Heroes are everywhere and today is my day to celebrate every day heroes who make such a difference in the world.
Yesterday I received an email from Heather Innes who is the Connections Team Lead for the United Way of Calgary and Area. She was thanking the impact speakers for their work in reaching out to Calgarians to tell them about the United Way and its important work in our city. Along with her email she sent a delightful story she’d written about a conversation with her son. I asked Heather if I could share it here because it speaks so strongly to the hero in everyone.
Thank you Heather for letting me share your story here, and for all the amazing work you do to make a difference in this world. And thank you to all the Impact Speakers, Hong who organizes it all, the Campaign Associates and everyone at United Way and all its supported agencies. You make a difference. You are all heroes.
To Me – You Are a Hero – by Heather Innes
Another Saturday morning – on my knees in soapy water, scrubbing the kids’ bathroom floor. I am ruminating on how Mothers’ Day is coming up and I, maybe, won’t have to do the dishes for a full day. My 5 year old son, James, swoops in wearing his Super Hero Cape, singing at the top of his lungs.
I always knew I would get the question. I was not really expecting it in a small bathroom with James blocking the door so there was no escape. Life with children is always fun and interesting! They are never afraid to ask questions any adult might find intimidating.
“Mommy – why don’t we ever see your Mommy and Daddy?” I was a bit taken aback. I don’t talk about my parents all that often. They passed away many years ago and their story was not a very happy one.
I explained that I had not grown up with my parents because they were sick and could not take care of me and my sisters. We had been taken care of by Foster families. We had been supported by Community organizations committed to helping people. This was how we ate, how we went through school, how we got clothing and how we survived.
I explained that this is why Mommy works at United Way – so that I can help people now- like I needed help then. I get to help children be all they can be, move people out of poverty and build healthy people and strong communities.
“Mommy – you are a Super Hero!”
I said, “No – Honey – but I sure get to work with a lot of Super Heroes”.
Off he flew with his cape behind him – reminding me – we are all Heroes to someone. You are a Hero today – Change starts with you!
– Heather Innes
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I was given the gift of a story the other day about a man who is making amazing and important changes in his life. Once he was a sexual predator. Now, he’s working on being a better man. A man he can be proud of. A man others can live with without getting hurt. A man who makes a difference in the world.
His story inspires me because it speaks to the magnificence in all of us. It speaks to how ‘when we know better, we do better.’ For this man, all he knew was abuse. From abused child to abusing adult was not a big step. It’s not that he didn’t know it was wrong. It was that he couldn’t stop himself from acting out from his pain and hurting others.
And then, he went to jail. Upon release from prison he was mandated into counselling. Through that process, he began to understand he had within him the power to change his ways. He had within him the man he’d always wanted to be but never known how to become. He’s been in counselling 2 years now. He hasn’t abused. He hasn’t acted out. His self-awareness is growing. His ability to ‘stay clean’ is strengthening and his commitment to being a different man in the world is firm. He’s started writing poetry about what kind of man he wants to be. He’s started writing out his path into the light. He’s starting to see that his thinking wasn’t hard-wired, it needed re-wiring. This man has hope and gives me hope. We can stop abuse. Whether the abuser or the abused. We can stop it.
He is inspiring. He reminds me that no matter what we’ve done, we can change our lives for the better when we stand up and get accountable, take responsibility, and are committed to letting go of the past to live fearlessly in the truth of our magnificence today.
This man and all those involved in his recovery are heroes.
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There is a tragic story here in Canada this week about a young girl who took her own life on October 10 after being bullied for years by schoolmates. Five weeks ago she posted a video on her story. No spoken words. Just sheets of paper she’s written on that she showed one by one. When I heard this story and watched the video I was angry, sad, confused. How can this happen? How can we not see?
I share Amanda Todd’s video here as a reminder to all of us — this young girls life means more than just some sad words on your computer screen. It means, we must take action to stop bullying and abuse. Everywhere. However we can. Always and Forever.
Dare Boldly 
Thanks! I just think it all comes back to the same systemic gender problems (and other problems of inequality) we see in our country. Honestly, the reporting of this only displays the problems. In continuing to emphasize the fact that she flashed someone on the internet she didn’t know, the news enables people to think that on some level she deserved it. Which is unbelievable. No one deserves that. Plus it dehumanizes her at least a little in the minds of onlookers because they think to themselves, “I would never do that.”
It goes back to the same problem of lawyers being able to ask about what a woman was wearing when she was raped. The truth is it doesn’t matter if she was running through the streets naked, she didn’t deserve what she got…
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Excellent post, and good points all around. As far as Amanda Todd and the video go… I think that while bullying is an issue, the gender issues around her particular brand of bullying are worrisome when we think about what it means to be female in this country. She was bullied because she was a girl who flashed someone on the internet once (for a better analysis thank I can give here, read: http://www.vancouverobserver.com/blogs/feminista/why-isnt-anyone-talking-about-misogyny-involved-amanda-todds-life-and-death), someone took a picture, and then proceeded to use that picture to taunt her for three years. The reporting of this story as mere bullying, however, has glazed over the gender issues, and has turned it into a cautionary tale for young girls. This is ridiculous. The power dynamics involved in someone coaxing a young girl into flashing a camera through praise, and then abusing that are enough to make me physically ill.
