I noticed an interesting phenomena this morning. I have resisted writing today. Resisted putting my fingers on the keyboard to let my thoughts flow.
My observation came as I started to log in and realized, I don’t know where to begin. I am so full of gratitude, love, and a sense of being blessed and filled with grace that I don’t know that I can find the words to express it.
It’s been such a busy and wonderful weekend, there are so many feelings, so many thoughts swimming around within me that I haven’t yet had a chance to discern and distill.
Which is when I realized, the best place to do that is here. On the page. Letting it flow.
I am filled with Gratitude
I am grateful for the love in my life. My daughters, C.C. my family and friends, for all of you. For the well-wishes that keep pouring in. For the people who turned up last night to share in the magic and wonder of the concert. For my friend Max who braved the snow and cold to join us and who insisted he needed to walk back to the emergency shelter where he stays because he needed time to distill all his feelings about the evening before immersing himself back in the shelter-life. Max is one of the artists who continues to inspire me with his commitment to exploring his soul through sharing his music and paintings. It is Max who said to me once, “I am a father, a son, a brother, and uncle and a friend. I am a carpenter, a painter, a writer, a musician. I laugh. I cry. I feel. I bleed. Which of these is diminished because I am homeless?” Because of Max and the other amazing artists I’ve met at the shelter, and the people and the stories and the experiences, my life is not diminished. It has been expanded and enlightened and set free.
In the birthday book my daughters created for me (which is overwhelmingly beautiful and moving and touching and inspiring) Max wrote a note to me that, when I read it, I felt my heart melt with gratitude and a sense of awe. If ever I needed confirmation that I am in the world who I want to be, Max’s words hit their mark. I am grateful.
My birthday book is a beautiful leather bound collection of photos and letters my two daughters collected over the past few weeks to present to me on my birthday. It is stunningly beautiful, heart-stirringly striking and soul-inspiring.
The girls sent out a request to friends and family to write a note of how I have touched their lives. I don’t know how many letters are in the book but I can tell you, every one of them touches my heart. I am grateful.
From C.C. to my sisters, mother, daughters, friends, including my high school best friend, the letters are a gift that keep striking a chord within my soul, awakening my spirit’s desire to fly high and shine bright. I am blessed.
And the celebration doesn’t stop there. C.C. got down on bended knee and asked me to marry him at my birthday party (ours actually because his birthday was yesterday and Saturday night’s celebration was for both of us). The first time he did it, I was a little stunned and shocked and didn’t really say yes. Though I did put the ring on. Taking a page from my eldest daughter’s blog, I was kinda at the stage of… “I’ll take the puppy and think about it.” Except he didn’t have a puppy so… I took the ring!
However, when some young friends arrived and desperately wanted to ‘see the proposal’, Charles got back on bended knee and this time, I knew what to expect and could honestly be excited and… say yes!
There’s a whole lot of learning and feelings about a ring on my finger — all of them good and beautiful and heart-expanding. I’ll write more later.
And then… last night was the concert and it too was beautiful and heart-expanding.
And for now, my heart is full and all I can only say to express my gratitude is, Thank you.
Thank you for the love, the gifts, the words, the thoughts, the feelings, the presence of each of you. Thank you for this day. This life. This opportunity to feel loved and cherished and completely alive.
I am blessed.