within it. For within it, beneath the surface of its limitations is the full and encompassing power of embracing it in Love and knowing, the universe trusts me and in my reflection I am the trust, I become the trust, I have nothing to fear, but fear itself.
Fear is at the base of my worry. Fear of disappointment. Fear of failure. Fear of looking stupid, ridiculous, of being conned, of being misguided, of trusting another for fear they will let me down.
No one can let me down when I trust in the Universe and gravity to hold me up.
I cannot fall down when I trust myself to let go and surrender into Love.
Letting go now.
I begin again.
Learning to fly.