Dare boldly

A blog by Louise Gallagher

Seek clarity

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What do you do when you’re afraid of the truth?

Truth is, we have all avoided or tried to ignore truth in certain situations.

We have all found ourselves in places where facing the truth is the last thing we want to do.

It can be a big thing, like realizing it’s time to leave a relationship and wanting to pretend it’s not.

It can be smaller things. Like knowing you’ve got a cavity and need to get it fixed but letting it go, on and on. Or, avoiding telling a friend you can’t make their birthday party because you had a prior commitment, but don’t want to hurt your friend’s feelings by telling the truth.

Avoidance strengthens fear.

When we avoid truth-speaking, it strengthens our fear of truth.

There is nothing to fear in truth-telling, but when we avoid it, there is a momentary relief that happens when the brain realizes it ‘dodged that bullet’ for a moment.

Then reality hits. The truth is still unspoken. You think about facing it but the critter inside says, “Remember how good it felt to not tell truth? You can have that feeling again by avoiding it now.”

And somewhere inside you a voice responds, “Oh yeah. That’s right. It felt okay to not deal with that now. I’ll put it off some more. Maybe I’ll never have to face it.”

And the relationship, or your toothache, or the leak under the sink, gets worse and your feelings of wanting to avoid the truth strengthen. Not because the truth is fearful, but rather, because your brain has decided avoiding truth feels better than speaking truth.

To avoid falling into the trap of convincing yourself not speaking truth is better than facing reality, be like Nike. Just do it.

No matter your fear. No matter the voice inside urging you to retreat. Just do it.

Speak truth.

As the saying goes, “Turn up. Pay attention. Speak your truth. Stay unattached to the outcome.”

To avoid fear or feeling badly about yourself, or negative self-talk that whispers about your inadequacies and short-comings, clean up your life by getting clean on the truth with yourself.

That doesn’t mean it’s a free ride to say what you want. Remember, in all things be kind.

Truth in its purest form does not hurt. It sets us free. To be kind. To be thoughtful. To be caring and above all, Loving.

For me, the truth in this moment is, I’ve been fighting a cold all week. I have struggled with being present because I’m tired and feeling less than par. I’ve wanted to avoid turning up because I’d rather be in bed!

Truth is, when I turn up how I am, where I am, I bring the best of me, however I am in that moment, to the page.

In my turning up, I remind myself that no matter my fear of ‘writing bad’, or not making sense, or not being as impactful as I tell myself I need to be, being here isn’t about ‘the outcome’. My turning up here is something I do for myself every day to set myself free to live my day in the light of knowing, I am giving my best, in this moment right now and, my best is good enough.

And that’s the truth!

Namaste.

 


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To Be At Peace

To be at peace doesn’t mean rolling over and giving up.

To be at peace is the art of keeping your cool, no matter how fierce the winds are swirling around you, or how harsh the cold.

It means staying true to your values, your beliefs, no matter how hard the knock.

It means, not striking out because someone struck first, and instead, responding to create the more of what you want in the world, not the less of their actions.

Our human nature often wants to strike back. Get even. Make them feel what we felt.

Yet, to do so doesn’t make us feel better if in striking back, we too are hurt, we too are carrying the burden of regret, of anger, of pain.

Getting even gives short term gain. Long term pain.

Go for the long game. Find the path to peace by holding yourself 100% accountable for all your actions, words, thoughts and deeds. Stand true to who you are. Act out of your values and do not let yourself be pulled into the storm of someone else’s chaos. Create peace where ever you are and seek it in all things.

Namaste.


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See Only Love

Have you ever noticed how often you interpret someone’s facial expression as being negative? How you see their ‘look’ as meaning they don’t like what you said, or disagree, or don’t like you?

And then, when you discern negativity, how often you change your words, or apologize, or explain away whatever your opinion was?

What if instead of jumping to conclusions, you instead jumped into the belief, there is only Love to see. Love is all around. And in Love, there is only acceptance. Compassion. Empathy. Understanding..

In Love, there is no need to change your opinion or switch gears to please another, or to avoid what you believe will be an unpleasant conversation.

In Love, there is only the opportunity to dive deeper into what connects us. In Love, there is no rejection. There is only the space for closeness.

Try it. Just for today. Instead of watching for negativity, seek to see only Love.

Namaste.

 

Seek Connection

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We see what we believe is true.

We believe what we think we know.

We do not know what is true for another.

Yet, when we see someone who is visibly homeless, addicted, depressed, ‘other’, we believe we know what the problem is — the addiction, depression or some other ‘choice’ they made to get their life into such a state.

We do not know the truth of another until we step out from behind our judgments and beliefs about the circumstances of their lives to connect to the heart of what makes them so human.

As humans, we seek connection. When we don’t have it, or can’t get it, when we feel disconnected, alone, left out, we experience pain.

We will soothe our pain by any means. Addictions are a way of soothing pain.

If you don’t believe it, watch yourself the next time you walk into a meeting or into a social gathering where you don’t know the majority of people in attendance. What do you reach for? A cup of coffee? A drink? Or, do you reach out to someone to connect?

What happens if you feel rejected? Do you smile and keep trying or do you pick up whatever is in front of you, a cup of coffee, water, a pen, and ‘act busy’?

An addict is doing the same thing. Their pain goes so deep it travels back to childhood, continually pushing them to push away the pain in the ‘here and now’ of whatever happened ‘back then’ to cause them to feel isolated unwanted, shamed, dirty, unworthy.

In their pushing away the pain from ‘back then’, the here and now becomes a place to avoid. And the only way to do that, is to numb the pain in the here and now.

We all have self-defeating behaviours we employ to numb our pain. For some, those behaviours can be deadly. And while we may want to label their behaviour as wrong, or even label them as ‘bad’ people, they’re not. They’re human. Just like you and me. It’s just for them, the pain is so bad they cannot live with it.

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In this short video, Dr. Gabor Mate gives a different view of addictions and explains why finding our light within is vital to being kinder to ourselves, and thus the world.