She thought she was ugly. Fat. Gross.
She thought she was the only one in the world who felt like they were unworthy. Undesirable. Unloveable.
She thought she was all alone.
She’s learning. She’s not.
It’s been a tough journey. A difficult, and long and winding, road to come to a place where she can see and feel and know — she is not alone and she is beautiful, just the way she is.
Several years ago, when I was first coming out of the relationship from hell, I met once a week with a psychiatrist to talk about ‘my stuff’. At one point I said to him, “I know I’m an experiential learner and I really like the place I’ve come to, but seriously… did I have to take such a painful route?”
“It is the path you took,” he replied. “That’s all. There were a thousand paths you could have taken and this is the one you took.”
In his comment, my judgments of my path fell away and I began to appreciate the journey without bemoaning each painful step of the way. In his words, I found the beauty of my strength and courage, and let go of my self-criticism, denigration and judgment.
It was a powerful moment. A moment that made an enormous difference in how I moved into freedom to be open, caring, honest and true in a world of wonder. In that moment, I felt the gentle touch of self-compassion and love embrace me and I knew — I am not alone.
My eldest daughter has struggled for many years with an eating disorder. Yesterday, she called to tell me she’d done it. She’d posted her first blog about her journey. She is determined to heal and to share her journey publicly so that others can join her on the healing path.
I am in awe of my daughter. I am in awe of her courage, her strength and her commitment. (and a tad envious of her incredible writing talent! She’s got soul.)
Like Lisa at Lisa W. Rosenberg who writes on Body Image and Identity, my daughter is courageous and open and willing to share her experiences to offer strength and hope to others.
Like Alyssa at Journeys in Lyssy-Land who writes about her explorations of her creative world and ongoing journey from survivor of childhood sexual abuse to joy-filled thriver, my daughter believes in the power our stories hold to connect each of us, heart to heart, soul to soul so that our minds can be set free to see and know the beauty of this world we live in.
And like Nikky and CZ and Marilee and countless upon countless others who write it out and connect and shine their light to illuminate the path out of the darkness into the light of Love. Peace. Harmony and Joy.
I am in awe.
It has been a painful path to come to this moment. A difficult journey for my daughter. Yesterday, she called me to tell me she’d posted a blog. I cried when she told me. Not because of ‘what’ she’d written but because she had written and shared her journey. — As her mother, I would have wished for anything else than the pain of what she’s experienced. I cannot change her path. I can celebrate her courage and strength and be grateful she is alive and learning to thrive in a world where she is making a difference through being present, exactly the way she is.
And I am grateful. She is stepping into the light and the world is shining through her beauty, love and grace.
Her blog is: How I Survived Myself
Dare Boldly 
I thinking blogging gives one visibility, and gets the pain out. A beautiful practice for healing.
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Louise! She is a wonderful writer…her courage most definitely an inherited trait from her mother.
I hope she finds as much clarity as I have with blogging. It’s definitely something we do for ourselves…there are times when I don’t even know I know what I know until words are wrapped around my knowledge. Ya know?
O heck. I know you know!
Love,
CZ
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This post have me in tears now Louise. I think my tears come from the strong feeling of love that i feel from you to your daughter. I have always searched for my mother’s love. That special bond was missing.
Thank you very much for mentioning me too and for giving me the link to your daughter’s blog.
Much love ❤
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Louise, for A to write that post took so much strength, which shows that she has what she needs inside to heal. It is beautiful and so is she! I agree with Dianna above who said that the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree!
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What talent in all departments!! Who could have known. By sharing we realize we are not alone. Wishes for much happiness. Cheers Lynda
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Thanks Josie — we talked about writing last night — and I reminded her that my father was a beautiful writer…. it is something we share of him. A lovely thought. And she replied — I am the poet girl mom! (I wrote a piece for my father several Remembrance Days ago called — The Poet Boy). I loved her comment. Hugs
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A brave daughter with a powerful message that so badly needs to be shared. It is obvious that she has your writing talents as well. Very impressive!
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I hope your daughter finds posting about her journey will help her it isn’t easy to write about our lives but it can be such a postive and amazing thing…….
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Thanks Jo-Anne. I too hope the same — I know how healing and empowering I have found it. Hugs!
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LG,
your daughter is taking big brave bold bumpy steps – kudos to her and kudos to you for pointing us to it
her message will resonate with many – and her experience of seeing things as they are, not as she might wish them to be, is a healthy perspective we can all learn from
bravo!
Mark
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So true Mark — she is brave and insightful! Hugs Grandpa!
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As O’Donohue wrote in his blessing “For a New Beginning”:
“[…] This beginning has been quietly forming,
“Waiting until you were ready to emerge.[…]
“[…] You can trust the promise of this opening;
“Unfurl yourself into the grace of beginning[….]”
A’s is a courageous, beautifully articulated post. I wish her grace and love in her journey of recovery.
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Beautiful wishes Maureen. Thank you.
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Thank you, Louise!
The more we share our stories, the easier it is to learn we are not alone. The more we share our stories, the more we understand ourselves. The more we share our stories, the easier it is to find that life-saver your daughter seems to have found. Thinking good thoughts for all of you!
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So true Alyssa — thank you for your courage and light. You shine!
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Planning a visit there next.
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Thanks Susan!
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Wow, the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree!
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Young apples bear rich fruit! 🙂
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