Why can’t I have my cake and eat it too?

You know those weeks that seem long, even before you get to the halfway mark?

For some reason, this is one of those weeks.

Could be because I have a lot on my plate, several ‘crisis’ situations I’m dealing with at work as well as a few days away next week that are pushing me faster towards that place where I want to ‘get it all done’ before I even get to it.

Or, it could simply be I’m out of esteem, off kilter, not breathing deeply enough.

And then I remember.

Oops. I didn’t begin my morning with meditation yesterday nor Monday.

No wonder I’m feeling the pressure of time and circumstances.

Time to breathe deeply and begin again.

Always begin again.

I know what keeps me in balance, at peace, calm.

And sometimes, I forget, I sleep in or choose to not get up early enough to give myself the time.  I tell myself I don’t need to do it today and suddenly, I’m feeling out of sync, mis-stepping my way through my day hurrying to catch up to where I want to get to without consciously thinking of the way I’m stepping. My attention focused on getting somewhere, anywhere, I forget, it’s not the destination that makes the journey, it’s each step that creates the path. It’s my mindfulness that embues each moment with grace.

Begin again. Always begin again.

And the key to beginning again… Accept I didn’t do, or did something I didn’t want to do, and stop judging myself for not doing whatever I did or didn’t do.

I think sometimes that is the hardest part of beginning again. To stop judging myself. To stop chastising my inaction, or mis-action, and lovingly accept my human imperfections with grace.

It’s seductive. The judging myself. The beating myself up and flailing myself with the whip of self-denigration.

Because in its seductive call to keep hoisting myself on my own petard, I get to play the victim. I get to be the one I most regret being. It allows me to stay stuck in that place where I tell myself, I can’t change, I never do anything right, I don’t deserve ‘the good’, I’m a loser, Why bother? And that’s where the seduction comes in. Beating myself up for my mistakes allows me to wallow in the victim’s place of telling myselfI am incapable of change.

I am eminently capable of change.

It’s just sometimes, I don’t like it. Or, I want to convince myself it’s too much work, takes too much energy, or requires too much attention — and who wants to always be responsible anyway? Who wants to continually have to turn up for themselves and stand true to their higher good and not play down to their lesser desires?

I mean really, why can’t I have my cake and eat it too?

It is my responsibility to “turn up, pay attention, speak my truth and stay unattached to the outcome.”

Sounds simple, yet often, the challenge begins with the turning up.

Why do I need to turn up? Why can’t I just give into being the brat? Being difficult? Being angry, confrontational, petulant, the problem? Why can’t I just be the bitch and to hell with everyone else?

Because, to live the life I dream of, the life I deserve, and to live passionately in the rapture of now, I need to let go of the things I know don’t work for me today.

I have to stop giving into my lesser desires and surrender to my higher good calling me to let go of limiting beliefs and behaviours so that I can shine for all I’m worth. And when I shine for all I’m worth, I create a world of wonder and awe all around me. In that place, I know contentment, calmness, serenity, peace of mind. In that place, I am aligned, authentic and real.

I awoke early this morning and told myself it was ‘a long week’. I didn’t feel excited to face my day, I felt tired.

It was just a thought. It’s all in my head. It’s all in my attitude. It’s my choice how I begin my day. Am I willing to begin it with grace and ease, or do I want to drag my heels into the morning?

What do I want more of in my life? (and in my journey through each moment?)

Passion. Serenity. Peace of mind. Beauty. Wonder. Awe.

What am I willing to do to create the more I desire?

Do the things I know feed my passion, my desire to live up to my higher good, my capacity to be the light I am that illuminates each step of my path through the darkness.

Which means… I must stop doing the things I know bring me down. Like skipping my morning meditation and beating myself up for my human condition and telling myself things that don’t love and support me.

See! Wasn’t that easy?



19 thoughts on “Why can’t I have my cake and eat it too?”

  1. I am not sure why I can’t LIKE on my dumb phone, it keeps loading there but it lets me comment. So as I wake up, with “smart” phone in hand, I meditate on what you write like I’ve been trying to do and then will eventually get to my computer to reread and LIKE if it won’t let me here. But I loved and needed this message today.
    I ‘ve decided that sometimes it’s just not worth the trouble of being right at work. It just makes everyone ruffled. Lol. Maybe it’s my approach? Lol.
    I needed to be reminded of just what you wrote. It is nice to know that even those who I admire most, have starts with days like that! But your added reminder that it is how we start out is so simple yet effective. I’ve forgotten to give my days to God. As your meditationless mornings…
    I have noticed that i can work up an entire projected scenario in my head that I can get angry about THAT has not even happened yet! But when I start out adjusting my attitude with prayer and being aware of my mood, I can change my day.


    1. I have the same probelm from my cell phone too!

      The ‘scripting’ is an issue for me too Di. I create the whole conversation — both sides — 🙂 and it’s not until I remember to BREATHE. Stop. BREATHE. Stop. and pray, meditate, center myself that i find myself in peace again. Because yes, we can change our day! And sometimes…. it’s just soooooooo juicy to be the brat. 🙂 But then, I pay with my recriminations unless I remember to love myself enough to turn up and act out to my higher good. Hugs my friend.


  2. I love the honesty in your post. We all face these things. Power on with acceptance, breathing, non-judgment, and creating more of what you desire! Each day IS a new day….and…..each moment IS a new moment.


    1. You’re so welcome Ian. 🙂 You are welcome to use it. I had it pasted above my computer for years — I probably stole it from somewhere else many years ago but I can’t remember so… steal away! Shamelessly. 🙂


  3. Another great post which holds meaning for me.
    I have a question for you, or maybe a suggestion for a post for you.
    I have always maintained that I strive to act with grace and dignity; but when I first started saying it, I had not really understood the power of ‘grace’. I have been exploring it in depth of late (for another post) and would be interested in your thoughts. The reason I ask is that I have noted that you use the word regularly, including in this post (‘grace and ease’). The word has several meanings (elegance of movement, respectful, forgiving) and I was wondering what meaning you are referring to when you use it in your posts and in particular in your purpose statement ‘inspiring acts of grace’. Thanks


    1. I am going to think/meditate on your question Elizabeth — it is a great topic for another post. Grace is important to me. For me, grace is that place where I am immersed in the love that shimmers in the stillness between each breath. Love the question — thank you Elizabeth.


  4. I remember feeling that way too. But luckily today isn’t one of those days. So that proves that moods are cyclical. Better days are coming, and how much do you want to bet that you will have the greatest spring fever of all of us IF it ever becomes spring-like.


    1. I am glad it wasn’t one of those days for you Ronnie — I don’t have them often, and when I do, it is really important for me to remember — now is not forever. This too shall pass. Thank you! (we’re getting more snow or should I say visible spring showers of white)


  5. Hi Louise .. sounds like you are trying to be good, when its time to take of yourself instead…. self compassion is such an important part of the equation … and one that most of us forget.
    Self cuddle and nourishment without self pity is really good for us when we recognize the need!
    (Okay I know its advice for me right now as well!)
    Thank you for bringing it to my attention 🙂


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