The fact remains that minorities in this country (girls/females, non-white, poor) continue to be the biggest targets both politically, and on the playground. The fact that whoever posted those pictures of her got away with it, that they managed to avoid getting charged for distribution of child pornography, and that they managed to find ways to target her in every school she attended demonstrates her lack of power in all of this.
The slut shaming associated with Amanda Todd’s bullying is enough to make me ill. I am a PhD student studying inequality and the effects of it in the lives of homeless people. Sometimes I am amazed at how far we come. In this case (and others like it), I’m sickened by how far we haven’t… just when it feels like we’re making strides towards equality (across all statuses), there is evidence that our children continue to be socialized to exploit, damage, and generally hurt. And, perhaps even more unsettling, is that these kids learn that it is acceptable to bully somewhere…
I finish out this comment with another video, this one encouraging rather than discouraging. As adults I think we need to set better examples for our kids and call out people who try to prey on those that are different. Calling out bullies as adults teaches our kids to stand up for those who are different, as well as for ourselves. Only then can we begin to stop these incidences from happening. Here is the link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rUOpqd0rQSo
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Thank you!
Your clear words make sense — and put into perspective not only the facts but also the subtext of this issue — there are gender inequalities and social one’s too at play.
And thank you for the link to Jennifer Livingston’s article on CBS WKBT news. — YEAH!!!!!
As a mother with a daughter who has an eating disorder, Jennifer’s words ignite my passion to be real, get real and stand up to say — none of us are the number on a scale. We are what is inside. We are what we do to create a world of beauty, wonder and awe all around.
And yes, some days, I too am sickened by how far we haven’t come — and then I remember, to give into despair is to give into believing we cannot change the world. And I believe we can.
thank you for what you are doing to make a difference — your thesis sounds amazing!
Blessings,
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Your post is the first time I’ve worked up the courage to watch this video. You see I was bullied all through elementary and junior high school until I snapped and dented a locker with a girl’s head. I can’t imagine how much worse my experience would have been had facebook and other social networks been around. My daughter was also bullied in school and I got nowhere with administration so I finally told her she could hit back (Junior High reminds me of how I imagine prison)
I HATE bullying. Hate is a strong that I never use except in relation to bullying. When I snapped in grade 9, I became a bully. I’m not proud of that. It’s how I survived and took the attention off me.
I feel for this girl’s family. My heart was broken watching this video. I also feel for the bullies. They have to live with this their whole lives. My hope and prayer is that they will make peace with it and that this video will put an end to cruel and unacceptable and in many ways hard to comprehend human behaviour. What we say, what we do, has lasting implications in this world. Why not do and say things that build people up and create beauty around us?
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I usually cannot watch videos like that. I turn away. But something about Diana’s comment made me watch. I watched and I cried. There is one type of person Diana did not mention. The bystanders. Those who do not participate but watch and see the bullying – and maybe inside are horrified by it – but then turn away. Don’t do anything. In the video clip about the punchinfg incident the girl mentions 15 others who accompanied the bullies and 50 bystanders. Did any of them say “stop”. Do any of us say “stop”. Do we as a society say “stop”. …….. Or is it all too difficult ….. So we turn away. Like I very nearly did myself today as I thought ‘I know this is going to be horrible so I won’t watch it. If I do not watch it I can pretend it is not real and then I can’t be guilty of not doing or saying anything’
In the words of Martin Luther King “the greatest tragedy …….was not the strident clamor of the bad people, but the appalling silence of the good people.”
Thanks for the post and for Diana’s comment – even though you have both made me feel guilty for being one of the silent ones.
May i now find the courage to be silent no longer.
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Wow Elizabeth, very good points, but please don’t feel guilty. I love that you watched the video. I love that you poured your heart out like this. I have felt guilty too. I have been a bully and a bystander. Guilt is a useless emotion though. I guess my challenge is what can I do about this now and I think Louise presented a good platform today by sharing this video. I will work hard to not be a bystander anymore.
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Yes, that is a good way of looking at it. What we can do from this point on.
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it is such a sad situation Elizabeth and continues to draw a lot of media — and then there are those who do not understand the power of their words to hurt. What we must do is speak up, however we can, so that others find themselves beyond the darkness.
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I debated posting it Elizabeth because like you, I don’t usually watch them. And yes, there are people who stand by — but reading your blog, your comments — you do not sound like a woman ‘standing by’, you sound like a woman making a difference through sharing her best every moment.
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Well I hope that perhaps I can make some sort of difference, even in some small way.
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You do Elizabeth! Your light shines beautifully inspiring others to find their way!
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Diana — I believe we all have the capacity to do both — be a victim, be a perpetrator. The power and the healing is when we take what we’ve learned, transformed what we’ve done and use it to create better in the world.
You my friend create and inspire better in the world every day. Your experiences have made you into the amazing advocate that you are for the marginalized and disadvantaged. They have instilled in you a sense of duty, responsibility and a deep commitment to truth — both the seeking of and the acting from.
And those are all gifts the world needs.
Thanks my friend for turning up — and see, in answering Elizabeth’s comment you have created better!
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Ahh Louise thank you for your kind words. Have a wonderful Sunday!
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You are one of my super-heroes! Every day you pour love and story and hope into the world and touch so many of us! Thank you!
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Thank you Joyce — I like that we reflect eachother! Your light inspires mine…. and the circle continues.
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