Dare boldly

A blog by Louise Gallagher

Eating Disorder Week — we can all play a role in lighting up the darkness

15 Comments

Even before she named it out loud, I suspected its presence.

Even before she said the words, I heard them spoken in everything she did.

She was disappearing before my eyes. Vanishing. Carving out the soft curves of her body. The edges of her bones becoming visible beneath her skin.

I felt powerless. Helpless. Confused.

To confront or not to confront? To ask or to let go? Be patient or inquisitive?

We talked around it. I shared articles I thought would interest her about self-esteem. Self-worth. I talked about my own healing journey from abuse. Wrote  my blog and purposefully wrote about body image, self-concept. I know she read what I wrote. I know she heard the words. Saw the love shimmering.

But what I couldn’t know was how no matter what I said, what I did, how much I loved her, how much I cherished every cell of her being, she could not hear nor feel nor acknowledge nor see the beauty I saw. She could not hear the words, take in the truth, feel the Love. All she could feel was the pain of being lost in the maws of a monster  insisting she was unworthy. A monster who consumed every thought she had, every morsel of food she took into her body, everything she did.

ED held the reins of her existence. ED decided her destiny and she was lost in his vicious insistence that the only way to become worth, to be free,  to live was to be less, get smaller, become invisible.

It is Eating Disorder Awareness Week in Canada.

Alexis, my eldest daughter is one of EDs victims.

She works everyday to be a survivor. And one day, she will be its victor.

For now, it is a daily journey of one breath at a time. One conscious choice of LIFE over ED. Of choosing worthiness over worthlessness. Of picking up a fork and eating that last piece of pie, of taking that forbidden bite of fruit without throwing her hard won progress away in the name of EDs insistence he is the master of her body. The keeper of her life. The holder of her destiny.

As a mother of a daughter with an eating disorder I too must stay conscious. I too must choose LIFE over ED. I too must choose to be Loving. Informed. and Fiercely Embracing of my daughter exactly as she is.

I cannot shy away from this monster who would consume her. I cannot turn my back on EDs power to speak lies.

I must stay committed to the truth.

She is not ED. And ED is not her.

ED is a mental health disorder that has taken up residence in her mind and body.

ED can be conquered. ED can be outed.

As long as we speak up. As long as we stay conscious. As long as we stand in the light.

ED has no power in the light. Though ED would like me to keep dragging the past forward, scouring my memory banks searching for that one clue, that one moment in time that would say, ‘here’s where it started’ so that I can retrace our steps and unravel the source of EDs presence.

That’s when ED wins. When I step out of the light of this moment to live in the darkness of my fear.

I will not do it. I will not let ED have his way to believing he owns my daughter.

I choose LIFE over ED. My daughter deserves it. I will not waver in my resolve to love her, exactly the way she is. To speak truth. To speak up. To speak out.

ED cannot survive when we let go of silence. ED does not like anyone to have a voice.

I cannot oust ED from my daughter’s mind and body.

I can speak up and in my voice, and all the voices of its victims, survivors and victors, joining together we can shine a light on the darkness so that everyone can one day see their way to freedom.

It is Eating Disorder Awareness week in Canada. Let’s all play a role in lighting up the darkness. Let’s choose LIFE over ED and any other disorder that would have anyone believe they are not worthy. 

We are all worthy. Of life. Of love. Of joy. Of freedom. We are all worthy.

Alexis’ blog today, In the Broken, is a song of courage, gratitude, bravery and love — It can be read HERE.

 

 

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Author: Louise Gallagher

I believe we each have the capacity to be the change we want to see in the world, to make a world of difference. I believe we are creative beings on the journey of our lifetimes. It's up to each of us to Live It Up and SHINE!

15 thoughts on “Eating Disorder Week — we can all play a role in lighting up the darkness

  1. You are so blessed to have eachother. I know LIFE will reign over ED. Bless you both ~ and all who suffer the affects of ED.xo

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  2. Thank you once again for bringing attention to an issue that needs more attention. My nieces and several of my daughter’s friends have had eating disorders– very serious mental illness.

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  3. Thank you Lisa for speaking up!

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  4. Thank you for sharing this and shedding light on this issue…

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  5. Louise!
    Keep loving her. She will recover! Naming it is awesome, and she is light!

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  6. thanks Louise for sharing about this illness and for being so forthright and honest in spreading awareness and hope. I love you!
    dianne

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  7. Sending you both all of my love. You are both amazing inspirations of strength and courage. xx

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  8. A great post, my daughter has an eating disorder I say has because I feel it is like a drug problem you can deal with it and not suffer from it every day but it is always there in the background waiting for a chance to surface again

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  9. As I believe you know, my Lina is recovering from an ED that took completel control of her life for about 10 years. The past 2 years were to worst, landing her in the hospital for 5.5 months out of 12. But, somehow, she did finally choose LIFE over that horrible monster. But, not with out first, months of regular nutrition, which she received in the hospital and much therapy after to begin to accept and love herself as she is. The ED is still there. I suspect it will be in some way forever. But, she has now embraced and chosen LIFE, and she does so every single day. And I am so very grateful.

    I wish you peace as you battle the battle of watching the one you love struggle, fight, and choose. It is hard to have no control, to not be able to “love” it away. But, the choice is theirs.

    I wish you beautiful daughter strength and courage to learn to love herself more day by day, and to kick that monster to the curb.

    My love is with you both. xx

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