I am off today for a sojourn by the sea.
My lovely friend Wendy C. and I are driving out to the coast together. First, we’ll be stopping in the Shuswap to visit a former co-worker and his wife and to do some wine tasting. And then, I’ll be spending a couple of weeks with my daughter, son-in-love and… the light of my heart, my grandson.
Yes. Yes. I know. Others bring light and lightness to my heart, but nobody does it like my grandson. He’s special.
I didn’t realize, before I became his YiaYa, how incredible a gift it was to become a grandparent.
But then, I do not know what I do not know until I discover it.
Becoming a grandmother was like that. I thought it would be lovely. I thought it would be special.
How special, I had no idea.
And now I do. And now, I get to spend a couple of weeks with him sharing our own special time as my daughter has just begun a new job. How amazing is that? I get to spend time with Thurlow and be of service to my daughter and son-in-love helping them out as they figure out their childcare and get into the swing of being two working parents with a young child.
What it also means is that my time here will be sporadic over the next few weeks. I have no timetable to follow, other than I need to be back home by July 17. C.C. is his normal easy-going self, not asking for a return date, just smiling and nodding his head at my desire to have an unscheduled plan.
It is refreshing. This going with no plan.
Yesterday, as I was organizing my clothes, I took the time to wash a couple of tops by hand. I have not had open-spaced time to wash things by hand in a long, long time. It was relaxing. Enjoyable even.
Over the past week, Beaumont and I have had early morning walks along the river, I’ve had a couple of afternoon naps, I’ve even spent a bit of time in the studio — and I’m hoping when I’m back to be spending more time there. Right now, we have a carpenter here building a door to the studio and doing some work on C.C.s’ den — so being in the studio has not been all that easy, nor peaceful.
And that’s been okay. I’ve savoured my adventures, my time to simply decompress.
Last night, as C.C. and I sat on the deck (I skunked him at Crib btw! 🙂 ) I told him how I don’t miss work. The stress. The sense of always being on alert about what might happen next which seemed to pervade my being. The responsibility.
I miss the people but not the work.
For a long time my friend, Kerry Parsons, who is the founder of The Academy for Rising Women, suggested I disconnect from the pain body as it was draining me, not fulfilling me. Don’t tell her I said so, but… I think she was right!
I loved the work I did, but after almost 14 years in the sector, the constant exposure to the losses and trauma of poverty and homelessness had permeated my being, seeping into my essence, clouding my senses like smoke from a wildfire.
What I am realizing is that while I felt joy, my joy was tempered with the constant realization of the lack that exists in our world, and my sense of needing to ‘fix it all’.
No one person can ‘fix it all’. Together we can make a difference. That difference needs to be predicated on an awareness that becoming so enmeshed in the cause we forget to look up, see the sunshine and savour the warmth and light it brings, is not healthy for anyone!
Today, I feel like Johnny Nash singing his 70’s hit, “I Can See Clearly Now”.
I can see all obstacles in my way
Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind
It’s gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright)
Sun-Shiny day.
All of the bad feelings have disappeared
Here is the rainbow I’ve been prayin’ for
It’s gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright)
Sun-Shiny day.
Look straight ahead, nothin’ but blue skies
I can see clearly now, the rain is gone,
I can see all obstacles in my way
Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind
It’s gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright)
Sun-Shiny day.
Songwriters: Kenneth Gamble / Leon Huff
I Can See Clearly Now lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC, Warner/Chappell Music, Inc
I don’t know what I don’t know until I discover something new, different, another way of being, another perspective.
I thought I was doing okay. And on so many levels, I was. What I didn’t know was that my okay was not the better I seek to create in the world because I was allowing my doing to get the better of me.
I can see clearly now. Doing the ‘hard work’ at the frontlines of poverty and homelessness is important and vital in this world. It’s also important and vital that those who do the work, take time out to give themselves the space and freedom to see clearly that ‘the work’ is not the only thing there is to be done to create better in this world.
Namaste
See you when I see you! ❤
Dare Boldly 
I love your posts. They are straight from the heart.
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Oh wow! Thank you! What a beautiful thing to say — your words have come directly into my heart! ❤
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Elgie,
I wrote about this notion the other day too – perhaps from a different angle, but the notion of the one-way ticket, the ‘no return date’ on the return ticket … the just letting things unfold. I believe in it. Great theory, but I don’t believe I’ve ever done it.
I’m glad for you that you are going to unplug for a while. My guess is that you’ll come back and plunge headlong into something (which might be a re-energized Louise in the same-old work, or something new).
I recently watched a fascinating The Moth video I recommend; it’s about change: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MvyPn0FFPio&t=128s … and you’ll find an interesting take on Change.
I’m sure you will dazzle us more in the future than you ever have before.
Have fun squeezing the grandbaby, enjoy the trip, stay safe – and then come back and get to work!
Cheers,
Mark
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Yes Sir! 🙂
Thanks Mark for your lovely and affirming words. I shall watch the video as soon as I’m stationary. 🙂 (hmmm — an ‘a’ or an ‘e’ for that form of stationery? — lol — this beautiful morning… I don’t care! 🙂 )
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Enjoy — on behalf of all sentient life! 😊
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What a great song to end on …….
We need to try and focus more on the bright side of life
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Oh my, said the Muse, she is seeing, feeling the light of rejuvenation. Going away is a good thing as you will be focussing on someone you love, hold dear to your heart, allowing the last vestiges of work-related thoughts to float away. You are right about several aspects of “work”, missing those one cared to work with, and realizing that you alone cannot fix the problems. Enjoy the west coast!
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Thank you Iwona. I read your words, sitting here at the seaplane terminus, waiting for my flight to Gabriola and my heart feels light. Happy. You my friend are wise and I sooo appreciate you. Hugs.
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Grandchildren are such a gift that we have zero control about whether or not we receive. They are so precious and it’s just the best. Spending time with them replaces all the strife in our brains with peace and such joy and love. Enjoy
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I have just spent the most delightful couple of days with my grandson and am now off to visit my sister on Gabriola Island for a couple of days before coming back to support my daughter as she returns to work — I so agree Bernie Lynne — there is no strife when I am with him. This morning we went to the park, just the two of us. I pushed him on the swing, He checked out puppies and crows and flowers along our walk. It was pure delight. ,3
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Yes, I understand. I think it’s the same for people who “give” their hearts and souls and mind to those in need: special education teachers/tutors/ social works/ nurses and nursing aides, physical therapist/therapists/counselors. Those involved in the “Humanities.” The more ‘human” we are, the more caring and giving we are, the more it can burn us out. You gave so much of yourself; isn’t it wonderful that you now can find ways to bring joy to yourself and your family.
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Thank you Pamela for your beautiful words. I spoke with a former coworker as I was driving west and could feel their tension and stress. I can’t change where they are at right now, but I can savour where I am and restore my sense of balance so that I can be better support for my friend. Hugs.<3 — and I am having an amazing time, treasuring every moment with my grandson. he is pure delight.
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