At the Peace Academy last night, Jane Warren and Bob Ward of Passionate Me. Vibrant We, shared directions for the path to Peace Between Us. How do we create peace in all our relations? How do we let go of the stories we tell about another, and ourselves, to create openings for truth, honesty and Love to shine?

One of the exercises they lead was to pair everyone up with someone they didn’t know and then to pair the pairs and to invite each person to tell their small group all about the person they didn’t know and had just met. No truth needed. Just make the person you’re introducing exciting and interesting and fascinating were the only instructions.

We’re always making up stories about what and why the people we love do the things they do, say the things they say, said Bob. Rather than make it a story about how ‘wrong’ they are, or stupid, or little, or just plain inconsiderate, why not make it a story of their greatness?

Good question. Why not?

We are all human. And, when we feel hurt or slighted by another, we often justify our feelings by the stories we tell on the other who created the hurt in our life.

Take when C.C. and I have a disagreement. In the throes of claiming my position versus his, I don’t check out how he is feeling, where he’s coming from, or even what’s the learning for me in the circumstances of our disagreement. I don’t focus on his strengths and gifts. I go for the jugular. That sensitive place in him where I know if I protect myself fiercely against whatever is going down, I won’t be hurt, slighted, confused, or any other feeling I am desperately trying to avoid. In my defensive mode, I list off the litany of his ‘sins’ and forget to celebrate all the reasons why I cherish and love him.

It isn’t until after the dust has settled that I come to that place of getting up close and personal with what my role was in creating the discord. And even then, it is hard sometimes to still not make it — all about him.  🙂  I too like to be right — and we all know — men always want to be right!  Just kidding. Not all men, just 99.9% of men. Okay. Okay. Maybe not that high a percentage.

See. I’ll go to great lengths to be right just to prove I’m not wrong.

So often, we focus on the ‘wrongs’ of the other. We fixate on how and why they don’t do the things we want, say the things we want to hear. We tell ourselves the stories of why they’re ‘wrong’ and forget to keep track of all the ways they make us feel special, loved, creative, cared for.

In six months of writing C.C. a poem a day, I have come to truly appreciate the gift of celebrating the other every day.

Sure, we still have our differences, and we still get into those sticky moments where ‘the other’ is from a far away planet where they see the world every other way but my way. But the power of celebrating love every day through a photo and a poem quickly carries me through those sticky moments back to the heart of where I want to live, every moment of every day. In love with me, my life and everyone in it.

We’re always telling stories about other people, just for today, make every story you tell a story of their greatness. Try it on. Make it fit, just for today and spread sunshine where ever you go!

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Thank you Jane and Bob, and thank you Howard for your Hopeful Notes from Howie J yesterday — you inspired me!

And…. my Peace Poem today:   Peace In The Uncommon Ground