On Saturday as part of my role as a facilitator in the G2 portion of Choices, I was asked to take on a new role in training the coaches on the Purpose Process. It was my first time giving this section of the training and I was nervous.
My l’il ole critter was having a field day. “What if you blow it?” “What if you mess up?” “What if you…. blah. blah. blah.”
Now, five years ago, maybe even not that long ago, I would have given into the critter’s voice and made myself sick with worry about this new responsibility and how well I would or would not do.
I would have made it all about me.
Time can be a powerful ally. Over time, I have learned to disconnect from the critter’s nattering. It is not all about me. In that knowing, I have embraced the idea of beginners mind as the pathway to doing my best. In beginner’s mind, I do not have to have all the answers. I simply need to be open to the experience so that my best in that moment can shine.
I’d had ample time to prepare and practice that portion of the training, I was ready. I’d also had lots of opportunity to let go of fear, self-judgement, self-criticism and anything else that would stand in my way of giving my best because I know, in beginner’s mind I never have to be perfect. I simply need to be completely present.
My ego (aka Nasty Critter) would like me to believe there is no room for mistakes. There is no forgiveness. There is no grace.
My ego would like me to feel the angst of having to be perfect as the only path to accomplishing my goals.
My ego, and my heart, want the same things — they do not want me to fail.
The difference is, my ego believes I will, my heart knows I can’t.
My heart knows that doing my best is all that I can do. In that place where my heart is at ease, I am embraced with knowing that my best is good enough — and if I’m not accepting that truth, I’m making it ‘all about me.’
Letting my ego step in and take over would have set me up for failure.
Stepping back from ego to focus on my mission of inspiring each coach to know that their best was good enough and that they each had the capacity to step out of ‘it’s all about me‘ thinking. My purpose wasn’t to ‘look good’ in front of them. My vision was to awaken within each of them the knowledge that they had the power, the information and the tools to create a safe and courageous space for their trainees to find the words to their purpose.
I gave my best to inspire their best. In that space of grace, where my best is good enough, ego chatter fades into the joy of being present, without worrying about ‘how am I doing?’, ‘what are they thinking about how I am doing?’ ‘do they like me and how I’m doing or are they sitting there judging me and finding fault with everything I’m saying and doing?’
Instead of focussing on me, I got to focus on the information I was imparting and how best to get it across.
Instead of making it all about me, I got to move into that space where I could listen and watch for signs from the coaches that signalled they got it, or something needed more clarification.
Instead of fearing the outcome, I took my gaze off of continually questioning ‘how am I doing?’ and focused instead on creating a safe and courageous space for learning to happen so that fear could fade away for all of us.
And, added bonus, I had my co-facilitator who has given the training many times, right beside me to catch me if I fell.
It was a great lesson in letting go of fear and my need to ‘be perfect’ to fall into that space where living my purpose was I all I needed to create better in my world.
I am an alive and radiant woman, touching hearts and opening minds to set spirits free.