This morning, I awoke with the clear intention of beginning my day in centered calmness.
Instead, I sat down at my computer and before sinking into the silence, decided to open my work emails. Ooops. My inbox had several issues that needed addressing. Instead of centering myself in calmness, I immersed myself in work.
And so I create a start to my day that is not what I intended, not what supports me best.
No one else chose to open my work emails but me.
And I smile at myself.
I am 100% accountable for what I do and for what I bring into my life.
This morning, rather than choosing to do what is most affirming and supportive of me, I chose to let myself become side-tracked by work.
Had I followed my intention, whatever was waiting in my emails would have still been waiting, and I would have addressed it from feeling full, balanced and able to maintain a level of calm attention to whatever needed addressing.
Instead, I am now feeling frustrated, anxious, less centered in my approach to the day.
Because that’s the thing. When I circumvent my own self-care, I veer off into the arena of addictive, unhealthy practices — such as reading emails ‘just because’, immersing myself in work when what I need is to immerse myself in good self-care.
I am feeling frustrated.
Not by the emails or work, but by my actions.
Work always has its frustrating aspects, its crises, its situations that need immediate attention along with its invitations to create and explore opportunities.
When I let go of good self-care, I move out of the space where I am open to creative thinking and problem-solving into that space where my focus is on the tactical not the strategic. Caught in the list of ‘to do’s’, I lose sight of the possibilities.
Time to ‘begin again’.
To take time out for me before I enter ‘work mode’.
While I may be entering my morning backwards, it is never too late to begin again. Never too late to start my day in self-care.
One nice thing about meditating and savouring the silence now is I won’t be distracted by thoughts of ‘I wonder what’s waiting for my attention in my emails?’ (and yes, I’m smiling at myself when I write that. I recognize the contradictions of my thinking.)
I breathe and settle myself into the silence.
I begin again to begin my day with centered calmness.
I begin again to fill myself up with peace and thoughtful balance so that I am well-nourished from the heart out to experience my day in loving kindness, my spirit buoyed up by creative energy flowing freely and my heart full of compassion and Love.