I don’t like the word. I want to push it away, avoid it, find another one.
But it persists. It clings. It keeps whispering to me to claim it, accept it, know it.
I may have to live with it for a year to find my way through it.
It’s what it wants, this word that causes such disquiet within me. It wants me to know it, breathe into it, live it and find my truth within it.
It happens every December.
I begin to meditate on that space where a word for the upcoming year arises within me. This year it has been Rejoice. The year before Renew. And before that, Humility.
Every year for the past three years I have held a word in my heart and mediated, written, discerned and breathed into its essence for an entire year. I don’t choose the word so much as it chooses me. It arises in the quiet and speaks softly to my heart as it says with measured certitude, “Embrace me. I am yours.”
In the past, the word has settled in and I embraced it and began my year in conscious contemplation of what it means for me to live the essence of its being present in my life.
This word. Ah now this word causes me to pause, to resist, to wonder if maybe I should use the entire 31 days of December to allow space for another word to enter. Maybe if I just keep seeking, something different will appear.
And I sigh. A sigh of amusement and bemusement.
The co-creative powers of the universe are not to be messed with. We’re in this life together. I don’t get to pick and choose what the universe serves up. I do get to choose how I accept, move through, embrace, celebrate, wonder about and create from what it delivers.
And this word definitely gives me pause to wonder.
‘Atonement’ is not a word that settles easily on my heart. It has such Biblical tomes to it. Some real heavy-duty righteousness. I’m not even sure I really know what it means so of course, I toddle on over to my online dictionary and there it is. My trepidations over its meaning expressed in the definition I find for ‘atonement’. http://www.thefreedictionary.com/atonement
2. (Christian Religious Writings / Theology) (often capital) Christian theol
It is steeped in Christianity. It is fraught with sacrifice and suffering.
Is the universe playing a trick on me?And then I spy the phrase at the end of the defintion. It’s just one little sentence, but man, does it make me sit up and take note. Maybe this is why the word appeared for me. Maybe the universe is on my side, creating with me a life of beauty and love.
The phrase, in love square brackets reads — [from Middle English phrase at onement in harmony]
At onement. In Harmony.
I like that. I can live with its meaning.
Where am I not at onement within my world, within my heart, within my life? Where does harmony escape me, evade me? Where do I deny it?
Okay. This is sounding better and better.
First, I need to complete my year of rejoicing. First I must ensure the essence of its beauty and power have settled into my heart, expanding out in ever widening ripples of joy and contentment.
First, I must finish what I started before moving into the new year.
Like the blizzard that the forecasters have been predicting would appear all weekend and is just starting to make its presence known now, the task is not to leap into my new word based on its promised appearance. The task is to use this month to prepare myself to let go of what was so that I am ready, willing and open to accepting what is to be when the day arrives that I step into a new year free of encumbrances that would hold me back from accepting the truth.
The weather outside is turning frightful. No matter how hard I wished it wouldn’t arrive, the blizzard is blowing in. Time to bundle up and face the storm.
A word has arisen in my heart, calling me to embrace it. No matter how hard I wish it would go away and become something else, it’s time to open up and prepare myself for its advent.
I do kinda think I might work with at onement though… You know, go back in time. Get all historical and melancholy with the past, find my truth in the old and all that jazz …
Just sayin’. Maybe I wasn’t hearing properly when it first arrived in my heart…<