Recently, I was called a ‘white woman’. It did not feel like a compliment.
Last week, someone suggested some information I provided was not true. In their inference that I was hiding the truth, it felt like I was being called a ‘liar’. Their comments did not sit well with me.
This morning, in meditation, acceptance and surrender opened up into gratitude.
I do not like being called a ‘white woman’ nor a liar. However, when I move into gratitude for the opportunity to grow through the angst of my reactions to these two separate and distinct yet interconnected circumstances, I move beyond anger to a place of calm.
People can only see the world through their own unique lens. Calling another names, or defending against the truth they speak by implying they are lying, is a reflection of where each of us sits in our individual journey towards self-awareness and acceptance.
Feeling angst and anger over what another has done to us is a reflection of where we have tender spots within that need loving care and attention.
I respect where the individual who named me ‘white woman’ was coming from. They are on their own journey in a world of contradictions.
I have struggled to find peace in the situation where someone implied I was lying. This is my reputation they are playing with. My credibility. “How dare they!” I want to cry out, the child within stirring uneasily in memories of the times as a little girl when I was called a liar by my family, even though I desperately wanted them to believe I was telling the truth. And the critter inside my head leaps into action. Hissing wildly, he insists I pay no attention, take no heed of their words. Stamping his tiny little critter-like feet, he echoes my fearful thoughts, “How dare they!”
Breathing deeply I gently and lovingly remind myself to come home to my heart, to my place of inner truth and grace.
My responsibility is to be accountable for me. My value, my worth is found in how I move through the world, acting with integrity and grace in all things. It isn’t about ‘turning the other cheek. Holding others accountable for their actions is important. Even more important for my sense of self-respect is to recognize where someone else’s words have created angst within me and to address my responses so that I walk in my integrity.
And still, the critter hisses. How dare they!
And my heart responds.
They dare because, like me, they know fear.
They dare because, like me, they have unhealed places inside their hearts and minds.
They dare because, like me, they have known the pain of rejection.
They dare, because, like me, they have known the shame of blaming others and of being wrongfully blamed by others.
They dare because, like me, they have known the angst of trusting the untrustworthy and of acting in untrustworthy ways.
They dare because, like me, they are human.
We are all on this journey of life together, swimming in the waters of our humanity, struggling to find solid ground in being who we are, without fearing who the other is, will somehow diminish or distract from our worth.
We are all worthy. Sometimes, in our fear we are not, we search for our worthiness by daring to express our humanity in ways that harm or hurt or confuse others.
To know our true worth we must dare to confront our own humanity; contradictions and truths, beauty and the beast, ying and yan, dark and light. In our seeing into the darkness that is present in the light, we must embrace unequivocally the truth of who we are. We are human.
Moving into gratitude for my human condition, grace finds me where I’m at, embracing me in the healing waters of forgiveness and acceptance.