Let Love Fill In The Cracks

It’s pretty simple. Right?

I mean, Leonard Cohen said it. “The cracks are how the light gets in.”

And if you’re human, there are bound to be cracks and broken places in your heart. It’s life. Few of us intend to hurt another, or cause ourselves pain. But we do.

The secret isn’t to avoid the pain. It’s to allow our hearts to grow through it. With it. Because of it.

Yesterday at the park, I met a woman I’d chatted with last week. She’s not a dog owner but she has a son whose dad (he’s her ex-husband) has a dog and who is currently laid up and unable to walk him. So she’s doing it. Which I thought was very kind.

“He’s my son,” she said. “I love him.”

We chatted some more about exes and raising a child on our own and parted ways.

Yesterday, as she walked towards me she said, “I thought I knew you the last time we met but I couldn’t figure out where and then I wondered… I watch a lot of crime TV. Are you…?” And she paused and looked at me expectantly.

I smiled. I knew exactly what she was talking about. “Yup. That’s me.” I replied.

And she got very excited. “OMG. Really. That’s amazing and wow. You look so happy.”

I laughed and said, “I am.”

We went on to chat some more about the program she had seen. The one where the story of my journey through the relationship from hell is told. Even though it was filmed many years ago, it still runs on OWN.

“I’m so sorry you had to go through that,” she said at one point.

I said, “I’m not. I have an amazing life today and healing from that relationship gave me an opportunity to grow and learn and fall in love with myself completely.”

When I told her I am married to a wonderful man she was shocked. “How on earth did you ever trust a man again after that?”

That fact is, I knew even in those first days of healing from that relationship that it was never about trusting a man again. It was always about learning to love myself so completely I knew I could trust me to always stand by me and not let me down. To believe in me enough to know that I would not compromise my values or undermine my worth by placing it in the hands of another.

I must trust myself enough to do the right thing. Always. And trust, that when I do the right thing, no matter how others respond, I will continue to do the right thing for me and those around me. Always.

And the right thing for me is to love myself truly, madly deeply.

To love myself, truly, madly, deeply, I must shine my light on the cracks and broken spaces that naturally appear as I live my life fierce, passionate and free. In those spaces, Love flows in to fill in the gaps, making the broken places, the ugly cracks, the scars and scabs dazzling fragments that make the whole of my heart a beautiful, exquisite home where Love grows wild and free.

16 thoughts on “Let Love Fill In The Cracks

  1. Your post today resonated. When I read you’d been through a terribly abusive relationship (and your story is in a movie that you are in?? What’s the title?) and got beyond and how, you give me hope. I feel like I’m on the road to healing from my last relationship (and other stuff,) but something happened a couple of weeks ago that triggered a major tailspin that I’m trying to pull out of. One part of me wants to go crawl under a rock, but I also feel it’s the worst thing I could possibly do. Instead I’ve been muddling through. Your post today, urging to shine light on the cracks, affirms that under the rock isn’t the place to be ❤

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    • I’m so glad it resonated MS. I am always fascinated when a trigger pulls strings of memory and I find myself spinning — I remind myself in those moments that that was then, this is now — and memory can’t kill me, but it can help me heal. Many hugs to you my friend.
      The documentary is part of a series called The Devil You Know — the episode about my story is called, “Devil in a Pinstripe Suit”. There’s another one on “Who the Bleep Did You Marry?” I did them for a very simple reason. I wanted other women to know that no matter how awful the relationship, there is hope. It’s funny, I don’t often think about those days anymore yet every so often, it appears and I breathe and say a prayer of gratitude for the beauty of my life today — in my writing circle the other night, one of the poems we read reminded me of that story and I ended up writing a poem about it — at least about falling so far and finding myself on the road of love and life again.
      I never did find crawling under a rock all that helpful. 🙂 (there were a lot of times that was all I wanted to do!) The challenge is, I lived as if in a dark ugly cave for all those years of abuse — I deserve to live in the light of love today!
      Many hugs, much love to you MS ❤ ❤ ❤

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  2. There is SO much to say here, but even MORE to think and to contemplate. I’d love to know and view your participation in a film story…. I think I know you a bit but obviously I have no clue!
    But then of course we all have our very own story, or even stories. I sometimes refer to things from earlier years as ‘my former life’…. which is no longer of any importance to my self of today. But same as in your life, the ‘befores’ have made me stronger, happier, and also more generous, more ‘laisser faire’, less demanding, more self-loving and -accepting. So, thanks for those pains and sorrows.
    And on a side note: Cohen was one of my all-time favourite ‘non singers’. I always wondered how a man with such a non-voice could be so tremendously loved and adored, and I always come to the conclusion that he had so many messages which rang true with his followers…. so there, well done once more, Louise! We’re alright, we have the necessary cracks to let the light in 🙂

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    • That we do Kiki — those cracks are so beautiful when illuminated with light — like that song by Peter Mayer about the Japenese practice of filling in cracks in bowls with gold — now I’m going to find the link and share it here — and I did!

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      • how lovely! My granddaughter, born June 26 last year, is named after my grandmother — the only grandchild and great grandchild of my mother to have been blessed with the name, Ivy. When I speak to either of my two aunts of my mother’s 5 sisters (one in France. one in India) they always ask about, “My Ivy.” My mother passeed away just before Ivy was born — when my daughter shared that they were naming here Ivy, my mother cried tears of joy. It is such a beautiful gift.

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