Dare boldly

A blog by Louise Gallagher

When memory flows freely.

9 Comments

I am having dinner with my youngest daughter. It is a regular bi-weekly event for us though it’s been a few weeks since we’ve had our mother/daughter get-together. January was busy and before that Christmas. We were due this time together!

We talk about current events in our lives, work, her plans for the future, a recent trip and then our conversation turns to days long ago. The pain we both felt and the power of time to ease the strain of what was as we learn to accept the power of love to heal all things in the here and now. She tells me she has found there is value in all things, it’s just sometimes it’s hard to see it until you’re far enough away from the source of the pain.

“What is the value you’ve found in being diagnosed with epilepsy?” I ask.

It was four years ago when she got the diagnosis. It was a surprise. A shock. There had been no symptoms, nothing to suggest its presence. Over the years I’ve watched her navigate the uncomfortable waters of change, watched her learn to accept and live with the consequences of the changes its demanded in her life. It wasn’t always easy but she has always surfaced above it with grace. She’s even made jokes about it and let her friends tease her about it. It is her nature.  “There’s not much else I can do,” she says. “I can’t change it.”

And that is the value its taught her, she tells me.  To let go of trying to control everything.

It is a powerful lesson.

Motivational speaker Brian Tracy said, “You cannot control what happens to you, but you can control your attitude toward what happens to you, and in that, you will be mastering change rather than allowing it to master you.”

I have in my life been known to try to control everything. I believed if I could control the world around me, my world would be under control.

Time. Experience. Life has taught me otherwise.

I cannot control the world around me. I can only control how I respond to it.

Being in control is my ego’s fear based response. My ego likes to look like it has all the answers. Like it knows what’s goin’ on, what’s goin’ down, what’s goin’ round.

My ego is not my friend. In its fear based responses, it leaves me exposed and vulnerable to outside circumstances slipping in and messing with my hearts desire to know and experience life in all its richness right where I’m at, as I’m at, with all that I’ve got in that moment.

My ego would like me to believe I am powerful enough to create, change and cure everything that happens in my life.

It just isn’t true.

What I am powerful enough to do is create and change how I act, what I do and say. I can’t control my immediate emotional response to circumstances as they arise. I can’t control my thoughts swooping in. I can control how I let my emotions dictate my responses. I can control how I let my thoughts sweep me away or strengthen me to respond with grace. I can control what I do with my emotions. Where I go with my thinking.

I saw this in action the other night as I drove past a motel where long ago, the man who loved me in ways that were killing me and I once stayed. It was the beginning of February, the month we would leave Calgary without a word and I would wait everyday for the next four months to die. The night was bitter cold. Ice particles hung in the air, my tires crunched along the snowy road as I drove. I have, over the past several years driven past that motel many times, and never had a reaction. And then, on this night, unbidden, tears began to flow. Not a lot, but they were there.

My immediate reaction was to condemn myself for being stupid. Ridiculous. Silly.

It’s been 11 years. Get over it already! my mind ordered.

My heart knew better.

It’s okay, it whispered. You’re safe. Let the tears flow. This is just a memory looking for release. No need to control memory. Memories are of the past. And the past isn’t real. It can’t hurt you. Let it flow free.

And in its flowing free I felt the release, and relief, of knowing that was then, this is now.

And in the here in now, I am wildly in love with my life today.

In the here and now, I am living my life for all I’m worth. Celebrating the moment with all my senses awakened to the beauty and wonder and awe of living each day in the truth of who I am when I live on purpose in the rapture of now.   I am an alive and radiant woman, touching hearts and opening minds to set spirits free.

Nameste.

 

 

 

 

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Author: Louise Gallagher

I believe we each have the capacity to be the change we want to see in the world, to make a world of difference. I believe we are creative beings on the journey of our lifetimes. It's up to each of us to Live It Up and SHINE!

9 thoughts on “When memory flows freely.

  1. LG,

    Yeah … let it go.

    Easily said – yet that section of your life is part of you, informs you, informs your work, informs your writing …

    But maybe it is time to let those experiences step back a bit – let the fully creative you, take the whole stage based on what you want to see in your life and in the world as a strong focus rather than what was bad about a past chapter in your life ??????

    As for the Tracy quote, he should be sanctioned for quasi-plagiarism…

    The real meat is in Viktor Frankl’s words – written before Mr. Tracy was in diapers: “I get to choose how I react to what is happening to me”

    And – to remind you of what is apparent to your readers – each day, your words are ‘what happens’ to a lot of people. Not to imply they don’t have full lives, but their lives are impacted by your message every day. Yes, Louise, you are a writer!

    Yes, Louise, you do write for and to an audience who have anticipation every morning as they open an email to see what you have to reveal. Your messages DO have impact. And you do have fans.

    Along with reminders of the old, keep giving us the new – keep revealing what is happening to you, and how you are reacting to it.

    We like that. A lot.

    Cheers,

    Mark

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    • Mark,
      When asked why she would want to tell tell her story (for the movie ‘The Impossible’) Maria Belon Tsunami 2004 survivor said, “This is about life. It is one wave after another wave and you are struggling to go on……If you survive, you can tell the story, you can go on. If you don’t survive…….. that’s it.”
      Louise continues to tell her story because she survived; and in the telling of her story many of us are similarly saved.

      Like

    • Thanks Mark — I’m not sure what you mean by “Along with reminders of the old, keep giving us the new – keep revealing what is happening to you, and how you are reacting to it.

      I think what I did was reveal what was happening for me — and how I was reacting to it — and the fact my reactions were based on a past event — and the growth I’ve experienced since that time. For me that is the true power of the past. To be strengthened, encouraged, inspired and empowered by it to rise beyond limits never before imagined. And in the process, inspire others to do the same.

      Tee hee — and yup. I am a writer, though I did say to my daughter at dinner that I figured it was time to re-invent myself as an artist! 🙂 Hugs

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  2. Louise I so admire the eloquence and poignancy of your writing, mad even more amazing by the fact that you post every day. I’m in awe!

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    • Thank you Ian! LOL — there are mornings I’m amazed I have something to write about — but, when I trust in the process, the words always appear. Amazing to me — so many lovely words to create images of joy and strength and inspiration from! 🙂

      Like

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