Recently, I saw a couple making out in a bus stop as I drove by. I mean, really making out.

Later, I read a news article about a movement in Vancouver to provide homeless couples freedom to have sexual interactions in parks. The theory being, they have no where else, why not in a park?

Which got me thinking about freedom.

Freedom doesn’t mean living a life free of moral responsibility, lawful living and justice. It means, the freedom to own my own destiny — within moral reason and lawfulness. To act in accordance with my values, beliefs, principles — within the context of the society in which I live, its laws and social mores guided by my moral compass which hopefully, always points me towards doing the right thing.

On the surface, I might think that’s not freedom. It’s got too many constraints and boundaries limiting what I can do. With all those limitations how will I be happy?

Happiness guru Dr. Dan Gilbert proved in an experiment on synthetic happiness that putting boundaries on choices makes people happier. He says, we should have preferences, we all need boundaries. When our ambition is bounded, we work joyfully. When it is unbounded, we lie and cheat and manipulate to get what we want. When our fear is bounded, we are prudent, cautious, thoughtful. When fear is unbounded, we are reckless and cowardly.

In freedom, I know contentment when I know that what I am doing fits within the moral construct of my world, and does not leave me exposed to risk of arrest, condemnation, and the fear of self-loathing.

Just because I want to do something in the name of freedom doesn’t mean it will make me happy. If it pulls me away from the True North of my moral compass, I risk being unhappy with my choice and the consequences as well as myself.

Thoughts to ponder.

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To learn more about Dan Gilbert and his research on choice and happiness, watch the video below. I found it fascinating!

There’s a wonderful story, by David MacNally which he put to video with Mac Anderson, about an eagle who, in the process of helping her babies fly, must push them from the nest — because if she didn’t, they would stay forever stuck in the belief they don’t know how to fly.  At one point, the mother Eagle asks herself, “Why does the thrill of soaring have to begin with the fear of falling?”

Most things I’ve tried in my life, I have felt fear.

Sometimes I’ve ignored the fear. Sometimes I’ve given into it.

Whenever I’ve given into my fear, I’ve carried with me a regret — because fear is not a good motivator of growth. Fear keeps me stuck.

When I took on my current role as Interim Executive Director at the Family Emergency Shelter and Housing agency where I work, fear kept whispering in my ear, “You know you’ll fail… you know they’re going to find out you don’t know what you’re doing.”

I had to choose to breathe into my fear to get to the place where my courage was calling me to leap; even if I didn’t know if I could fly.

Fact is: Failing is always an option. So is flying.

I have been blessed. In my four months in this role, I have surprised myself with my capacity to lead. And I have been surprised by my willingness to accept support and encouragement from others.

Because that’s the thing about my fear… to hide it, I have been known to pretend I know what I’m doing, even when I don’t. And, when I’m pretending I know what I’m doing, I put up walls that are meant to protect me, but mostly just keep me isolated and repeating the same mistakes again and again.

One of the lessons I’ve learned to appreciate and embrace as I’ve stretched myself into this role is that, it’s not about avoiding mistakes. Mistakes are part of learning new things, stepping into a different role, challenging myself to grow. What doesn’t have to be part of it is, giving up or not attempting it in the first place. What I’ve learned is that as long as I trust myself enough to acknowledge my mistakes and have the courage to not put up walls by defending against them, I am open to receive their lessons. And in that place, grace has appeared again and again in the form of the people around me who are willing to encourage and support me to get back up.

I have had a lot of people encouraging and supporting me throughout this journey. They are the best kind of people to have around. I am so grateful.

Over the next few weeks, I will be stepping out of this role as a new ED will be appointed. I don’t know who it will be. I do know that whatever the outcome, I have been blessed with this incredible opportunity to work alongside some of the most compassionate, intelligent and passionate people I have ever met.

My life is richer for this experience, not because of the things I’ve done or learned or achieved, but rather, because the people I’ve walked alongside have made my journey so much richer with their presence and their willingness to give me a push when I needed it, a hand up when I fell, a shoulder to lean on when I grew weary and a light when I struggled to find my way.

I am truly blessed. I began this journey with fear and have found myself courageously soaring with heroes all around me.

Mixed media on card stock 6″ x 6″ Louise Gallagher

Rumi’s poetry always captures my heart, opening me up to the simple and provocative truths of our human condition.

This morning, I visited a poem I have not read in a long while, The Water You Want.

The Water You Want  Jalaluddin Rumi

Someone may be clairvoyant, able to see
the future, and yet have very little wisdom.
Like the man who sees water in his dream
and began leading everyone toward his mirage.
I am the one with heart vision.
I have torn open the veil.
So they set out with him inside the dream,
while he is actually sleeping
beside a river of pure water.
Any search moves away from the spot
where the object of the quest is.
Sleep deeply wherever you are on the way.
Maybe some traveler will wake you.
Give up subtle thinking, the twofold, threefold
multiplication of mistakes.
Listen to the sound of waves within you.
You are dreaming your thirst,
when the water you want
is inside the big vein on your neck.

Slipping into meditation I carried the phrase, ‘heart vision’ with me. The following poem moved through me, writing itself into creation.

Heart Vision ©2019 Louise Gallagher

In my heart vision I tear away the veil
that blinds me to nothing
but my fear of falling
into the dark stagnant abyss
where love will never find me

Silently
I rise above
the fog of my delusion.

Truth shimmers dancing in the light
of fear held silent
in arms of molten lead
pinioning me to the pain of believing
that I must seek love to find it

Searching for the way I find myself
listening to the sound of my ears opening
to the truth where hope rises
into the mists of my fear falling
into nothing but Love.

Joyfully I embrace
the vision of my heart.

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And as a special treat, here is Coleman Banks’ reading of The Water You Want.

I choose to believe that life is a miracle. That I always have a choice as to what I do with me, my life and everything in it. I have the power to choose how I respond. How I react to circumstances, to other people, to trials and tribulations — I have the power of choice.

When I choose to look at my life as a miracle, I see miracles reflected all around me.

Now, it’s easy to fall into the habit of not seeing ‘the miracle’. It’s easy to see the fault lines, the pressure points, the sore spots that irritate me and cause me stress.

Whatever I’m seeing or experiencing, I always have the choice in where I put my attention. It’s my choice to not focus on the negatives and find the values in all all things.

So, for today, I shall walk through each moment celebrating the miracle of life in everyone I see and meet and interact with, including me. For today, I shall walk through each moment knowing what I do with my life is always my choice. I can celebrate, or complain. Congratulate or condemn.

The choice is mine.

It’s up to me to choose wisely because in my choices, I can destroy joy or create the joy, happiness, contentment, peace I want to have in my world.

The question is: Can you see the miracle of you reflected back in the eyes of everyone you meet? Do you choose to be like Chicken Little, constantly fearing the sky is falling or do you choose to see rainbows dancing in the wake of your passing through each moment causing waves of happiness and joy?