I knew it was there. Could feel it. Sense it. Perceive it.
I seldom have to go looking for it. It’s always there. Always lurking, pulling me back, stopping me up, pushing me away from my desire to live life fully in the rapture of now.
It doesn’t have to sneak up, slink in, or crawl under my defences. It just is. There. Here. Present. Even in times like last this morning, when I am deep into meditation, it turns up. I’d say it’s uninvited but seriously, it’s so accustomed to being present, it doesn’t need an invitation.
It just is. My resistance.
And there it was, as I tripped the light fantastic of a guided meditation focused on releasing to surrender, resistance turned up to pull me back from its believe I was at the edge of danger, of falling over the edge of holding on..
I wanted to give it a kick, but seriously, I was deep in meditation. Violent responses are not appropriate!
Resisting the pull of my resistance, I breathed deeply.
Surrender thy will, the voice of knowing whispered. Surrender thy will.
I didn’t want to. Surrender. Surrender means to give in. To let go. To release my control.
I don’t like giving up control.
Surrender thy will, the voice whispered in a loving stream of consciousness that floated out all around me into the star lit morning sky. Surrender thy will.
And tears flooded my eyes.
Surrender thy will.
I breathed. And surrendered and was bathed in the beautiful light of Love that radiated out from my heart into the night. And in that light I was One with the One. I was immersed in the power of the moment where I was completely, totally, at peace, right where I was, exactly as I was born to be. In that light I was the One I was waiting for. I was the reflection of Love that flowed in and all around me. And I knew, without fear, without hesitation, without question, we are all the beauty and the magnificence of our being who we are meant to be when we let go of resisting our magnificence, our beauty, our Love.
In the radiant light of knowing nothing other than to surrender, I felt my heart break open, my soul shift in delight, my spirit spread its wings. In its beauty, I found myself surrendering my will to let Love be all that I am, all that I know, all that I become when I release my resistance to Love.
Softly, the voice within whispered, “There is no need to resist. No need to hold onto control. To hold back on surrender. There is no need. There is nothing unmet, nothing unknown. There is no need to need. Breathe into the light and surrender Thy will to Love.”
My word for this year is ‘Surrender”.
It continues to be an enlightening exploration.