Life’s Ineffable Mysteries

Unlike past visits from the other side where my mother sat on the closed lid of the toilet smoking a cigarillo in a long ebony holder and drinking a martini, this visit was more in keeping with my idea of spirits from the other side.

Ethereal. Mystical. Luminous.

Like other visits however, she arrived while I was in the bath.

I of course responded like I always do. I piled the bubbles up in a vain attempt to ensure she could not see me naked.

“Louise my darling girl,” she said. Her voice was softer, warmer than I remembered it. Her gentle laugh made me think of raindrops dancing on still water. “Spirit doesn’t seek to see the human form. Spirit seeks only to experience the soul.”

“Better safe than sorry,” I replied. Though I don’t think I actually said it outloud, she heard me.

“You have nothing to be sorry about, Louise,” she whispered. “You are safe in Love’s embrace.”

Harrumph. Who knew spirit was so literal?

She laughed that raindrop dancing laugh again and said, “There’s so much about life and spirit you do not know, Louise. Stop trying to find the answers.”

Again with the reading my mind.

“Life is full of mystery,” she whispered. “Your journey is not measured by how many answers you find before you go. It’s about allowing the mystery to be present, where ever you are, in the ineffable beauty of this moment.”

Seriously? I got so many questions I keep trying to answer and now she tells me to stop looking for answers and just be present?

Harrumph again.

And yet…

What if…

I just breathe?…

I close my eyes. Inhale. Exhale. Deeply.

I imagine my thoughts are like autumn leaves drifting down, down, down to the forest floor where they come to rest in the crucible of the womb of Mother Nature. I feel my body melt into the warm bathwater. My heartbeat slow. My breathing deepen.

I open my eyes.

She is gone.


And still, I know. Deep within my soul. I am not alone.

18 thoughts on “Life’s Ineffable Mysteries

  1. Each time I feel helpless I pray to my mom.for help and most of the times my problems are solved.My brain says that people who are gone take new birth and there is no way she is around listening to my whimpering but my heart strongly believes she will always be there to help me out..and this faith gives me the courage to go on…

    Liked by 1 person

    • I too struggle with that Nancy — it’s why I practice and write about letting go so much. it reminds me to do it. And thank you — both for reading my words and the photo comment — I took it on my walk along the river yesterday morning. It was such a beautiful morning! ,3


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