We are out to dinner with a couple, Carol and Gerry, from New York. Longtime friends, Carol, is an avid volunteer. The conversation turns to ‘making a difference’ and Liseanne, my youngest daughter, shares the story of recently driving with her boyfriend past a man walking along the edge of a busy thoroughfare who was obviously inebriated and in distress. The street was too busy to stop on so they called 911, turned around, and kept driving past him until EMS arrived. “We couldn’t just leave him there,” my daughter explained.

One day, while walking through an open area outside a large department store at a local mall, I passed a man sitting on the cold, marble floor. He was holding his head in both hands and rocking back and forth. I stopped to check on him and realizing he was intoxicated and in distress, I called for assistance. While waiting for EMS, I sat on the floor with him and chatted.  His relationship had just broken up, he had just lost his job and he was feeling hopeless. When EMS arrived, he kept telling them while pointing at me, “She’s not part of the problem. She was only trying to help.” When I left him in the hands of EMS and two very kind police officers, I knew he would be well cared for — in the moment. But what about afterwards?

What about when he awoke and faced the demons that had pushed him over the edge to that place where all he could think to do was to sit in the courtyard of a busy mall or lay on the grassy verge of a busy road? Would he love himself? Would he be able to face himself in the mirror and say, ‘I’m okay?’ Or, would his self-talk be riddled with shame speak? Would his inner critic keep pushing him down, beating him up and telling him what he kept repeating to me as we sat on the floor together, ‘There’s no point. I’m such a loser.’

Shame. We all have it. We all carry it. And, if we want to make a difference in the world, it’s vital that we all let it go so that we can move with courage and grace into that place where who we are is the one we love unconditionally.

Brene Brown, in her outstanding book, The Gifts of Imperfection, Let go of who you think you’re supposed to be and embrace who you are, writes about ‘Wholehearted Living’. Her research, and experience, of shame and its debilitating effects on our human condition has provided her with concrete evidence that to ‘be happy’ we have to be willing to let our true selves be seen and known. We have to understand the power of fear and shame and know, we are good enough.

To make a difference in the world, we have to start within ourselves. We must let go of what keeps us playing small so that we can turn up the light and be the brilliant beings of love and compassion and joy and grace we are born to be. We must let go of shame.

As Brene Brown writes:

“Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it. Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy — the experiences that make us the most vulnerable.  Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of light.”

Are you carrying shame? Regrets? Self-loathing? Are you playing small?

Start practicing courage, compassion and connection in your life today — the foundations of what Brown calls, wholehearted living. Invite “You learn courage by couraging.” writes Mary Daly.

Do one courageous act today and make a difference in your heart, and let the whole world will light up around you.