I cried this morning.

It wasn’t intentional. It definitely wasn’t ‘planned’. But I sat at my desk and the tears slowly fell.

It began with a TedMed video I stumbled upon and decided to watch. I don’t usually do that in the morning as that extra 15 to 20 minutes makes a difference. But there I was, engrossed in the video, tears streaming down my face, my heart hurting.

Outside my window, the light from beneath the bridge dances on the water flowing beneath it. The stark, leafless branches of the trees that line the river stand in silhouette like soldiers on guard. Traffic is more constant. A couple of cars crossing the bridge, a gap, a few more, another gap, and then some more. Above, the sky is dark but slowly lightening. My window faces west. The sun has risen over the horizon behind me but its light has not yet reached me.

And I cried.

The video I watched was a talk Sue Klebold gave in February 2017 at TedMed.  You may not recognize her name or connect her to the events that jarred the world and changed countless lives, including Sue’s and her son Dillon.

Sue Klebold’s son was one of two shooters who murdered 14 students at Columbine on April 20, 1999. In this gut-wrenching and heart breaking talk, she shares her journey back from the abyss of the darkness of those days and her despair and grief over what her son did and the lives he took and the lives he changed. And she shares what she has learned. About grief, being a mother, brain health and so much more. She is brave. Courageous. Real.

This is not an easy talk to watch but I’m grateful I stumbled upon it.

Her words struck many chords within me.

I am grateful.

And words escape me as I struggle to label what it is her words evoked.

And that’s okay.

I am still processing.