On Becoming A Mother

Becoming a mother to another human being is a leap of faith. It matters not if you came to motherhood through your own womb, a surrogates or donors. It matters not if you chose motherhood or it chose you. Of if you held onto your infant or gave them as a gift to another.

It matters not how you came to it. Becoming a mother is a leap of faith. Sometimes blind. Sometimes, joyful. Hesitant. Resentful. Scared. Motherhood and faith walk hand in hand.

Faith, love will be enough to sustain you in the moments of sheer exhaustion, an exhaustion you truly have no idea will descend upon you once your infant emerges and is nestled at your breast or in your arms or the arms of a partner. And when that exhaustion hits, as it inevitably will, again and again, trusting faith will carry you through your tiredness, your fears you have made a huge mistake, your doubts that you are worthy of becoming a mother to this precious, defenceless human being.

Becoming a mother is about trust. Trusting your instincts. Trusting you are doing okay, even in those moments when you feel like you’ve made the most disastrous decision of your life because you truly do not have what it takes to sustain the life of another human being. It’s about trusting in Love. That it truly is enough. That no matter what state you’re in or how you turn up, love will carry you through the dark and cloudy moments of your fear, you are not enough to be a mother.

Becoming a mother is about commitment. To another human being. To life. To yourself. It’s about giving of yourself in ways you never before imagined before this being came screaming and kicking into your life, or you into theirs. It’s about being committed to not crawl back under the covers and hide out while your child screams because you have tried everything to soothe them and nothing you do seems to work. It will demand, again and again, that you put another first, always. And it will insist, every single moment of every single day, that you risk getting your heart broken, again and again.  

Because becoming a mother is about choosing Love. Always. Forever. Wholeheartedly, even when you don’t believe you can or want to. It’s about doing the loving thing for another human being, even when really all you want to do is eat a tub of ice cream and watch junk TV hour after hour. It’s about cleaning up messes you didn’t make with a loving heart and always turning up, even when you look your worst because this tiny, precious, miraculous human needs you to turn up, exactly the way you are. It means having the courage to hold on when all you want to do is let go, and to let go when all you can think of is to hold on tightly. And it requires you to forgive yourself, again and again, in those moments or days or weeks or months when you don’t turn up or simply can’t.

Because no matter how you got to this state or how you turn up, or when, becoming a mother changes you. It will stretch you. Defy you. Frustrate you. Scare you and even when you don’t want it to, it will define you. It will make you believe in miracles. See beauty in everything. From dirty diapers and spit ups on the floor you just washed to first smiles and reading the same storybook for the 1000th time.

And it will make you believe in love. Eternal. Lasting. Penetrating. Heartbreaking. Love.

Love that doesn’t ask, ‘what’s in it for me?’ but demands instead that you give it your all, whatever that all may be. Because motherhood doesn’t come with any guarantees of being loved in return or not feeling rejected, or accepted. It only comes with the promise, you will be changed, forever and always, by Love.

18 thoughts on “On Becoming A Mother”

  1. I enjoyed your very loving and heartfelt blog this morning – it touched my heart deeply. Loved the photos of you and your daughters – all of you are such beautiful ladies. The circle of life and becoming a mother is an undescribable and amazing experience to go through and I thank you for such a wonderful description of the changes in us that take place in becoming a mother. It’s truly quite miraculous.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you Dale! My daughter wrote a piece on her IG page that caused an ache in my heart with its beauty. Her writing gives me ‘writer’s envy’ — it’s a lovely place to find myself as her mother. 🙂

      View this post on Instagram

      Here’s to the mothers. To the ones who hold and to the ones who are held. . Here’s to the mothers that are yearning, to the ones who are grieving, to the ones who are doing it on their own. . Here’s to the lost mothers, to the wise mothers, to the broken-hearted mothers and to the mothers who dance beneath the moon. . Here’s to the mothers who nurture children and to the ones who nurture life in other forms. . Here’s to the mothers that loved, to the mothers that lost, to the mothers that found, to the mothers that are still figuring it all out. . Here’s to the mothers that sing lullabies and to the ones who scream into their pillows. To the mothers who are gone, to the mothers who are waiting, to the ones who are longing, to the mothers who are courage in the face of the unknown. . Here’s to the calm mothers, the wild mothers, the scared mothers, the earth mothers, the lonely mothers, the loud mothers, the silent mothers, and the ones whose hearts are stripped to the bone. . Here’s to the mothers who are seen, to the ones who are missed, and to the mothers who were never known. . Here’s to the birth mothers, the adopted mothers, the donor mothers, the surrogate mothers, the single mothers, the borrowed mothers, the step-mothers, the stepped-in-mothers, the foster mothers, the mothers-in-love and the ones who chose another call. . Here’s to the mother in each of us. May there be a little grace for us all. #honestmotherhood #mothersday #motherhood

      A post shared by LEX MALEDY (@alexismaledy) on

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Ohmygosh… That was absolutely wonderful. I have something blocking my throat and my eyes are leaking now… Thank you for sharing your daughter’s beautiful words!
        You know, I was pregnant for Austin so “wasn’t a mother yet” I was told – he was born May 25. The following year, he died on January 17, so when mother’s day came, I was still “not a mother”. So this beautiful text went right to my gut.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I did not know that Dale. What pain, both for the loss and for the ‘not being’.

        I am grateful Alexis’ words spoke as deeply to you as they do to me. She shares her exquisite words on motherhood (and life) on her IG page. I am always in awe. and usually, I too find myself ‘leaking’.

        Hugs, love and comfort. ❤

        Liked by 1 person

      3. It was a time I hold close, though. Can’t believe it was all 24 years ago!

        They did and I looked at her beautiful images. Wow… amazing.

        Hugs, love and comfort right back. 💝

        Like

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