How to connect heart to heart.

I awoke from a dream about death. It had something to do with telling people all the wonderful things I saw in them, after they were gone.

Didn’t make a lot of sense. Why not tell them while we’re both alive and able to enjoy each other’s company, I wondered?

A tool we practice at Choices Seminars is the “The thing I like most about you in this moment is….” and then you name it.  There are other versions of that tool around as well. “What I appreciate about you right now….”  “I really like how you….”

You can get even more creative as my beautiful friend, mentor, inspiring human being Patricia Morgan of Solutions for Resilience does.

Her question is simple. “What do you think I think is incredible about you?”

The question always gives people pause to think before they answer. And after they’ve quietly (hesitantly/shyly…) said one thing they think you think is incredible about them, the response is…

“That’s true and that’s not the only thing. What else do you think I think is incredible about you?”

And after their second answer, the response is the same… “That’s true too and that’s not the only thing either. What else?”

After their third answer, you get to tell them more… “All those things are so true about what I think is incredible about you. What else I think is incredible about you is…..” And then name all the amazing, incredible, inspiring, beautiful things you think about them.

Believe me, they will be delighted to hear what’s on your mind about them and you will have created space for a deeper, more inspiring connection!

Human beings yearn to connect in deep and meaningful ways. It’s in our DNA. Often, though, we make it hard. We put up walls. We talk over one another. We don’t listen to eachother’s hearts. We discount each other’s voices. We listen to the voices in our own heads telling us people will think we’re silly, or we’ll be judged if we get so honest, or hurt if we are too vulnerable.

Connecting with people is pretty simple.  The first step is to ask a question. Ask them about who they are, what makes their heart beat, what gives them joy, what brings them peace, what inspires them when they get up in the morning.

The second step is to listen deeply to their answers. Let them tell you what’s on their minds, their hearts, what’s rumbling in their tummies and stirring their possibilities.

The third step to connecting to people is to repeat the above, again and again and again.

Because let’s face it, the answer to who we are in the world, how we want to be seen often stays locked inside us, disconnecting us from those around us with whom we’d really like to feel connection.

It isn’t until we ask ourselves, or someone else asks us:  What makes you heart beat? What inspires you to get up in the morning? What do you do that makes a world of difference?, that we really start to feel and live into the answers of our heart’s-calling us to connect, dream big, live large.

Deep down, we all know how incredibly magnificent, special, unique we are. It’s just life has taught us a whole bunch of not so healthy ways to deny our beauty. When we learn and accept our worth is priceless, we learn how to navigate the world in new, inspiring and creative ways that ignite possibility and create a world of opportunity for better all around us.

Knowing and believing our worth is priceless is essential if we are to live our dreams, fulfill our desinty. Connecting and helping someone see their own worth is important to making the world a better place. In that connection, hearts find a common rhythm so that together, we can make a world of difference.


9 thoughts on “How to connect heart to heart.

  1. I awoke from a nasty dream about mascots & sharing hotel rooms with them, miniature cubicle showers, disappearing patches of the hotel and trying to sleep on the ground while someone tried to push dog poop into my mouth. I’m sure there is no real message in that dream.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. What if your told your the one person in the world, the one woman no one wants? Is that possible? Yes, well it happened to me just the other day. I was sitting at a bus stop and I told a man who stopped by and gave me $2. about how I keep getting the shove off from every church I go to……I’m upset, I was upset and it has put a damper on everything, even though I know it’s not true. So want to reconnect to a lost love, but the pastor of his church has called me a whore, not to my face. His whole ministry calls me or reguards me as the worst whore that ever hit the earth, yet my love doesn’t believe. I want to go scoop him up and disappear together forever and never come back. He’s only there for a time….until he recovers from some addictions. It hurts because I have to leave him alone for now, but he will be well some day. Any encouraging words would be appreciated. Thanks


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