I have a memory of my parents. They are in their kitchen. My dad is making one of his famous stews, or perhaps bread. Dirty dishes cover the counter. There is lots of noise. My father was not a quiet man.
My mother is fluttering around him. She is trying to clean up his mess as he cooks.
“Leave it,” he mutters. “You’re getting in my way.”
She ignores him. He keeps muttering angrily. She stifles her tears at his angry words and keeps doing the dishes.
It was their way.
The kitchen was his domain. Keeping it clean was her contribution, except for those times when he would give way to her desire to prepare her ‘fancy’ dishes. He’d grumble and mutter about ‘fancy food’ being a waste. About how the aromas bothered his sinuses, especially garlic. You shouldn’t mask good, hearty food with that garbage, he’d continuously blurt out whenever mom prepared one of her beloved curries or special dishes redolent with the aromas of India and France spicing the air and dancing together on the palate.
Whenever my mother came to visit she would immediately gravitate to my kitchen and start to clear away dishes and wipe down counters.
Helping out was her way.
It was not my way so I’d shoo her away.
It was the story of our life.
My mother wanting to help out. Me rejecting her help.
I am still that way. I don’t like people in my kitchen. I don’t accept help easily.
Back then, I didn’t understand my mother’s love language. I didn’t understand that after a lifetime of being told by my father that she was ‘in the way’, she wanted to find a way to be of service in peace.
In her lifetime, I never found a way to let her help out in peace.
In my lifetime, I am making peace with the places where strife stirred our relationship into a mess. I am letting go of the hurts and cooking up a new way of being at peace.
This, “My Mother’s Prayers” altered book art journal, is my path.
Like a coat of white paint covering graffiti on a wall, I am painting the past with beautiful colours that weave a glorious tapestry of acceptance and forgiveness from the memories that litter my mind. Like crumbs leading me home to my heart, I am following their way into peace and harmony.
It is not our differences or all the moments we caused each other pain that matters in my life today. It is the beauty I create to honour their memory that transforms them into joy and peace and harmony.
My mother and I never had an easy relationship. In memory and in life, I am free to let go of the unease and fall with grace into the Love that was always there and always will be. Now and forever.
That is the way of a mother’s Love.
Namaste.
___________________________________________
I am off to Vancouver tomorrow to visit my daughter and her beautiful family. For the next ten days, I shall be immersed in the joy of being with my grandchildren and sharing special moments on the coast.
C.C. and I debated about my going. The ‘second wave’ of the Corona Virus is expected to hit soon. Can I do the drive safely?
He was to have driven out before me with a friend, stopping to golf at several different courses along the way. After much consideration, he cancelled his trip but, we’ve decided that as long as I take all precautions, the risks are low. I do the 11-hour drive in one day, stopping only once for gas and calls of nature (which I plan for very carefully).
These are the times in which we live. Given Covid 19s presence and my aversion to flying in its midst as well as winter’s imminent arrival and the dangers of driving high mountain passes in winter months, this is probably the last time I’ll be able to see them until next spring.
I am grateful my daughter welcomes me with such love and grace.
I won’t have much time to post while I’m gone. See you sometime after the 15th.
Namaste and Happy Thanksgiving!
Dare Boldly 
Dear Louise,
I am looking forward to the day I can “read” My Mother’s Prayers in person, knowing that holding something so precious will be inspiring.
As for your trip across the Rockies, it is something that only you can determine if it is doable, the pull of the love and feelings of a Mother and Grandmother is undeniably strong. Have a safe drive, stay stay and healthy. Hugs to all 🍗🍗🍗
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Can you tell Covid to make that day sooner rather than later? 🙂
Yes. undeniably strong. And I shall — drive safely and stay healthy. Hugs back to you both. ❤
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I am working on that COVID thing as a trip to Calgary is constantly on my mind ❤️
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It’s sad that we so rarely manage to have the relationship we would like with our parents as we’re growing up – perhaps they also had difficult relationships and carried that difficulty with them. Have a wonderful time with your daughter, Louise. ❤
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My therapist told me several years ago that sometimes, the healing cannot come in their lifetime and will only happen after they are gone. In my mother’s final years, and in the days preceding her passing, I found great peace and now, great acceptance and love.
One of the gifts from my relationship with my mother is that my daughters and I have a stronger, healthier relationship.
It is all a beautiful blessing.
Hugs
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Enjoy your trip and time spent with your precious daughter and grandchildren…….if this fall weather remains, your trip through the Rockies will be amazing and so colourful. Take your time, enjoy the trip and be safe. Happy Thanksgiving to you and your loved ones.
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Thank you Val. I am so looking forward to it!
My husband even got the snow tires put on my vehicle as BC law requires snow tires on the mountain passes beginning Oct. 1 🙂
Thanks my friend. Hugs and while it’s Canada’s Thanksgiving, I wish the same to you now… and later! 🙂 ❤
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❤️
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❤
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Should you desire for a post retirement career I feel like you could take up councilling on how to achieve peace in your life and relationships.
Drive safe, plan your stops as you said, ENJOY and return home safely. Take care.
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Oh and when we did our Calgary trip to see my mother in law after her fall — we stopped road side and I used the behind the tree washroom!
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What a lovely thing to write Bernie — thank you.
I had an uneventful drive. 🙂 Stopped twice (carefully planned) and am now savouring this last visit before winter with “the littles” — love that phrase btw — I ‘borrowed’ it for my Sundays with Beaumont blog this morning. 🙂
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Haha! Ain’t happening unless I’m in really, really dire straits. 🙂
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Isn’t it just the best phrase!♥️ Of course they won’t be little forever but it sure works now. Enjoy your time!
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Safe trip, Louise. Thank you for sharing another piece of your story. 😊
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Thank you Sharon — hope you are well! ❤
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My mum is a giver and helper just like her mum and just like me………it come naturally
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It is such a beautiful way to be Joanne. ❤
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Safe travels Louise 💕
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Thanks for sharing, and enjoy the time with your family!
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Thank you! It’s so lovely to be here. ❤
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What a beautiful prayer! There is so much emotion, often painful, around mother/daughter relationships …how wonderful to focus on the positive and the love that was there unable to find it’s way to the surface until now❤️ Safe travels and enjoy your daughter and that grand baby!
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Thank you Helen! And for following — I love how you said this, “and the love that was there unable to find it’s way to the surface until now” So true. ❤ And I am enjoying it all. So wonderful to be here together. ❤
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Louise,
It is an act of love that you revisit the relationship you had with your mother and continue to recreate it. It is easy to develop habitual ways of being, especially with family members. Time and intention can help us to see ourselves from a new perspective and that can be so valuable. Thank you for sharing your reflection here. It made me grateful for the time I have with my mother.
Be safe. Enjoy your trip.
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