Have you ever noticed how in times of stress, unease, uncertainty, the things that bring you calm, centeredness, peace are often the first things you let go of?
At least, that’s true for me.
My beloved and I have been living in temporary housing since early December. In November, we bought a new home, decided to renovate and put our old home on the market. It sold quickly leaving us ‘homeless’ as of December 15th,
From the time of signing the sales agreement to closing on our old home, I had 11 days to organize a mover, find new accommodation that would allow our furry family members to live with us, and pack up what we believed we’d need for about six weeks displacement while all our furniture, dishes and belongings went into storage.
Six weeks later than anticipated, on March 12, we will move into our newly renovated home.
This past three months have been interesting.
Feeling displaced is unsettling. While the condo we have rented during this time is lovely, it’s not home. I am missing my ‘things’, missing the ease of being ‘at home’.
You would think that during such an unsettling time I would sink deeper into my practices that bring me balance, ease, contentment.
I have completely let go of my meditation practice, my morning rituals, my evensong ceremonies.
Which is what makes me smile, shake my head in bemusement, fling my hands above my head and exclaim, “Aren’t I fascinating!”
There’s not much else I can do because no matter the circumstances, there’s one thing I won’t let go of, my belief in not beating myself up for slipping. To do that would just pile on more unease to an already unsettled mind.
This morning, I chose to step back from resistance of doing the things I know that are healing and live-giving for me so that I could slip into the life-giving waters of the things that support me.
This morning, I chose to Begin Again.
I chose to reconnect to the things and practices that create peace of mind, no matter the times.
I chose to walk in the quiet of breaking dawn, letting Beaumont the Sheepadoodle sniff to his heart’s content. Instead of rummaging through my mental list of things I needed to do for work, the renovation, the upcoming move, I chose instead to spend time breathing in the beauty of early morning, marvelling at the night covered sky turning pink and the quiet of the world around me.
I chose to spend 15 minutes in meditation, quieting my mind even when it wanted to worry over something I need to deal with at work, an issue I want our contractor to fix and thoughts of what to make for dinner tonight…
I chose to savour my mug of hot water, lemon and honey, letting it seep into my body with its nourishing and nurturing essences.
I chose to not rush, but to slowly move through my morning, appreciating each moment and its many gifts.
And I chose to let go of recriminations for having fallen into unease and breathe instead into gratitude for all the blessings in my life and for this opportunity to Begin Again.
I awoke this morning and realized I had let go of my practice and stepped away from consciously doing the things that bring me ease and grace.
This morning I awoke and chose to Begin Again.