When I didn’t love myself, I found it hard to forgive myself. It was a kind of chicken and the egg thing. I wanted to love myself, I knew it was important, But, I held myself at fault and couldn’t forgive my mistakes, making it impossible to love myself.
See-sawing between blame and shame, I measured whatever was happening in my life as being done to me. I was not to blame. Not responsible or accountable. It was always someone else’s fault. Or, I was all my mistakes and that made me one big mistake. I could never measure up.
In that place where all I was looking for was to lay blame and shame, forgiveness was not possible, making self-love an elusive dream.
Until I was willing to see my inherent human nature as a beautiful gift, to see that I am perfectly imperfect in all my human imperfections, I could never give myself the grace of seeing my mistakes as an essential and integral part of my journey. In my denial, there was no room for forgiveness and love because, well I was too busy covering-up my mistakes or too busy blaming others for theirs. In that hostile territory, there was only room for blame, fear and denial.
My mistakes are as much a part of me as the things I want the world to know and see about me.
My mistakes don’t make me weaker. They make me stronger, because in their light, the many facets of my human condition shimmer in the light of Love. In that light, I see how beautifully human I am when I give up the need to be perfect, when I am willing to let down my guard and be vulnerable.
As long as I am willing to lovingly face myself in every light, I grow through everything I do and have the space to learn to Love everything I am, beauty and the beast, yin and yang, dark and light.
Ultimately, we are not our mistakes, we are what we make of our mistakes. What we do with them. How we use them as tools to help us grow more forgiving and loving.
When we treat ourselves harshly, we create fertile ground for anger, bitterness, regret and a host of limiting emotions to fester. When we are unforgiving, we are unforgiven. Without forgiveness, there is no room for love to flow freely.
Long ago, I struggled to love myself, all of me.
Today I know that loving all of me is the path to bringing all the best of me to light. In that place, my mistakes are no longer a burden, they are part of my human journey. To enjoy the journey, travelling lightly is optimal. To travel light, I must choose forgiveness. It is the path to Love, and in Love, there is only one answer to living this one precious life freely: to Love more. Love always.
I don’t quarrel with any word you wrote – but.
I’m reminded of something one of my ex-wives taught me – that LOVE is a verb. It is nothing but a verb. Verbs are action words. Therefore, love is a word of action(s). It is what we do, not what we feel. It is things we do for ourselves and for others that expresses love – it is saying, it is listening, it is doing and re-doing, it is thinking and then acting, it is feeling and then expressing – it’s all about actions and nothing else …
AND … your writing lately has returned to a deeper introspective place. Good on you …
Thank you Mark — Love is all of that and more and everything. I think that’s the part that I am challenged it when I label it a verb or noun or anything other than, everything. 🙂
Thanks for the kudos too — it is perhaps the summer months slowing me down to allow for introspection to rise up. 🙂
So glad to hear you found your way out of ‘hostile territory’ into love. It makes me wonder about the secret key to this mysterious transition; why it can happen for some of us while others seem to remain stuck. Sharing your process will no doubt help more than a few prisoners find their way back to love.
I hope so E — in the sharing I learn and grow. And yes, it is so easy to get stuck!
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I find it easy to forgive as a rule, I do not see the point in holding a grudge forgiveness and love make us happier people
You are such a wise, and happy, woman Joanne. Thank you my friend! ❤
It takes courage and makes one a much better person to admit to making mistakes and then learning from them.
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I always joke I’m an experiential learning Iwona. Sometimes, I need experiences a couple of times to really understand what I need to learn. 🙂 Hugs Hope you are home safely. ❤