Alexis, my eldest daughter, wrote on her blog yesterday about her struggle to come to grips with her inner voice mocking her for the fact that to heal from an eating disorder and depression she needed to use antidepressants.
And in the world millions and millions of voices rise up and say, Thank you. Thank you for the courage to speak up, speak out, speak of this thing so many do not acknowledge — that sometimes, to survive a day we need help. It is in our willingness to reach out that we find the courage to learn how to shine.
As I wrote on Alexis blog, it is the courage to surrender and let go that gives us the strength to get back up and fall in love. It isn’t how we get there, it is that we get there that makes the difference.
Years ago, when I was in therapy recovering from a relationship that almost cost me my life, I asked my psychiatrist what it was that kept driving me to take these big experiential steps to get to where I wanted to be in life. “I like where I’m at,” I told him. “But did I need such a big experience to get here?”
He laughed and told me that there were 1,000 paths to where I wanted to be. This was just the one I happened to take. It’s judging the path that was the problem. Not the route I’d taken.
That made sense to me. Especially because I was an expert self-judgment hurler. No matter the judgment others might throw at me, I always knew I could out-do them. I was my own worst enemy.
I had to give it up. Give up judging my path. It wasn’t the path I’d taken to get to where I wanted to be that made the difference, it was my acceptance of every part of my path that changed my direction and turned me around to face myself in Love. Because, in my acceptance of all of me, however I judged myself — good, bad or indifferent — I was making choices to love myself, or not.
And so, I chose to accept who I am and to let go of my judgements about how I got to be where I was at, or where I am. Here I am is what matters. Do I like where I’m at? Am I feeling grounded, centered, free? What choices am I making to love me as I am, where I am? Do my choices celebrate me and the world around me? Do they send out ripples of harmony and love, or discord and unrest?
I have spent much of my life fearing the beauty within me. Today, I know the truth. No matter the path I took to get here, I am magnificent. So are you. We all are — because that is our birthright. Magnificence. That is the gift of life we are given when we come into this world to celebrate every step of our journey.
In my journey, I have learned to dance with the sun and the moon. To dance at the edge of the waters of life ebbing and flowing upon the tides. I have learned to dance in the rain and under the blanket of night. For in my dance there are a thousand steps, and everyone of them is a dance of Love. In love, I have learned to express all of me — the joy and sadness, the laughter and tears, the love and sorrow I feel ebbing and flowing with every breath I take. for no matter how I dance, I am and always will be magnificent.
And I am grateful. In my daughter’s dance with darkness, she has found the light of Love shining ever brightly. And in her courage to reveal her path into the light, she shines magnificently for all to see their way through the darkness. How beautiful she is in her dance of life as she calls out to each of us….
Come, let’s dance!