Thank you Universe. I got your message.

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IMG_1103I am walking along the street towards my office. A car pulls in front of me, up the ramp to the parking lot to my right. The driver stops at the gadget where you wave your card and I walk behind where she is parked waiting for the gate to the parkade to open.

It’s her back-up lights I notice first. Why does she have her back-up lights on when she’s going into the parkade?

And then I notice she’s actually moving backwards down the ramp towards where I am walking. For a moment, I think I am mistaken (it’s a habit of mine to second guess what my eyes are telling me is true). I keep walking.

Fortunately, habit gives way to truth and I realize, she is backing into me.

I scream. Leap. Jump. Run. Scurry out of her way.

She slams on the brakes.

“You almost hit me!” I call back to her from where I stand at a safe distance, trying to catch my breath.

“I’m so sorry. I didn’t see you,” she replies.

I didn’t see you.

How many times have those words reverberated through my mind? My being. My essence.

How many times have I felt, unseen, unknown, invisible.

Thank you Universe. I got your message.

To be seen. To be known. To be visible, I must trust in what my eyes see, my heart speaks, my belly knows.

To be seen, I must be present.

It was a good reminder. Just the night before my friends Kerry and Howard Parsons and I had been speaking about, “What does the future of ‘your work’ look like?”

Can you describe the future? Can you paint in the colours of where your dreams will lead you? Can you see, feel, taste, smell your success?

I can’t.

I’ve always been afraid to do it. Afraid, if I spoke my dreams, painted them in, splashed colour in all the corners of my mind, people will laugh at me, make fun of me, call me names.

I’ve been afraid that to speak my dreams is to make them untrue.

It is part of my adaptive journey.

When I was a little girl my father loved to plan trips. We’ll go here, and here, and then we’ll do this and that. It was fun, exciting, enticing to dream of all the things we’d do, places we’d go, adventures we’d experience.

Except, we often only got part-way, or nowhere at all. Something would happen. My father would get angry. My mother would cry. The sky would fall. The rivers overflow. The earth tip from its axis.

No one could predict what might happen, so I quit counting on any of it happening.

Dreaming big is for fools, that critter inside who wanted to keep me safe from feeling the pain of disappointment would whisper. And I adapted my thinking to include — not colouring in my dreams, not planning on ‘the future’ = being safe.

This morning, as I meditated and let myself sink into the quiet space within, I saw it. I saw the car rolling backwards. I saw me jumping out-of-the-way. And then, I saw me pounding my fists on its hoods. Screaming at the top of my lungs. “I AM HERE! LOOK AT ME. SEE ME. KNOW ME.”

Yup.

I am HERE!  Look at me. See me Know me.

I’m not yelling it at you. I’m calling it out to me. For me to hear and know. I am here. Present and accounted for. In this moment. Right here.

And in my meditative state, I turned towards the past, saw its long black vine-like fingers curling towards me, desperately trying to entwine its tendrils of memory around my ankles like a siren’s song entwining its enchanting voice around a sailor’s heart.

And I took out my magic golden scissors and cut the threads. And as I snipped away I softly repeated, “Thank you for the gifts. Thank you for the experiences, the teachings, the lessons. Thank you for carrying me here. I am here now. I am free. Thank you.”

And when I was done, I turned away and walked into the present free of memory’s lure.

A woman almost hit me yesterday and in her response I found myself free to step into the light of knowing — I am here. See me. Hear me. Feel me. Know me. I am here.

And I’m not going anywhere back there. I’m stepping lightly onto the path of my dreams. Colouring in the corners of my mind with all the tastes, smells, sights, feelings, insights and possibilities I can imagine. And then…. watch me. I am here!

Thank you Universe. I got your message.

24 thoughts on “Thank you Universe. I got your message.”

  2. OH, that was WoNderful to read, Louise! I loved it too (and it looks like I have lots of company with that sentiment!). I needed to read this today, even if it’s a day late…..thank you!

    p.s. I love deep thinkers, deep people, deep connections, and that’s how come I love you.

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  3. Thanks Carolyn. I love your perspective — and so true. To be able to simply see — ah yes, the future is an ever expanding gift — is perfect! — and I love the concept of — “what is right will happen” how wonderful! Thank you.

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  4. Great that you were able to see the connection. This is what it takes to realise our presence. Our childhood can definitely cause us limitations; that is, until we are ‘free enough within’ to appreciate… I hope that you can visualise a future. It doesn’t have to happen, either. Just the ability to ‘see’ a future is all that is needed. If it happens good; if it doesn’t, it doesn’t matter. What is right will happen instead…

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  5. Eloquent post, Louise. When I cross streets, I sometimes fear distracted drivers. So I do this thing when I cross streets: I pause to stare deliberately at oncoming cars and seek eye contact with the drivers. Rarely do I see their eyes, but I feel this click of connection that lets me know I’ve made my presence known. Then I cross. What I’m saying is that I used to feel invisible in many ways, but I don’t anymore. My habits as a pedestrian are just one way I assert my presence with a shift in attitude: “I’m here. I see you. Do you see me? Thank you.”

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  6. This was a fantastic post and I so get it……………………and there have been times when I have felt like thank you universe I do not need to be hit by a mack tuck to get it even if I do seem a little slow at times……………just thought I would throw that out there……….

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    • LOL — me too Joanne — sometimes a slow learner! I used to joke and say — I am an experiential learner — and I need big experiences to get the lesson — LOL — I think the universe was listening! Now…. I just like learning the gentle way — and the Universe is still listening. 🙂

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      • LG …. I was offering (trying to) some levity. You, sometimes, take yourself way too seriously.

        You see depth in everything.

        Often there is great depth.

        Sometimes, its just an idiot driver not being careful. There is no depth in that. You had your wits about you, you didn’t get hit – and all of us who love you are glad.

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      • haha Mark — I got your joke the first time! 🙂

        as to life — it is always filled with depth and beauty and joy and I am always open to receiving it’s messages so I can live and experience and be in awe of its depth and beauty and joy.

        And thank you for the compliment — I love that I find depth in everything! 🙂

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