Do the Loving Thing

Show me someone who doesn’t play to win and I’ll show you a loser.  It’s not quite how Vince Lombardi said it but you get the gist. We play to win. We must. Or so we’re told.

And in our desire to win big, we revere sports players, make icons of everyday people whose faces appear bigger than life in a darkened theatre and raise up to god-like heights those whose earnings put them in the stratosphere of success.

We like winners. In a world where winning counts, what about those who don’t win? Are they, we, all losers? Do they, we, not count?

These thoughts were swimming around in my head as I awoke this morning from a dream that shifted into memory as my eyes opened and greeted the day. With gratitude I thanked the angels for their presence, took a deep breath and committed to write on the subject of winning and losing when my fingers hit the keyboard this morning.

But… I don’t remember the dream. And the rest of the words that felt so clear and true when I awoke have vanished. They seem to have disappeared, become lost in the morning light I stopped to admire out the kitchen window before walking into my office to sit down and type.

The light was beautiful. It cast a soft golden hue on just one arm of the crab apple tree in my backyard, turning the leaves a vibrant, orangey yellow colour that shimmered in the morning light. For a moment, I thought the leaves had turned to fall colours overnight, and then, the light moved and the shadows shifted and I saw it was just the sun kissing the leaves good morning.

It was beautiful.

I made coffee. Let Ellie the wonder pooch out and Marley the great cat in. Steamed my milk. Poured the milk and coffee into my favourite mug, walked down the hallway, (past the piano that still sits along one side forcing me to turn slightly sideways to get past), into my office and sat down to type.

And those are the only words I remember of the thoughts I had awoken to. The rest are lost.

Does that make me a loser?

The online Free Dictionary has many definitions for loser — one of them being — 2. a person or thing that seems destined to be taken advantage of, fail, etc. a born loser

In stopping to breathe into the beauty of the sun upon the crab apple tree was I destined to be taken advantage of by nature’s wonder and thus, in losing my early morning thoughts, become a loser born of morning’s bliss?

Or, in thinking about what makes a ‘winner’ versus a loser — and why is it important — am I given a gift to be explored that may require a few days, and a whole lot of trust in this process of filling a blog with my thoughts every morning.

And in the process of trusting the process of my morning writes, do I automatically win — even when the words I started to type are lost?

Yesterday I wrote about a space where C.C. and I stood in disagreement. In the writing it out, I was given the gift of clarity to see how my actions contributed to my unease, and to the dis-ease of our conversation. In writing it out, I was reminded of the importance of staying present, speaking my truth and not being attached to the outcome. Because agree or disagree, the answer to how to win, an argument, a fight, at life and relationship is always the same — Love one another.

Even when it feels like the hardest thing to do, Love one another.

Even when it seems impossible, Love one another.

Even when all appears lost, Love one another.

And in that Love, do the loving thing. Be it walking away, stepping closer, turning in another direction, calling an end to war, putting an end to pain, creating a new beginning, do the loving thing.

No matter what, no matter the circumstances, do the loving thing.

And don’t back down.

Because that’s what creates winners. That’s what turns losing into a win. Doing the loving thing, in all kinds of circumstances. At all times. In all places. Being the voice of Love in all kinds of weather.

I am 100% responsible for my 50% of all my relationships. I hold the key to my feeling like a winner, or a loser, in my own life — 100% of the time.

No one else can make feel like a loser. No one else gives me the power to be a winner, except me.

And how I feel is 100% up to me. How I act, is 100% up to me. What I do, say, create is 100% mine. And in my 100% may I always act, say, think, do and create in Love. May I always know the answer to every question, the one that will always create winners out of me and everyone around me is, Love.


16 thoughts on “Do the Loving Thing”

  1. Show me someone who doesn’t play to win and I’ll show you a passive-aggressive!

    The Vince Lombardi’s of the world, whether inspiring sports teams or the isolated person at the centre of a crowd, or a storm, is premised on ‘winning is the only thing’ because we live in a society of the human species where ‘not winning’ is equated with losing, loser, worthless and countless metaphors for being de-valued and de-valuable.

    Each of us needs, and craves, connection. Even when it isn’t healthy connection, we crave it anyway.

    The most important connection we need, is with ourselves. You struggle with that. I know that struggle. We each write about it, albeit from very different perspectives, often.

    Keep struggling, not to be perfect (because you are already a personal masterpiece) but to know yourself as no other person can.

    Up with understanding – and the fight for it.

    If not, why else would we be alive?



  2. I think what you have said is so true in that “I am 100% responsible for my 50% of all my relationships.”
    Where it goes wrong is when you either don’t put in your share or when you try and put in the other person’s half as well as your own.


  3. When I read the line, “Does that make me a loser?” my reaction was, “Oh, I hope so!” Don’t you find it amazing that Jesus told us we have to pick up our cross — the very thing that will lead us to our death — and follow Him, and then promises us that this is how we will find the very thing we were afraid to lose. (Matthew 10:38,39). I’ve been doing a lot of reflecting on this lately. Thank you so much for your post. Someone else might have given up after the dream faded, but you used the “loss” to spur you on to creating and sharing this message.


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