Dare boldly

A blog by Louise Gallagher

Loving myself in every light

6 Comments

I love how every adversity, and treasure, have the capacity to teach me something new.

Yesterday I wrote about my experience of confronting conflict and coming to the realization — my best is good enough.

It’s true. It is. but, here’s the kicker. If I don’t look for the lessons learned, if I don’t explore what happened for opportunities for growth, my ‘best’ will stay stuck in that place and not inform me.

There are opportunities to grow in every situation — the thing is, those opportunities aren’t always apparent in situ. Sometimes, it takes a bit of reflection, a bit of self-examination to see where I can learn, and grow.

This morning I had one of those ‘realizations’. Those ‘ah ha’ moments that hit me on the inside of the head awakening me to possibility. The realization came through a comment a lovely woman made on yesterday’s blog. Joanne is one of those grounded, here I am and I’m okay just the way I am, kind of people I admire. Her blog, Joanne Rambling, is always filled with every day moments that sparkle in the light of love and joy and honesty and truth with dashes of humour sprinkled throughout. And yesterday, in replying to her, I realized, that my gratitude for my good dad far outweighs the fears I had as a child.

I’ve learned so much from my fears.

I’ve learned to not cower in the face of anger. I’ve learned to use my words wisely, to be conscious of how I respond in every situation, because I have the capacity to give-away my power, or to empower myself to be the peace I want to be in the world.  I’ve learned that anger is just another way of expressing deep emotion.  That anger held in eats away at peace of mind. That anger, when expressed appropriately, can be healthy.

And I’ve learned that anger isn’t what I fear. What I fear is what happens within me when I feel my own anger or confront someone else’s. And in learning that, I have learned to stand true to my feelings and emotions in all kinds of weather. To not allow the winds swirling around me to pull me from my centre. I can change direction, but never change my destination when my destination is always love.

This morning, I embraced the knowing that Sunday wasn’t about replaying what happened in my mind, and improving what I said and did so that I looked and felt less frightened or alone at the time. What Sunday is all about is the opportunity to grow and learn and to embrace my power and my capacity to create change in the world.

Our human tendency after moments of high stress is to go back and recreate the events in a way that we either look better, or, as often happens in the case of a ‘near miss’ accident, we play the ‘What if’ game.

What if I’d been standing right where I’d been 2 minutes ago exactly in that spot where the tree fell? What if I’d still been driving beside the truck when it blew its tire. What if…

And in our recreation, we don’t focus on the gift of life we received by not being in that place where the tree fell or the tire blew. Instead, we focus on the fear of what might have happened if…

My realization this morning was the gift of knowing that in every moment I have the capacity to see the teachings and embrace the learning. Good and bad.

For me, not going back in my head to re-write the script of what I did or didn’t say means I get to focus on my ‘behaviour’ as opposed to my being. There are things I can learn to do better in those situations, and that is all about my behaviour, not about who I am.

Sunday wasn’t about what I did. It’s about what I do now. It’s about embracing the experience to allow it to inform and teach me.

So often, my fear of looking imperfect leaves me stranded in an island of regret and self-doubt. In my heart, I know — I am perfectly human in all my human imperfections — but I’d sure like it if you saw me as perfect as I go about pretending I have no imperfections. 🙂

Striving to achieve perfection is simply a self-defeating game that doesn’t get me more of what I want in my life.

But, I’ll play it anyway sometimes because…. striving for perfection keeps me from accepting myself exactly the way I am and loving myself in all my human condition, beauty and the beast.

And that was my big realization this morning. (and I am smiling as I write this). I wanted everyone in that room to see me as perfect — and quite possibly, there were a whole bunch of people in that room who wanted to be seen as perfect too. Truth is, I was perfectly me and that is good enough. I am ok.

It’s not about me ‘being better’. It’s about creating the possibility for ‘more’. There is always room for growth. Always room to learn and evolve and embrace new information. To look deeper into ‘what happened’ to allow myself to expand into the possibility — I can create better.

I have a story I want to tell on myself — and that story is about a woman who faced her fears and learned to love herself in every light.

 

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Author: Louise Gallagher

I believe we each have the capacity to be the change we want to see in the world, to make a world of difference. I believe we are creative beings on the journey of our lifetimes. It's up to each of us to Live It Up and SHINE!

6 thoughts on “Loving myself in every light

  1. LG,

    I disagree with your ‘i wanted everyone in that room to see me as perfect’ rationale.

    I’ll bet – becaues I’ve heard you speak – that what the audience saw and heard was a passionate defence of a point of view, strong advocacy for the needs of people you care about, olive-branch logic to appeal to the audience’s sense of fair-play. I’m sure any ‘challenging to house’ folks who would have heard you would be proud of how calm you remained, how well you articulated their needs, how well you soothed some fears.

    It seems like you were sand-bagged, but held your own just the same.

    Any time we go into a hostile room, we should not expect to win everyone over all at once.

    I’ll also bet, each time you find yourself in hostile territory, you will get better at it – reinforcing what has worked, trying new ways of making your points.

    It wasn’t about you . . .

    It was about them. You went into fire for people who matter. Nobody else was there to speak for them.

    That is real, and pure, and brave.

    Cheers,

    Mark

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    • Thank you Mark. I love how you can put everything into such clear light and shine on those corners I don’t always see — though I still do believe there is a part of me that craves ‘perfection’, I am grateful for your words. Hugs

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  2. “It’s not about me ‘being better’. It’s about creating the possibility for ‘more’.” What a great truth!! Thanks Louise!

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  3. I love this! I also love the way you point out the difference between who you are and the behavior you display. We are who we are but we can modify behaviour!

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  4. Another ah-ha moment for me from your post today “about a woman who faced her fears and learned to love herself in every light”.
    You do that so well and that is the lesson for me today.
    Thanks for a great post.

    Like

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