The online definition of Desire is:
Noun – A strong feeling of wanting to have something or wishing for something to happen.
Verb – Strong wish for or want (something).
Wishin’ n’ hopin’ won’t make it so. Living in the land of ‘desire’ steals my power.
Think about it. When was the last time you said something like… I wish I could lose weight. I wish she wouldn’t do that. I wish they’d quit fighting, or yelling or drinking or smoking.
Not much power in a wish — unless of course you’re a fairy and carry around a magic wand or are a genie in a bottle who’s just been released.
No. The real power is in transforming our wishes to declarations of our WILL.
I wish I could lose weight.
I want to lose weight.
I can lose weight.
I will lose weight.
And then…. doing the work. Our work, whatever that is, of engaging our will into the act of making it happen. Committing to our BE. DO. HAVE. BE committed to DO what it takes to HAVE what I want — with of course the caveat that whatever we do, it harms no one and creates better in the world.
In Ethical Intelligence: Five Principles for Untangling Your Toughest Problems at Work and Beyond, Dr. Bruce Weinstein, (The Ethics Guy) lists the five principles that form the core of ‘ethical intelligence’ as:
- Do No Harm
- Make Things Better
- Respect Others
- Be Fair
- Be Loving
In other words, in all things, don’t act like a four-year old throwing a tantrum to get their way.
A while ago, I caught myself acting out in the Do No Harm arena. I was chatting with someone about something we were planning. Someone else had done something that changed what we’d already planned (which btw, in my humble opinion was inconsiderate and selfish — so there!). Rather than go and talk to the individual to gain clarification, I engaged in the negative side of Do No Harm. I gossiped, criticized and complained. I became the problem.
At the time, I caught myself in the first couple of minutes and stopped and acknowledged I was behaving badly. It didn’t change the facts though. For all I wished I hadn’t engaged, I was acting unethically. Behaving without integrity.
There’s nothing to be gained in gossiping behind someone’s back. There’s lots to lose.
Gossip causes harm.
Criticizing, condemning and complaining does too.
And both steal my power.
I wish… I hadn’t succumbed to my lower instincts — I gave away my power when I did that. Both in the act of gossiping and the wishing I hadn’t.
My ‘desire’ is to act with integrity in all things.
Problem is, there’s no integrity in just wishing I did or didn’t do something.
Integrity rests in my actions. In my living up to my best self. In my choices to act out on my higher good and to Do no harm. Make things better. Respect others. Be fair and be loving.
I made a choice when I acted out. It was not a healthy choice. I could have chosen to not engage in the negative talk and focused instead on exploring options on how to incorporate this new idea as seamlessly as possible to the benefit of everyone.
Which, eventually we did — because, in all fairness, what the other person did enhanced what we’d planned and the event was even more impactful than we’d imagined — because of their contribution.
Ultimately, the goal is to make things better so that everyone can shine — and co-create and collaborate and co-exist — on the highest level possible.
I am a work in progress. And when I slip onto lower ground, progress is made when I stop, take a breath, re-group and re-connect to my belief and knowing that when I choose always to act out from my higher self and stand in my power, I make my world, and the world around me, better.
And in that place, I breathe and say, Bless them. Forgive me.
And begin again.
Always begin again.
Catching myself in a self-defeating game, and correcting my course, is the way to living in my power. It keeps me centered in the 5 principles of ethical intelligence.
And the next time I’m faced with the option to gossip, or not, I will be my best when I do whatever it takes to create my best in all things.