This time, the thought does not float into my mind as I am sitting in the quiet of meditation. “I am engaged in a battle of wills. My ego will versus my body will.”
That’s the thought that arrives, unbidden, to taunt me with its truth as I am walking along the street with Beaumont, smiling at his antics as he sniffs every blade of grass and chases errant leaves tossed on the wind.
And it’s true.
My ego will would have me slip into sluggishness, defying gravity and time’s pull upon my body, telling me I’m getting enough exercise. I don’t need to lift weights or do anything special to keep my body carrying me around with minimal aches and pains.
My body will would have me rise up and get moving, in every direction, in every way, to keep it sliding effortlessly through gravity and time, defying my ego’s sibilant whispers to slip into something more comfortable and relax, ease out, ease up.
As the story goes of the native elder telling his grandson about the two wolves, black and white/good and evil, the winner will be the one I choose to feed.
In a battle of wills I must feed the one that serves me best.
My ego would have me believe that ‘becoming fit’ is too far away, too lofty a goal. Take it easy. Relax.
My body knows, there’s no arriving at a place where I become ‘fit’, or whole or everything I want to be. There is only this constant becoming.
In all things.
In all ways. I am constantly becoming in whatever direction I am going.
Whether I do more, or do less, I am constantly becoming, it’s just sometimes, I am not always going in the direction I need to go to find myself at ease.
When I find myself someplace I don’t want to be, thinking about it won’t change where I’m at, just as thinking about anything does not make it so. Taking action does.
I have spent many years thinking about who and how I want to be in the world. Thinking about it does not make it so. It is the constant becoming, the continuous doing of who and how I want to be that creates the me I am in the world.
There is no place where I can arrive to where I am ‘fit’. There is only this constant becoming. This continuous opening up to the more, the wonder, the awe of being alive and living each day fully where I choose to take action to create the more of my becoming all I am in the world.
No matter what my ego might tell me, my thoughts become my reality. My actions make it so. When my thoughts lead me down the garden path to becoming stuck in the mud of inaction, I must give my body full license to lead me back to becoming all I am when I let go of believing everything I think is all I am.
I am constantly becoming.
I get to choose if my becoming is more or less of what I want to create in the world.