In ego’s dance I am continuously reminded to let go of the past. Ego learned its steps when I was but a child, dependent upon the adults in my world to keep me safe and out of harm’s way.
Those early steps worked well for me then, they do not always work well for me now.
Which means, the me I am consciously being now, must lovingly teach ego new ways of being present in the world, calling upon its innate desire to lead me constantly towards happiness and safety, in new and novel ways the ‘me’ I have grown into knows are possible.
It is a constant dance of drawing out of fear into courage to be, to act, to live passionate and free in the now.
One way to draw ego out of the past is to ask yourself, “What do I fear?”
Beyond spiders and tigers running wild, or earthquakes and meteors falling from the sky, “What do I fear?”
This is a question that needs time, and reflection and meditation to truly find the essence of its truth. It needs your full attention in the quiet of your own space.
Sit quietly and ask yourself:
What do I fear?
There are countless answers you can feel rising to the surface when you sit quietly and meditate on the question.
Let them rise. Let them become present without judging them. Let them be what they are.
Write down your responses.
I fear…. being alone.
I fear… my heart getting broken.
I fear… losing someone I love.
Now, ask yourself:
What do I do to protect myself from feeling my fear?
Write down your responses:
Because I fear…. being alone…. I connect too fast to people.
Because I fear…. being alone… I trust the untrustworthy.
Because I fear… being alone… I don’t listen to my intuition…
Keep going, responding to each of the things in your list, until you feel you have no more observations on what you do to protect yourself from feeling your fear.
Now, ask yourself:
What does my fear cost me?
Again, sit quietly, listen deeply to your heart, to your subconscious rising into awareness.
My fear of…. being alone costs me…. healthy relationships
.My fear of…. being alone costs me… trusting myself
.My fear of…. being alone costs me… because I constantly second guess myself.
Once you’ve identified all the costs for each of your fears, ask yourself:
What is the truth about my fear?
The truth about my fear of…. being alone… is that I am ….. and then write what comes into your mind right off. Keep writing until you have a clear vision of the truth about your fear.
The truth about my fear of…. being alone… is that I …. don’t know how to be with people in healthy ways because I’ve always let my fear of being alone push me into relationships fast and furious.
The truth about my fear of…. being alone… is that I …. have the power to choose wisely for myself. Sure, I may make mistakes but rather than second guessing myself, I can trust myself enough to know, if I make a mistake, I have the courage and wisdom to change my mind, walk away, slow down…
When you’ve completed your list of ‘truths’, write one thing you can do today to live the truth you’ve just written down.
One thing I can do today to live the truth about being alone is…. tell Jack I don’t want to go on a date tonight. I had already told my friend, Sally, that I’d get together with her, and cancelling to go on a date with Jack is not about my courage, it’s about my fear.
And now, ask yourself:
What can I tell myself everyday, and many times throughout the day, that will lead me from the shadows of my fear into the light of my courage?
Write it down.
I am deserving of healthy relationships.
I take good care of my heart by trusting its wisdom.
I value myself enough to treat myself with loving kindness.
There are many ways to lovingly embrace your ego’s propensity to have you live life through the lens of your child. Children are not equipped to name, nor face, their fears. As adults, we are.