Have you ever noticed how in times of stress, unease, uncertainty, the things that bring you calm, centeredness, peace are often the first things you let go of?
At least, that’s true for me.
My beloved and I have been living in temporary housing since early December. In November, we bought a new home, decided to renovate and put our old home on the market. It sold quickly leaving us ‘homeless’ as of December 15th,
From the time of signing the sales agreement to closing on our old home, I had 11 days to organize a mover, find new accommodation that would allow our furry family members to live with us, and pack up what we believed we’d need for about six weeks displacement while all our furniture, dishes and belongings went into storage.
Six weeks later than anticipated, on March 12, we will move into our newly renovated home.
This past three months have been interesting.
Feeling displaced is unsettling. While the condo we have rented during this time is lovely, it’s not home. I am missing my ‘things’, missing the ease of being ‘at home’.
You would think that during such an unsettling time I would sink deeper into my practices that bring me balance, ease, contentment.
I have completely let go of my meditation practice, my morning rituals, my evensong ceremonies.
Which is what makes me smile, shake my head in bemusement, fling my hands above my head and exclaim, “Aren’t I fascinating!”
There’s not much else I can do because no matter the circumstances, there’s one thing I won’t let go of, my belief in not beating myself up for slipping. To do that would just pile on more unease to an already unsettled mind.
This morning, I chose to step back from resistance of doing the things I know that are healing and live-giving for me so that I could slip into the life-giving waters of the things that support me.
This morning, I chose to Begin Again.
I chose to reconnect to the things and practices that create peace of mind, no matter the times.
I chose to walk in the quiet of breaking dawn, letting Beaumont the Sheepadoodle sniff to his heart’s content. Instead of rummaging through my mental list of things I needed to do for work, the renovation, the upcoming move, I chose instead to spend time breathing in the beauty of early morning, marvelling at the night covered sky turning pink and the quiet of the world around me.
I chose to spend 15 minutes in meditation, quieting my mind even when it wanted to worry over something I need to deal with at work, an issue I want our contractor to fix and thoughts of what to make for dinner tonight…
I chose to savour my mug of hot water, lemon and honey, letting it seep into my body with its nourishing and nurturing essences.
I chose to not rush, but to slowly move through my morning, appreciating each moment and its many gifts.
And I chose to let go of recriminations for having fallen into unease and breathe instead into gratitude for all the blessings in my life and for this opportunity to Begin Again.
I awoke this morning and realized I had let go of my practice and stepped away from consciously doing the things that bring me ease and grace.
This morning I awoke and chose to Begin Again.
This morning, a friend sent me a tweet about the impact of random acts of kindness at work. It makes sense. Sharing acts of kindness makes the giver and the receiver happier. They’re contagious and they make for more fulfilling and happier workplaces.
Another tweet I saw on the same person’s feed posed an interesting question about our choices:
I love how he presents the things we did not choose, and the things we can.
Me, I want to always choose in favour of being kind, generous, honest…
Yet, sometimes, my choices are not aligned with my ‘higher good’.
Like when a driver cuts me off and I think something not so nice about him or her. I’d prefer to simply let them in with a gracious wave and a smile.
Or when someone slips into the lane beside me that I know, and I know they know, is merging because there are big, big flashing lights up ahead telling us so. I don’t really want to let them in when I reach the front of the lane at the same time they do. I often wrestle with my ‘higher good’ and my baser instincts. It can be a struggle for me to make room for grace.
Fact is, grace doesn’t always win.
Today, I choose to let grace win.
With grace as my guide, my baser instincts will have no room to take hold and pull me into defiance. There will be no room for me to choose to act down to my need to ‘have one over’ on my fellow human beings!
Today, I choose to allow grace to have her way with me.
The last time the 3 sisters went on a trip together was 1983.
A week in San Francisco.
Sure, we’ve been together since then. Births and weddings. Funerals and family gatherings.
But just the 3 of us? Together? For the fun of it?
Well, it’s been a long time.
Though perhaps I should be more explicit. The last time my two sisters and I shared a hotel room together was 1983 in San Francisco.
It was an experience.
I’m a wake up wide-eyed in a second flat, out the door (in those days I ran), let’s get the day started, early morning riser.
My eldest sister is a get up early and quietly, get organized in an organized kind of way and let’s plan the day, kind of morning person.
And then… there’s our middle sister. She likes to wake up leisurely, savour the morning. Sipping coffee. Reading. Chatting. Puttering about. Taking her time to figure out what to wear, what to do, what to bring with her for the day, kind of middle of the morning not-an-early riser person.
It should be fun. Because, no matter how we start our day, we get to spend it bathed in sisterly love! How lovely.
This weekend, we’re off to Vancouver to celebrate the pending birth of my daughter and son-in-love’s baby boy. He’s arriving early. A complication in her pregnancy means he’ll be here the middle of this month, not his expected March 10.
And I’m so excited!
But first, the 3 sisters will be dabbling in a little sisterly love at my favourite hotel on English Bay.
Both my daughters will be in YVR as well meaning… The Gallagher Girls will be all together.
Have a great weekend everyone.
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