As I drifted to sleep last night, I wondered… did I laugh today? I mean really laugh. Deep, rolling laughter that burbled up from my belly, tumbling over itself to be released.
It’s important. To laugh every day. Out loud. Just for the fun of it.
My friend Mary would also tell you, it’s important to cry every day too. There’s so much sadness and sorrow in the world, she told me once. And so, to cope, to deal with it, to let it flow freely, she gives herself permission to cry for a few minutes every morning.
It makes a difference, she says, in how she flows through her day. Having a good cry is healthy. It frees up room to be present without sad feelings for the world’s woes getting in the way for how she deals with her day.
When I was first released from the relationship from hell, I knew I needed to cry. Lots. There was so much pain, sadness, sorrow, grief stored up in my body, I knew I had to let it flow.
But I was scared.
As a child, I remembered my mother crying, a lot. She suffered from depression and I was terrified that if I started crying I would never stop. Most of my life I had pushed back tears, damming them up behind the wall of my perfect smile. I didn’t like to cry.
But I knew I had to let my tears flow. I knew I had to give myself permission to ‘feel bad’.
To teach myself that I could be safe with my emotions, I gave myself permission to cry, everyday for ten minutes on the hour. The other 50 minutes, I had to do something that was healing and affirming of me. (I was really broken when I got out of that relationship. I had spent almost five years cowering in silence and after the first day of lying in bed crying, I knew I had to teach myself not only how to feel my emotions but also how to stand up and be strong.) On those days, when all I wanted to do was cry and cry and cry, I reminded myself to ‘wait!’. It wasn’t my crying time. And so, I’d wait until the hour and then let myself cry for the proscribed time (I continued to shorten my crying time as I felt myself healing). And when my crying time was over, I’d have to continue to do something positive and affirming for myself. Sometimes, that meant getting outside and taking Ellie, the wonder pooch, for a walk. Other times it meant writing, volunteering, job searches — whatever I could to take a step away from grief into the light. It wasn’t the particulars of what I did in the other 50 minutes of each hour that made a difference. It was that I did something positive and affirming.
In time, I taught myself that it was okay to feel my feelings, and let them flow. I discovered I had the power to choose how I expressed my emotions, and, equally as important, that crying, like laughter, is healing.
My tears made a difference. In letting them flow, I honoured my pain and sorrow, I acknowledged my grief. I didn’t need to hold onto it, but I did need to let it go. Tears helped.
And so did laughter.
To make a difference in the world, it is important that I be healthy — not just physically, but emotionally, mentally and spiritually too.
Tears and laughter help.
Take time today to feel your emotions. Take time to let them flow. Take time to let yourself be made different through expressing yourself with more than just words. Laugh. Cry. Dance. Cheer. Scream. Yell. Go throw eggs at trees.
Let your emotions flow and give yourself the gift of freedom to be all of who you are meant to be in the world.
You’ll be glad you did — and so will the world around you!
Dare Boldly 
Everybody’s stories are reminding me of a great line I just heard and love. I’ve been participating in “The Vagina Monologues” this month, and if you haven’t read or seen it, there’s a great piece at the end called “I am an Emotional Creature” — basically how we females (whether by nature or nurture — not important here) are more in touch with our emotional worlds, yet have all these messages that we should be “turning off the tap” (which is not being true to ourselves, let alone healthy).
My favourite line from it:
You wouldn’t tell the Atlantic Ocean to “just behave”! 🙂 🙂 🙂
LikeLike
I think this is so true Louise. Especially when you talk about the need “to teach myself that I could be safe with my emotions.” When I was suffering from a eating disorder years ago, that was the most important lesson I learned: that I could handle my own sadness. Laughter was always easier, not surprisingly!
LikeLike
” I was terrified that if I started crying I would never stop.”
That’s where I am now 😦
http://nikkysstrengthandweakness-nikky44.blogspot.com/2012/05/cry-for-help.html
LikeLike
Hello lovely Nikky — tears need to flow — and, for me, I needed to know I was safe letting them flow — by teaching myself how to be present in my life in between letting them flow.
Remember my friend, be of gentle heart and know… this too shall pass.
Hugs
LikeLike
bengali women are famous/infamous for laughing/crying 🙂
i know what you are talking about.
LikeLike
I admire a culture that ‘allows’ for emotional expression! 🙂
LikeLike
Laughing is something we all should try and do each and every day but so many people don’t, hubby doesn’t laugh as often as I do in fact he can go for weeks without having a good laugh unlike me who laughs more or less every day, I will start laughing while reading blogs which is one of the many reasons I love to blog…………
LikeLike
when my daughters were younger Jo-Anne, we used to do laughing meditation together — they loved it!!! So did I 🙂 Sometimes, after I teach a seminar, I will invite the participants to laugh with me — it always starts out awkward… but it does move into a natural flow. And we all feel invigorated and peaceful afterwards.
LikeLike
I think I cried every single night for a year after I escaped from my last marriage. There was so much hurt and pain to release, and it was necessary. And somehow I knew when the time for crying was over and it was time to move on. Thank you for pointing out that there are legitimate reasons to cry, life isn’t always easy. Many days I cry briefly just because of the pain and suffering I see so much of in the lives of the clients I assist all day long. I think we have become “depression fearful” so that we are afraid that a down time means we are falling apart and our lives are spiralling out of control. Crying is healthy, if we are able to move on after it just as you have described, and certainly laughter is even healthier, though not always as easy to find. My husband makes me laugh often, and I treasure him for that gift!
LikeLike
It’s so good you let those tears flow Josie — and now, your heart has room to flow with grace and love! Blessings my friend.
LikeLike
I love this!!
I believe the day is not worth living is there is no laughter in it, I mean real, deep, belly laughter. I make sure it happens several times a day 🙂
LikeLike
Brandi — and you live your belief! I loved our meetings because you always made me smile, and my heart fill life with your ebullient personality! (nice to see you!!!)
LikeLike
Louise, I so agree with what you have said here. I could have just about written this post myself. For many years, I successfully stuffed emotions, but one day I realized that it was like a volcano and the longer I held it in, the bigger the eruption would inevitably be. And when I had a relationship end heartbreakingly bad, bad, bad – I did just that. I cried and wept for almost two weeks straight and could not stop until there were literally on tears left. Since then, I’ve learned to let emotions flow when they need to flow and not suppress them. It’s much healthier. I truly believe that stuffing emotions can give you cancer – both emotional and physical.
Thanks for sharing!
LikeLike
Thanks Cynthia — isn’t it wonderful to learn from our pasts? … now to pass our learning along to our children and those we love! 🙂
LikeLike
Crying on cue? Wish I could do that… So many times I know I need to cry, but just can’t make myself. (Then, of course, it happens at the most inappropriate moments and I stuff it back in, rather than relish the opportunity.)
LikeLike
LOL Alyssa — there was no cue to the crying. The cue was in the not crying!!! I had so many tears they just wanted to keep on flowing. and yup — stuffed many a tear… hugs looking forward to Don’s concert tonight. As I type, he’s in the living room warming up! Wish you were here.
LikeLike
Wish I were, too — have a great evening!!!
LikeLike