I am a “Yes’er”. When asked, “Will you?” “Can you?” I have in the past, inevitably replied, “Yes” — before considering all my options, before weighing the impact of what I am agreeing to will have on my life.
Some of my ‘yesy’ behaviour comes from a belief I do not have the right to say ‘no’. It also comes from a belief that if I do say no, people will be mad at me, they won’t like me. And, it comes from a place of wanting to be needed and to feel important.
Being a ‘Yes’er’ has also lead to some wonderful things. It’s lead me to do things I never before imagined I could, take risks I never thought I could, go places I never dared to venture before. But far too often, my automatic yes has come without thought, without measuring the distance between what someone else wanted and what I needed to feel balanced, whole and at peace within me and in my world.
I am learning.
I am learning to find my authentic yes. That yes that comes from knowing what I want more of in my life is only found from a place where I give myself the gift of freedom to ask for what I want, state my truth and do what fits best in my life, without compromising myself to fit into someone else’s.
I have discovered my authentic yes is a constant journey through my ‘no’. My authentic yes is not the opposite of No. It is not the immediate response of, “No. I won’t do that.” Or, “No, you can’t”. It comes through knowing what I want more of in my life. It comes from understanding I need to give myself time and space to breathe into the question, or, as Rilke wrote:
“Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books that are now written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer.” Rainer Maria Wilke
There have been many times in my life I have said no to the things I wanted to do and yes to the things I knew were not healthy, healing, supportive or loving of me. In those times, I was not saying YES! to life, I was saying NO to living in the light. No to shining. No to being my authentic self.
In those moments when I said yes to the things I really didn’t want to do simply because I was afraid or feared the opinions of others, I was saying yes to what I didn’t want in my life. I was acting from the dark-side of authenticity, the shadow side of living.
I’m giving up the game. Giving up saying yes to what keeps me playing small, holds me back from breathing freely. And, I am saying no to the things I know hurt me, pull me down and drag me back.
I am leaping into the power of YES!
YES! This is my one and only life and I choose to live it in the light.
YES! This is my time to shine. To dance. To laugh and spin about and be real and authentic and true to who I am.
YES! There is no one path to finding myself because no matter what path I take I am always on the path with me. This is the path where I find myself fearlessly saying YES in the joy of knowing, when I treat myself with tender loving care, when I celebrate my strengths and share my gifts, I am creating ripples of my best for all the world to see. In my YES! I know I am exactly where I want to be living this one wild and precious life for all I’m worth.