A promise makes a difference

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My eldest daughter called me last night. She’s excited about a project she’s embarking on and wanted to tell me all about it.

I am grateful for her willingness to share with me what lives within her heart.

The other day I shared a link to the Project True Pledge video. She wrote the video as part of her commitment to make a difference in the world.

And she wants to keep doing more.

I want to invite people to make promises about their lives and to share those promises and their commitment to live true to them, she told me.

Yesterday I wrote about not being able to take my own life at a time when all I wanted was to die. Because I love my daughters I couldn’t make a lie of that one truth I held onto.

But it goes deeper than that. It goes to the promise I’d made them one cold January morning of 2003.

It was just before ‘the bad man’ and I disappeared from the city and their lives. Everything was spiralling. I was losing my hold on reality, losing my grip on gravity. I was losing. Everything.

Most of everything I owned was already gone. I was quickly jettisoning what little I had left. Self-respect. Dignity. Belief in myself. I was letting it all go. The voices in my head were deafening. Yelling, pounding, searing voices reminding me how useless I was, how worthless.

‘The bad man’ and I had gone to pick up one of my daughters to take her to her dance lessons. I went to the door of their father’s house and they both opened it and their father stood behind them. They invited me in. I could feel the ‘bad man’ staring at me, watching from where he sat behind the steering wheel of the vehicle I would later discover was stolen. I stepped into the house and the girls pleaded with me to leave him. To forget about trying to get my money back. To forget about him and just leave him.

I couldn’t do it. I wanted to make it right. I wanted to fix it. Or so I told them.

My daughter wouldn’t come with me that day. Her father would drive her to dance but as I left my eldest daughter pleaded with me to promise that I wouldn’t do anything to take my own life.

How could she know, I wondered. She’s only 16. How could she know?

I remember not being able to look at her. I remember staring down, responding with something like, “Don’t be ridiculous. Of course I won’t.” Knowing even when I said it, that I was lying.

My daughter was insistent. “Promise me,” she said. “Look me in the eyes and say, I promise.”

I shoved back the tears. I shoved back my fear, looked briefly into her eyes and whispered, “I promise.”

And I left and wouldn’t see or speak to them for months.

But that promise kept me alive in those final months. That promise was the thin thread of my past holding me to my present.

I could not break a promise I had made to my daughters. I couldn’t. I didn’t.

Promises make a difference.

I promise to live my life in joy and truth and Love and gratitude.

I promise to celebrate all that I am, beauty and the beast and to love all of me, no matter my condition.

I promise to share my gifts, to share my joy, my love and hope in ways that create more of what I want in my life and the world.

I promise to give of my best to inspire the best all around me.

Last night, my daughter shared the inspiration of how a promise she had made to her sister when they were small has inspired her to create a project about promises. In her sharing I was reminded of the power of a promise to keep hope, love and possibility alive. It wasn’t until I’d hung up and was thinking about her excitement, about how amazing she is, how strong and courageous that I remembered the promise I’d made to her and her sister that saved my life.

Once upon a time I made a promise to my daughters. Today, I live with the joy of that promise filling every breath I take.

Is there a promise you’d like to make that would make all the difference in the world to how you’ve living you life in this moment right now? Go ahead. Make it. Who knows what miracles will unfold when you do….

Namaste

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And I have promised my daughter to support Project True’s bid for funding from AVIVA Community Fund. I’m voting every day — if you have a moment, please share your vote. You will make a difference.

And, if you’d like to share your promise, Alexis will be sharing her idea soon on how you can make a difference with it!  Stay tuned…. 🙂

21 thoughts on “A promise makes a difference”

  4. You a very inspiring person to have been through so much, to not only turn your life around, but be so determined and committed to making a difference – for others. I so very much admire you. I have followed through on your oter blog today and I see there is a reference to a book that you wrote. I have tried to get one details of it but the link from it comes up blank and Amazon.com is not showing it listed. Is it still available?
    Great post.. … Brought me to tears. … Of joy for you.

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      • HI Elizabeth — thank you.

        As to The Dandelion Spirit — I am just editing and will be republishing shortly. The publisher is out of business so I am going to publish it myself. thank you! I’ll keep you posted.

        and lol re the predictive texts — I have that same issue! 🙂

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  5. Thank you for this beautiful post!!
    It is important to me because a promise is sacred for me. When I promise something, I keep it. When I’m not sure I can keep my promise, I just don’t say those 2 words, I can’t. I made this same promise you did, but I usually add something to limit it in time. I promise not to do this or that tonight or this week. It takes a lot of courage I think to maintain a promise to all your life, but it’s really worth it.

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  7. Oh, Louise. I knew some of your story, but this part–with your daughters–makes it so much more real. I know many a woman who did the right thing (or didn’t do the wrong thing) only because of a promise to her children.

    Consider yourself hugged.

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  8. You know that I have a similar promise to that of yours and Alexis’, a promise that has kept me alive but one that I’m also coming to realise gives a lot of the meaning to why I do what I do.
    I promised in July 2005 after having to explain to people I love that I didn’t want to be here anymore,
    Promising that I would be here, for whoever might need me, forever.
    It’s a promise that leads me to volunteer and help out with charities and youth work organisations all over the place. A promise that means I wouldn’t bat an eyelid at staying up all night to be there with a friend or young person who’s struggling. One that’s led me to Kenya (twice) and that means I won’t give up because I know my little host brother and sister need me to help provide for their school fees, as well as about a hundred other things…
    Thank you for helping me realise that the promise might be more than just something that holds me here when mostly I don’t want to be. Maybe one day I’ll be able to think of the promise as a gift but for now I’ll just have to keep holding onto it and keep getting through.
    Take care x

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