Years ago, I received an invitation to speak at a conference for crisis support workers in the gender-based violence sector. The organizers informed me that my talk would be a part of the ‘Survivor’s Stories’ segment of the conference.

I hesitated. “Thank you, but no thanks,” I replied. “I was a victim of abuse, and yes, I survived. But to label me, or anyone who has endured violence and emerged from it with their life, as a ‘survivor’ denies the truth of who we are and all we’re capable of. I was undoubtedly a victim of his abuse. However, beyond all he did to try to diminish me, I must step into my power by claiming my role as a victor. Victors have agency, power, strength, and courage. Believe me, it takes courage not only to walk away but also to reclaim and rebuild your life after abuse. It takes a victor’s mentality.”

The organizers agreed not to introduce me as a victim or survivor.

I felt victorious.

Each day, life presents opportunities to rewrite the narrative of our lives, to shift the story we tell ourselves and others from victimhood to victory, victim to victor.

What’s your narrative?

What stories do you tell yourself? Do they pave the way for a life filled with fulfillment, abundance, joy, and love? Or do they keep you anchored down in regret, playing small and feeling unfulfilled or worthless?

If it’s the latter, perhaps it’s time to consider rewriting your narrative.

The art of rewriting your narrative is a journey of self-discovery and transformation. It’s a journey where you become both the author and the protagonist—a voyage to rediscover the poetry of your soul and craft a narrative that reflects your true magnificent essence.

In a world that often confines us within predefined roles and expectations, reshaping our stories empowers us to unlock our full potential. Crafting a new story of your life starts with a willingness to shed labels, no matter how comforting or familiar they may be, and to journey unlabelled and unburdened by limiting beliefs that would otherwise hinder you from living life on your terms.

Here are seven steps you can take to rewrite your narrative to tell your victor story.

1. Self-Reflection and Awareness: Sit quietly. Breathe. Reflect on your life journey, on the stories you’ve told yourself about who you are and what you’re capable of. Identify any negative or limiting narratives that have held you back. Awareness is the first step toward change.
2. Challenge Negative Beliefs: Once you’ve identified the negative beliefs that have shaped your narrative, challenge them with kindness and curiosity. Ask yourself, “Do these beliefs lift me up or pull me down?” Explore if they’re ‘fact based’ or assumption-riddled or inherited expectations. Replace them with affirming and empowering thoughts.
3. Set Empowering Intentions: Craft a clear vision of the human-being you want to become. Set intentions that reflect your true desires and values. Define the qualities, strengths, and achievements that resonate with your authentic self. Visualize this new narrative as if it has already become your reality.
4. Take Action and Embrace Growth: Rewrite your narrative by taking deliberate actions aligned with your new intentions. Step out of your comfort zone, embrace challenges, and welcome personal growth. Every step you take toward your aspirations reinforces your rewritten narrative.
5. Surround Yourself with Supportive Allies: Seek out a supportive community of friends, mentors, or therapists who can provide encouragement and guidance on your journey. Share your rewritten narrative with those who believe in your potential and can help you stay on track. Their support will bolster your confidence.
6. Celebrate Your Achievements: As you make progress, celebrate your achievements along the way, no matter how small they may seem. Acknowledge your successes and use them as evidence that your new narrative is becoming a reality. This positive reinforcement can be a powerful motivator.
7. Practice Self-Compassion: Remember that rewriting your narrative is a process that may involve setbacks and moments of self-doubt. Be gentle with yourself during these times. Practice self-compassion and remind yourself that change takes time and effort. Treat yourself with the same kindness you would offer a friend facing a similar challenge.

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