For the past several years I have meditated on a word that acts as my ‘way-finding’ for the year.
Last year, the word that found me and rested with me throughout the year was, At Onement (atonement). The year before, Rejoice and before that Redemption.
This year, the word that found its way into my being present is, Flow.
I use the phrase, “found me” on purpose. I do not choose the word. The word chooses me. Left to my own devices, I’d probably choose something easier like ‘food’ or ‘fun’.
Allowing space for a word to find me is challenging. My mind wants to take control, to self-direct the process.
My heart knows better.
According to Wikipedia, the “positive psychology” definition of flow is, “Flow, also known as Zone, is the mental state of operation in which a person performing an activity is fully immersed in a feeling of energized focus, full involvement, and enjoyment in the process of the activity.”
For me, Flow represents even more than just being in the moment, fully engaged. It means giving up my resistance, releasing my grasping for control and surrendering myself to what is, without fearing what might be if I am not dictating the way it must become.
I can be a despot sometimes. Yup. Just ask C.C. or my daughters. Sometimes, I like it all my way.
Funny thing about having it all my way… When it’s all my way there’s no room for anyone else’s way, or even for the Universe to turn up and have its way.
Being in ‘flow’ means, accepting I can let go of control and live in the in possibility of miracles shining all around. For my eyes and heart to be open to seeing miracles all around, I have to be willing to let go of holding the reins so tightly there’s no room for the light to get in.
Even in two short days of living with this word, I can feel the dissonance that happens when my mind chatter wants to overwhelm my heartbeat because it fears the quiet steady drumming of possibility at my door.
No way, it says, snapping at the synapses in my brain. You will not give up control. No. No. Never!
Be strong of heart, my wisdom voice whispers. Control is an illusion. You are not giving up anything.
I hadn’t thought of that.
Could it be that my fear of letting go of control is really all about letting go of something that isn’t real?
In focussing on letting go of control do I simply have to let go of holding onto the impossible?
Can it be so simple?
I’ve got another 363 days to find out.
Every year I create a painting to provide me a visual stimulus for my new word for the year. I created the painting above using a new technique I was trying out for the first time yesterday. It was fun and fascinating and fabulously rewarding to allow the paint to flow!
I am also linking this post to Michelle W.’s Friday prompt at The Daily Post — the invitation was to share a photo of something that speaks to NEW for you. This photo and painting are new for me this year!