Several years ago, after having done something really stupid to my beloved (I may or may not have called him an ‘azzhole’ when he asked me to marry him), I realized I needed to do something to create value from that situation.
He wasn’t all that upset. In fact, he thought it was quite funny I got so upset when he asked me to marry him in front of 40 people gathered in our home for my 60th birthday party.
I thought it was awful I responded as I did. Particularly as my beloved LOVES surprises.
I am not so good with surprises. Don’t get me wrong, I love to surprise others but I like to be prepared when being surprised. Go figure.
What I realized at the time was that in my not so nice and prepared response to his surprise proposal, I was quelching one of the things I love most about C.C. His spontaneity.
It also didn’t help that a couple of months later I really got tripped up by my expectations of him and we ended in a royal battle. He was living in another city and I needed to do something to bridge the physical and emotional distance between us.
I started to write him a love poem a day. Originally, my intent was to write for 14 days, but as I delved into the sweet tender joy of exploring love through writing a poem every morning, I became immersed in the wonder of what happens when I started my day ‘in Love’.
For one year I wrote him a love poem a day and emailed it off to him. As the project that wasn’t a project evolved, I began to take photos of my day and write the poem to it. It was a way of sharing our day in a unique way.
Occassionally, C.C. would send me back a poem. What a lovely gift that was. But it didn’t matter. Whether or not he said anything, commented, read my poem even — what mattered was that I was sharing with him.
Eventually, what I noticed most was that my understanding about Love, about how to Love and especially, be loving, shifted. Immersed in loving thoughts every morning, my days were filled with loving spaces.
It was an incredible gift I gave myself without even realizing when I began, what I was creating — not just between us, but within me.
Initially, my Love Poem A Day project was ‘for’ C.C.
In the end, it enriched me – and in that enrichment, it impacted my life, my world, my love and lover, my relationships on every level.
The poems weren’t long. Some were a line or two. Some a full stanza.
It didn’t matter.
What mattered was, I was writing a Love poem a day, and in the process, opening myself up to Love.
When C.C. and I exchanged vows on April 25th 2015, my gift to him was a song my dear friend, an amazing human being who was also our DJ at the wedding, created of some of the poems. His ‘hip’ name is @YIntelligent — I call him Ken.
I was thinking of Ken this morning as I prepare to leave this sector. Ken and I worked together for several years and always, he was kind, funny, compassionate and above all committed to giving his best.
I’ve met so many incredible people working in this sector, Ken is one of those whos passion for serving vulnerable people reminds me daily to always seek the possibilities in every soul I meet. To always be a soft place for someone to land and to always be kind.
I was also thinking of Ken’s song A Love Perspective as C.C. and I prepare for this next part of our journey. I feel so incredibly blessed to have him as my walking companion. My love. My heart.
I’m excited about what tomorrow may bring! I am excited about each moment right now.
This is the soundtrack of Ken’s song, A Love Perspective. It is his wife and young daughter who are the voices.