I think about not posting. How, it’s a holiday in Alberta today, Family Day, and I should spend it with my family (but even the cat and dog are still sleeping) and I don’t really need to post everyday and I don’t feel very inspired today so why should I post and really, who am I kidding? I don’t need to post today.
I listen to the voices in my head. Clean up the dishes from last night’s ‘family dinner’, browse through Pinterest, read a few blogs. Not feeling inspired I don’t bother to comment on anyone’s posts.
It’s a gorgeous day outside. The birds are twittering at the feeder. Ooops. Gotta fill it.
Come back in. Finish clearing off the dining room table. Putz around some more. Check out the Pairs Figure Skating Champioships. Take another look at Pinterest. Read my daughter’s blog. Wow. She’s so amazing. I’m not feeling inspired. Glad she is.
Really, I don’t need to post. It’s a holiday.
Think about another coffee. Nah. Water would be better. Fill the water-filter thingie. Pour myself a glass. Stand at the kitchen sink watching the birds gather around the feeder. Turn around and notice the fridge door, — stainless steel + golden retriever + sun shining through kitchen window = ugh. Really? All that hair and dust? I just cleaned it yesterday. I clean it again.
Decide it’s time to get out of my pjs. Talk with my sister on the phone. A girlfriend. Arrange a meet-up this week.
Really? Do I need to write a blog? I’m feeling blah. Head cold fogging my thinking. Seriously? I’ve got another cold? What’s with that. Think about googling ‘frequent colds’ but decide against it. Really? What are they going to tell me other than I need to boost my immune system. Hmmm… I worked at a homeless shelter for 6 years and prided myself on the fact that my loved one’s brought colds into the house and I never caught them. Hmmm… maybe my immune system adjusted to the stress of that environment and strengthened itself. Does that mean stress can have its advantages?
Maybe I’ll google it.
Nope. Feeling uninspired. I’d really rather just go back to bed.
But there’s that painting I’m working on in the studio. The seascape that seems to be revealing itself as a pond with water lilies. Very Monet-ish.
Consider going down to the studio but the blog is calling. My mind won’t let it go. Is this a self-defeating game? to not write. I know that writing my blog every morning sets my day up for inspiration. It opens my access to the muse, clears my thinking of vestiges of sleep and ennui that threaten to curl up into little dust-balls in every corner, stopping the free-flow of ideas that are always present — when I set myself free of worry, angst, thinking I don’t have to, self-defeating games and limiting beliefs — magic happens. Trusting in the process, I become the ideas flowing freely.
Hmmm…. maybe that’s it. Maybe I’m just stalling on writing my blog to keep myself in this place of unease. Maybe, I’m telling myself a story about feeling tired. Maybe the truth is, what I tell myself becomes my truth.
What if I tell myself I want to write my blog because it’s good self-care. It inspires me.
They I’d best go write my blog. Because seriously– I have no desire to feel uninspired, tired, or even weary of living life to the fullest every day.
That negative, limited thinking does not transform my day into a thing of beauty. It only keeps me feeling BLAH.
I don’t like blah.
Think I’ll go write my blog.
And so I did.
Feeling inspired now. Think I’ll go explore what is calling to be released in the studio.
Have an inspired day! Mine promises to be!