I read a quote this morning at my friend Howard Parson’s blog, Hopeful Notes From Howie J, that pierced my heart.
Many people are alive but don’t touch the miracle of being alive.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh
I read a blog this morning that brought tears — tears of sadness, of sorrow, of hope.
It was written by my daughter Alexis, a young woman of great heart and soul who lives life in the key of grace. On January 1, Alexis started a blog (The Wunder Year) where everyday she shares about wearing her “Wunder Unders”, those stretchy, lycra leggings from Lululemon that are the fashion statement of an army of yoga-posing women. And, while Alexis is using her Wunder Unders to make a point to her psyche about her need to spend less, live more, she is also teaching me about the power of our hearts to feel, to heal and to grow in their capacity to live this miracle of life on the other side of our pain.
Alexis is 26.
I remember me at that age. I remember wanting to hide, to run, to avoid what was going on in my internal world by posing as all together in the external spaces I filled. I didn’t want people to see how broken I felt inside. How afraid. I only wanted them to see how together I was on the outside.
And I was, together. And I was also lost.
It took me a lot of years, and tears and soul searching (not to mention a lot of therapy) and some big experiences that almost cost me my life to get the message — living in the key of grace means dropping the masks and lovingly leaving the past behind.
Alexis gets it.
And it is in her getting it, it is in both my daughters getting it, that I am humbled and filled with awe.
I have achieved what I set out to do. To be the mother I always wanted. To inspire my children to live beyond the edge of their fears in that place where they are awakened to the miracles unfolding with every breath — no matter their condition.
I am blessed.
My awareness today of my many blessings is perhaps more poignant as I consider the loss of my dear friends whose son was fatally stabbed this weekend. Like my daughters, their son was fired up with the possibilities of life. He had dreams and he was taking action on making his dreams come true.
And now, his dreams have ended at what police have identified as the hands of a 19 year old man and a 17 year old girl.
And I want to cry out, what are we doing to our children? How have we so failed them that they could do such a thing?
It is the tragedy of our times. We love our children into being and then we lose sight of our collective responsibility in creating a world that they can live in without fear, without anger, without believing that the only way to make sense of their life is to take the life of another.
These are our children.
All of them.
And we have failed them.
It is time for us to wake-up.
None of us can undo time. None of us can turn back what happened.
But we can change what happens now. What we do next.
We can re-direct our energy. We can stand in the broken and heal.
We can. I believe that whole-heartedly, but, as my daughter writes so powerfully this morning, ” it is our disconnection that brought us here in the first place.”
To heal our world we must connect to what causes us pain. To what makes us angry. To what makes us feel scared. We must face, head-on, what is undermining our belief in the miracle and sacredness of life.
My daughter is doing this everyday. She’s not just living her life in leggings for a year. She’s stretching herself to face an eating disorder that almost cost her life. And in that stretch, she is claiming life.
She is stating, I choose to live, in all my messed up, upside down and inside out Wunder Unders this one and only precious life.
I am proud of my daughters. Proud and humbled and hopeful.
Hopeful that perhaps we can stop this bleeding of our humanity, this tearing away of our children from the loving arms of their mothers, this breaking down of our families that were to have been their safe haven.
I am hopeful. And I am frightened. Will we do it? Will we choose to face the anger and the pain and the ineffable agony we are causing our children in turning our backs on the sacred trust we enacted when we became their parents?
Will we? Or by our inaction, will we risk losing another life to the hands of a child who believes their worth is to be found in striking out with a knife that pierces our collective hearts?
Dare Boldly 
Beautiful words as always. Heartbroken to know the story from the weekend here in Calgary, though, of course.
I can only wish that if I get to be a mother I should raise children as outstanding as yours, and be such a wonderful role model!! : )
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Thank you Katie. I had a message from the father yesterday which I didn’t listen to until this morning as I was out for dinner last night — and my heart cried out for his pain.
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I can only imagine how that must feel – hugs!!!!
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Thank you Joanne — when I see my daughters and their friends, when I witness what they are doing to make a world of difference, my anxiety about what one earth is happening lessens. And so, I must remember always to see our amazing younger generation through the filter of their capacity to be the change they want to see in the world.
And still, my heart is heavy.
Hugs (and thank you! I think she’s amazing too 🙂 )
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I often watch the news and wonder what on earth is happening to our young seems like they cannot go anywhere without the fear of being attacked, bashed, stabbed or something……………Your daughter is an amazing young woman and has a great blog…………
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Laura, most days I ask Alexis… did you see what Laura wrote on her blog? did you see her comment. And always, we both celebrate another day, another blog, another comment from you.
I am grateful to share this small part of the world with you, and, I am grateful you continue to reach out, to touch hearts and minds and to take another step away from the precipice into the life you deserve.
If I were your mother Laura, I would wrap my arms around you and say, I am so proud of you my darling daughter. I am so proud and humbled by your light and love. And then, I would tell you I love you more than all the tears that will ever fall, and all the sadness that will ever cloud a sunshiney day.
If I were your mother I would tell you, You my darling daughter are spectacular.
Shine on!
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Despite the fact that I can’t read your reply without my heart aching and tears fighting their way to the surface (you know me and tears!)… thank you, for your words, your belief in light and for your encouragement always.
Your thoughts from your heart as a mother make me both comforted and sad, I don’t know how to explain it here but perhaps you understand.
It is a long way back from the precipice that I’ve been hanging on to for so long, stepping away from it mostly feels hopeless and impossible but I have to keep stepping… there is nothing else left to do.
I’m trying.
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Hugs Laura — and yes, I do understand.
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I’m sorry to hear of such a tragedy and loss of so much future goodness on all counts. I hope that there can be peace even amongst this time of sorrow for everyone affected.
You know I think that both you and Alexis are doing incredible things with your writing everyday. You’re inspiring and challenging, I’m grateful to be able to share a small part in this world with you both.
Take care
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The most beautiful words today Louise.
You are a mother to your girls
and to the EARTH
in your beautiful wisdom, sharing and GRACE.
I loved today’s blog – “the heart healing, feeling and sharing ” ….
O M G! THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart.
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Thank you Dianne — I am so grateful for knowing you and for the gift of your friendship. You light up the earth with your beautiful heart!
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It does hurt Jennifer, and yet, I find comfort in Alexis words as I know we must connect through it to find our way to Love.
Blessings my friend.
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what a tragedy, Louise…I’m so sorry.
It hurts to think of such ugliness manifesting itself on this planet.
I’m so grateful….SO grateful, for those that live in the key of grace.
That is so beautifully put….my heart thumps lighter and quicker at the mention.
There is grace enough and it is spectacular
even in the broken pain that haunts us.
Thank you for this sweet inspire,
Jennifer
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I love that you shared your daughter’s amazing blog…you are so blessed as is she. xo
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I’m saddened by the story though and simply cannot fathom such tragedy. You and your daughter have a gift ~ of gratefulness, of each other and of courage. Hugs to all…
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Thank you. I see the same gifts in you.
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“living in the key of grace means dropping the masks and lovingly leaving the past behind”…..oh how wonderful!
i love this, Louise. living in the key of grace. oh how my heart thumps lighter and quicker at the wisdom of those words.
i want to live in the key of grace. yes, yes and please.
thank you for this sweet inspire,
Jennifer
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Thank you Jennifer, for your sweet presence and your continued grace on my journey. I am blessed to know you.
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